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Original poster

Am I doing baby wearing wrong?

23 replies

Pansy0926 · 08/08/2018 20:15

I am eager to do babywearing more frequently, but I have really found it quite restricting and I was wondering if I am doing something wrong.

Housework - cooking isn’t safe due to hot liquids etc
Hanging up washing requires bending down to get clothes out the basket
Hoovering requires bending to move things out the way or reach under sofa
Baby doesn’t like bending and cries (and I worry I’m hurting his legs so I always check his legs each time

Travelling
Baby on front, backpack full of nappies etc on my back - I feel so overloaded and can barely reach out to sort out my three year old when he needs me. I don’t drive so I need to carry supplies with me wherever I go. Also, pram is so much better for carrying shopping.

Just hanging around the house - unless I am standing, bobbing around, baby cries. Sitting down on the sofa with the wrap on makes him cry. It seems pointless to pop him in and out of the wrap all the time every time I get up. When I am on the sofa, I’m usually watching tv or browsing on my tablet, and getting up every now and again to play with toys on the floor wit my older child.

The only time babywearing seems convenient is for short walks with no supplies (nappies, snacks etc) required.

Am I doing something wrong?

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Original poster

Pansy0926 · 08/08/2018 20:16

I also hate that there’s a baby between me and my older child when we are trying to play together. Older child can be rough too, so it’s not always the safest.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 08/08/2018 20:20

Perhaps it's just not for you? Mine lived in the sling at all times and I found it easy but I loathed pushchairs.

Doesn't sound like you or the baby is happy with a sling.

UnaOfStormhold · 08/08/2018 20:25

You might want to go to your local sling library and check that your positioning is right and it's the right carrier for you - from what you've written you could be too low. Cooking hot food is something that will need to wait until they are old enough to go on your back but laundry, sitting down etc should be possible. I found baby on front and rucksack on back worked well though it's a good workout as they get heavier That said, if it's not working for you go with what does work.

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Original poster

Pansy0926 · 08/08/2018 20:49

I can kiss the top of his head, so I don’t think that’s too low. i’ve followed YouTube tutorial on how to use my stretchy wrap and it seems fine. Don’t get me wrong, it is comfortable and baby likes it except when I’m sitting still (but then I haven’t done it often enough for him to get too used to it), or when I bend over.

I’ve read that you should squat as opposed to bending but I feel like baby gets in the way of my balance and my knees aren’t great after pregnancy. Maybe I’m just unfit and once I find it easier to squat it won’t be so bad.

Baby does like the wrap, but DS1 HATED being confined, so I know the difference. Tbh, DS2 seems an altogether more relaxed baby.

It’s not so much the comfort as how inconvenient it is to have a baby in your face, getting in the way of everything. It’s fine for a relaxing stroll where you feel like it’s hands free cuddling and you can talk to the baby, but DS1 is so full on and loud that trying to get anything done with him in the room as well as a baby literally strapped to me seems too much.

Maybe it’s not for me, for everyday use anyway. Only for when I am going on short journeys I guess. It’s a shame because I do enjoy it, but life gets in the way.

@ShowOfHands did you do chores with the baby in the wrap? This is what I find most awkward, the rest I feel I can deal with though it’s not as easy as having a pram.

OP posts:

Cranb0rne · 08/08/2018 20:50

I had the same experience! Found the newborn sling a faff and the baby screamed and got himself in a state. He fell asleep in it but then was boiling hot and sweating (this was in January). I found the weight too much and couldn't do anything with my toddler. The baby always much preferred his pram and I could put stuff in the bottom of the pram rather than having to carry it. I know people who swear by slings, I just never got on with them.

Yarnswift · 08/08/2018 20:53

It doesn’t work for everyone. I thought it’d be great and I’d love it but actually I found it frustrating, restrictive and the baby hated it.

I felt like I had this whacking great hot lump strapped to me and little T. rex arms unable to actually DO anything around it. Bending down was a pita. And it hurt my back and hips too much (I had severe SPD that didn’t resolve after birth.)

It wasn’t safe outdoors in the winter either.

If it’s not working for you it’s perfectly OK to not do it.

fieldmuse · 08/08/2018 20:59

I agree OP. When I had ds2 everyone recommended slinging him but it hasn't really worked out like that. I suppose I could cook something simple but I need eyes in the back of my head to watch DS1. DS2 is SO scrabbly and scratchy too!

It was good at toddler groups though.

smeerf · 08/08/2018 21:03

I use the sling when watering the garden, prepping dinner (chopping veggies etc) and hanging out laundry - I put the basket on a table or something so I don't need to bend down. I also just stick him in it and bob around to try and get him to nap, or when I need to pop to the local shop.

mistermagpie · 08/08/2018 21:10

It can depend on the baby. I carried DS1 loads and he was so contented so I automatically planned the same for DS2. It just didn't work, he just didn't seem comfortable and couldn't settle and I couldn't make it work when I had a toddler too. I ended up uncomfortable and stressed by the whole thing and the baby was miserable. I tried a few different slings but the outcome was the same.

I sacked it off and bought a double buggy, best thing ever!

ShowOfHands · 08/08/2018 21:15

I did everything with dc2 in the sling. He came out for nappy changes and bed only. He was happiest when strapped to me and I found it easy to do chores, cook, shop, play with dc1 etc. I was pretty proficient though. I'd move him to a side or back carry when necessary, loosen and tighten it according to what we were doing. He was almost a part of me.

