Any lonely young mums out there?

[ellms]

When I say lonely, I don't mean within my family. I'm 18 years old and have been with my partner since I was 14, and we now have a beautiful 18 month old son. I couldn't be any happier they both bring me so much joy. By lonely, I mean I literally have no friends at all. Since I've had a baby I've slowly lost all of my friends. I have one friend I see but only every few month or so. The rest of girls my age are at a completely different stage in life to me and i find it so upsetting. I know what I was in for when I found out I was pregnant, I know it meant I couldn't go to uni the same time as all my friends but I didn't know I'd end up with no friends at all. I used to always message my friends to arrange things and never got anything back so I eventually stopped bothering. I just feel so lonely, I feel like every woman needs girl time from time to time but I don't have that. Family never offers to have our son so we never get to go out either. Ive thought of joining some kind of toddler group but when I turned up to the first one all mums were in there 30s or older and I felt like I was been looked at differently and so uncomfortable. As much as I love my partner and little boy, i still find it so hard and it really brings me down. I work 3 days a week so have work friends, but I'm the youngest there too so I'm not friends with anyone enough to meet outside of work.

People will probably think I'm being selfish by not been fully happy with what I already have, but it does upset me seeing people my age going out with all their girl friends when I don't even have one it's a good job I have my mum who I see as a friend or I'd be lost.

Is there any other young mums out there that are in the same ship as me? A virtual hug would be nice haha

I'm not a young Mum (by any stretch of the imagination) but I do know in our area there are specific groups/get together for young mums so they can speak to people their own age in the same/similar situation as them, do they have anything like that round you? Could you ask your health visitor? Do you have StartWell or a children's centre you could go to with a young mums group? Have you tried your local library too? Sorry lots of questions and suggestions but I know round here (Wigan area) there are loads of young Mum specific groups and they're the best ways of getting involved with them. I really hope that helps, it can be isolating being a Mum at any time of life but I suspect it's especially isolating for young mums when your friends are in a completely different phase of life to you.
Best of luck finding some Mum friends and a bit of support

Oh and just to add, don't wait for family to offer to have your DS, ask .
All you have to say to then is that you'd really appreciate it if one of them could have him for a couple of hours one evening/afternoon so you and your partner can go and spend a bit of time with each other, just the two of you. If it works well you could always make it a regular monthly thing if everyone's agreeable . If you feel uncomfortable just asking for the favour offer to reciprocate with baby sitting their child/children or pet sitting or similar, just make sure responsibility and time spent are roughly equal

I was slightly okde than you when I had my first child. Still in touch with most of my pre baby friends. Honestly you are better off without the ones who don't want to be fiends because you are at differenf stages.

Sending a virtual hug! You sound lovely OP, please keep going to groups, joining local Facebook pages, the gym or anything you are interested in you will definitely make new friends. I was in the same situation as you when I had my first and it takes a lot of confidence to go to those groups, but as a mum again in my 30’s I now know everyone feels the same regardless of age. In fact they’re probably looking at you thinking how lovely and fresh faced you look- I do this all the time as an older mum! Have your conversation starters in your head then say them, no one will blank you I promise. At worst you’ll have a few minutes small talk and then move on to the next mum. These women might be older but they’re interested in all the same things you are. Here’s my favourite conversation starters at these groups:
‘How old is your little one?’
‘I love your child’s dress/shoes etc, where are they from?’
‘Ugh! I’m so tired! Have you had an early morning too?’
‘Have you been to this group before? Do you go to any others?’
Stop thinking what the girls your age are upto, you’re on a different path but those paths might meet again in future. You’ve made some brave decisions with your life, get out there and be proud of your lovely little family!

Aw thank you all for your lovely replies

Lillabet I'm definitely going to look in to that. I wasn't aware there was some groups just for younger mums. It will be really nice getting to know some people who are in a similar situation to me. I feel like I would fit in much better and wouldn't be paranoid about what people thought of me. Haven't tried local library, didn't even think to look there! Thanks a lot yes we do ask our parents to have our son occasionally, usually only on birthdays or special occasions though, sometimes I feel like they see it as a chore he isn't a good sleeper and rises early.

Racecardriver well you are very lucky then, do they all have kids too? Yes you're right, I am better off without them. Hopefully I'll find
Some forever friends soon

Pigeonpresent I am definitely going to join a new group but that first group I went to isn't really an option for me now. I just found that the mums there all already knew each other well and seemed quite snobby. I could just tell by the way one of them looked at me that I wouldn't fit in there. It's a shame really. Also Ds was playing up a bit and I could just tell the way they were looking that they probably just assumed that I didn't know what I was doing or something. I don't know, maybe I was just been really paranoid.
I'm too much of a sensitive person and things get to me easy. Thanks for some of the conversation starters though I'm sure they will be very useful as I do find it hard to make conversation sometimes thanks a lot for your reply pp

Their loss OP, you’ll find your tribe, good luck!

Hi I'm 20 and feel the same way. Stopped getting invited to events and parties when I was pregnant and a lot of them just send the occasional message about our uni work. Even when I do hang out with them it's very bitchy drama and gossip that I don't care about. "I was up ALL night watching netflix" doesn't really relate to me being up all night with a teething baby. You're not alone, dw.