Coping after partner goes back to work after Paternity leave

[LouiseofChalky]

Hopefully looking for some general advice/tips on how to best prepare for husband returning to work from paternity leave.

I currently have a 2 week old baby boy (DS) and husband will be returning to work when my DS is nearly 3 weeks. I had a C-section so to date have been taking it easy and relying quite heavily on husband to do cooking/housework/dog walking/feeding the cats/washing, etc.

I’m exclusively breast feeding and DS being so newborn mainly likes to be fed or held- at night because of this I’m only getting 2/3 hours sleep at night.

I’m generally quite independent and I don’t like feeling reliant on anyone but I must admit I’m feeling quite anxious/slightly depressed about being left alone all day.
I’m worried with the sleep deprivation and constant cluster feeds the thought of being alone from 6-6pm is quite overwhelming.
Any advice on how to get through these next few weeks will be much appreciated.

Bless you! It is an overwhelming time for sure, my DD is 8 months old now and i remember the feeling with my husband went back to work.

Top tips from me - get your husband to hold your baby for 30 mins before he leaves for work so you can have a shower and get up (even better if he can take the baby for an hour so you can have 40 mins sleep first). It really helps the day if you're feeling clean and fresh - if I didn't get up before my husband left for work then sometimes I didn't manage it!

Also, have your husband bring you some breakfast and a drink before he leaves - helps set you up for the morning and otherwise you might be stuck under a cluster feeding/napping baby all morning without having eaten anything.

Another helpful thing is to try using a baby carrier to get things done around the house with your baby close to you, if they don't want to be put down.

Final top tip - make sure you get out of the house, to baby groups or coffee with friends or even just a walk around outside. You might feel too exhausted to get out some days but you will always feel better for doing it (hopefully!).

Be kind to yourself - you will get through it and will soon settle into a rhythm with your little one!

Get a big box of stuff for you (book, magazine, biscuits, chocolate, fruit, pen & paper and anything else you can think of) and put it next to your place on the settee. Get a small table for next to where you're sitting and put the remotes on there. Keep a flask of tea or coffee or water or juice or whatever you drink on there too, made fresh that morning. Then, during the early days, settle yourself in with your baby while he cluster feeds and watch shit loads of TV and films and boxsets.

If you do have to get up, don't feel bad for doing so, even if the baby cries for a bit. You are still allowed to use the loo or grab a sarnie or whatever.

I used to make myself a packed lunch (well, my husband made it for me) in the morning before he set off so that food was there for me to eat at some point during the day.

I used to time the washer so that it finished just as my husband got in so that either HD could sort it or I could escape the baby and do it.

I was really anxious about this too. My advice would be kind to yourself and not rush it. I spent the first few days in the house getting used to baby's rhythm. Netflix is your friend for long feeds/days that baby is needy.

I had friends pop in for coffee to break up the day/help me out.

When you feel like going out. I went to a local cafe where I knew she would be very welcome.

When I felt a bit more comfortable, I met up with NCT friends once a week.

I also checked with the local children's centre for groups (eg breastfeeding groups) that I could pop along to.

Many churches also have bumps and babies groups (even if you are not religious).

I just aimed to do one thing a day except one day a week where I could veg with the little one without any plans.

Hope this helps.

Packed lunch is excellent suggestion, DH did this for me. Also get plenty of snacks you can eat with one hand!
It is good to get out of the house if you can, tbh after my c section I didn’t feel up to it til about 6 weeks pp, so if you need to stay at home that’s ok too .
Just take it a day at a time.

I agree with the flask and the packed lunch idea, then just settle yourself in and watch Netflix and try and relax with your new baby, getting to know eachother with some time bonding on the sofa for a bit following that, I then second getting out if the house, you will be tired and not feel like it at times, but you will feel loads better for doing it, even if it's just a walk around the block to start with. But definitely loads of drink and snacks. The carrier is not a bad idea so you can still do things round the house, while you need to hold your baby.

I went on then to having one activity per day through the week( normally the afternoon for me as it fitted with DS routine ) and then no plans at then weekend so we could just cuddle up or go out if we wanted, but no fixed plans. Through the week we had bosom buddies (breastfeeding group) , ducklings, baby's all kind of play, sing along classes, baby massage, yoga and most of them were free at the sure start centre all apart from yoga and ducklings I think.

So Google your nearest centre and download there timetable to see if anything catches your eye. I found the sooner i go out and about and made it our norm, the easier it became, so it didn't have time to be made into this big thing.
Congratulations by the way xx

Remember you are supposed to be looking after and bonding with the baby. Not cleaning/cooking dinner/ walking dogs.

Fed, clean happy baby is the goal. Don't worry about anything else.

It's great to get out for a short walk. Easier once you can drive again to go and visit friends etc. BUT it's also great to sit on the sofa and feed and snuggle with the baby.

My advice is to get out of the house, even if it's just for a walk in the park or to a local baby group. If you have any antenatal/NCT chums, ask if they fancy meeting up for a coffee and a chat, or if you don't know any other mums join your local Facebook group or the Mush app and get networking. It made the world of difference for me. My maternity leave is coming to an end now and without my mum friends it would have been very lonely.

Thank you all so much! There’s some really great advice/tips here and it’s made me feel so much better to take the bull by the horns and get prepared for next week.

Yes to packed lunch and snack station (I had a duplicate by the bed), also get dh to batch cook something like mince so you just need to defrost a portion and dh can heat it.

This is a tough time, dh used to come home and immediately tackle the housework despite being at work all day

You'll find your own routine, don't panic! It's not as hard as you think it's going to be! My dp went away for work when my firstborn was a week old. We all survived it. The best thing i did then was sleep when the baby slept!! Now I'm on baby number 4 and that's a distant memory!

Cook extra for your dinners and freeze for lunch. It really helped knowing all I had to do was to go to the freezer and pull out lunch and stick it in the microwave. I would also recommend batch cooking, so only cook every other night and make enough for two nights (to have the night after or freeze).

Make sure your dh is helping you with the nights because you really should be getting more than 2-3 hours with support, even if it's broken up. With both of mine, I handed them off as soon as they were done feeding and my dh was home and went to bed. I'd often get a stretch of sleep from 9pm-midnight or sometimes 1am. He wore them in a wrap and did a lot of walking around the house jiggling them to keep them asleep or content so I could sleep. Then we switched over at midnight/1am and I did the rest of the night with a couple more broken hours of sleep. But having that one long stretch (whenever baby isn't cluster feeding, so it may not be 9pm-1am, it could be 1-4am, just make your dh go to bed in the evening instead) made a massive difference. It won't be like this forever. You both just need to do whatever you need to do right now to keep functioning. My dh runs a business and works like 50-60 hours a week. He was perfectly fine on 5 hours of sleep for 6 weeks.

Get out for a walk or a coffee most days if you can. Even if just a walk around your house for a bit. It does help. You'll be fine. I actually found it was much easier to get into a rhythm and get on with things when I was by myself. If you're at home, lie down with your baby and sleep when they do. Seriously. Everything else can wait.