CholloDeNombre · 08/08/2018 21:26

Maybe a stretchy sling isn't for you? How old is your baby? I found ring slings to be more convenient when dc was tiny, but by six months he was a lump and far too heavy for the weight to pull in one shoulder. We moved to a soft structured carrier and used back carries a lot.

But really, it's ok if you don't get in with slings. They don't work for everyone, not do they work for every baby.

sycamore54321 · 08/08/2018 21:31

There will always be someone on the internet ready to tell you that you are doing any aspect of parenting wrong

I was similar. I had read great things about how using slings or wraps was going to make me super-mum and my baby super-chilled. While I found it convenient for some things, I encountered most of the same difficulties as you do. In a great many ways, carrying a baby on you is a big inconvenience and makes many activities unsafe or more difficult. I found putting the baby down - mat, stroller, bouncy seat - was often better for me and for my babies who didn't like too much contact

sycamore54321 · 08/08/2018 21:40

I can totally relate to this description above " little T. rex arms unable to actually DO anything"

SnuggyBuggy · 08/08/2018 21:44

I have worked out a way of doing things sideways if that makes any sense. I couldn't do heavy duty housework though.

Cottipus · 09/08/2018 09:49

Second the suggestion to go to your local sling library. DD was ok in a stretchy sling when tiny but by 2/3 months was breaking out. Moved to a soft structured carrier which we’re still using at 7 months.

I both carry and use pushchair. Round the house I’ll carry her if she’s grumpy and overtired as I wouldn’t get anything done. Otherwise I’ll chop veg etc on a tray next to her on the floor whilst she plays.

We now use pushchair for walks as it’s easier now she’s heavier. But she doesn’t like being in it the supermarket so tend to use carrier with the high trolley. The carrier’s also good for nipping in and out of shops with steps, restricted space etc.

Just do what suits you best!

MonumentVal · 09/08/2018 10:03

I used a sling a bit for dc2, but generally a pushchair simply because when I went places I wanted to be able to put her down when I got there! Being able to use a sling was very handy for certain trips and situations though (hours in a freezing playground is much better with a warm baby on your front). I never got into slinging on my back as she became a violent monster around that age and I didn't want her yanking hair and punching me when I couldn't escape.

Cutesbabasmummy · 09/08/2018 16:29

My DS hated being in the carrier or sling. I tried a baby bjorn, caboo close and an ergo which I couldn't get on on my own and he just hated all of them! I stuck with the pram and the push chair or the playmat instead!

CremeDeSudo · 09/08/2018 21:16

I'm finding this too op! My DD flings her head back to look around so I'm having to support her head anyway, she doesn't like me bending or sitting and I don't understand why you'd want to carry a changing bag when you could put it in a pram! Love the idea of the sling but yet to find it useful.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 09/08/2018 21:19

Stretchy wraps were no good for me and DD, however once she got to 5 months and I could put her on my back, our buckle carrier was a game changer

Pressuredrip · 09/08/2018 21:21

Yeah I hear you. I've noticed the 'full time' babywearers all drive. Most of them
have no idea what it's like carrying bags of food for the day, baby and toddler 'stuff' plus shopping whilst babywearing. I suffered for ages, to embarrassed to meet friends with a pram until I had my third and realised I was being stupid. Now I appreciate babywearing when we are waking up hills or in the woods etc but I use an off road pram with a big basket full time.

Original poster

Pansy0926 · 09/08/2018 21:49

Glad to hear it’s not just me.

I have to say though, I never realised it was such a ‘thing’ among some people to use a pram. I have noticed quite a few people babywearing but I’ve never felt out of place using a pram and if anyone made me feel awkward for using a pram or stroller, I’d be the one looking at them as if there were mad. People judge each other so much for the silliest things.

OP posts:

Mindchilder · 09/08/2018 21:53

I didn't really try to cook or do chores until baby was 4+ months and could go on my back.

bubble96 · 09/08/2018 22:20

not wrong, it just takes some getting used to. it sounds like youre putting pressure on yourself to carrylots too. im a babywearing consultant, and I still used a pram/buggy. I didn't do cooking with baby on me until she was on my back. and I didn't do washing etc until she was in something other than a stretchy.

when you bend forward does it feel like shes tight enough on you? or does it feel like she pulls away from you? maybe shes not tight enough. even if she is, unless her neck support is perfect she probably feels pull on her neck. pop your hand behind her head when you bend, and do you know the rolled up muslin trick to add extra neck support?

the reason its better to squat even if your balance feels a little off (probably improve over time) if you loose balance you probably will go backwards, less risky traveling I totally get. I enjoyed weekends when hubby could carry a rucksack that's when I would carry lots. sometimes id have buggy and sling with me, baby in sling bags in buggy, freedom to switch it up.... I did stick to short walks, or really handy for popping to local shops or walking around the supermarket, and in the house, but yeah, I was able to sit with her in the sling only when she was asleep. otherwise moving around. I found hoovering ok, and did general tidying or light housework, I could manage putting washing on for example. as for playing with your other child, take baby out of sling if that's better, don't feel a slave to the sling, I know I did at points, it didn't help one bit, what was best was just deciding what would work for both of us.

also always worth checking at sling libraries, trying different slings etc. but remember the best thing about the sling is keeping baby close, and the physical touch, you can be sat on the floor though with your toddler and your littlest next to you. still able to touch and engage, still close, still able to pick up if ythey aren't happy, but still free to enjoy a bit of time with your other child. x attachmentparenting.co.uk/project/how-to-choose-the-ideal-sling/

just do it when yp

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