Cafcass s7 report, mothering, argh

[Nonmotherof3]

....our section 7 report came back. As expected it's very disparaging of the kids mother. Incredibly so in fact. It basically says she is (actual words) manipulative, dishonest, and emotionally abusive. It suggests the kids live with us and states the only overnight contact should be in a minimum of a years time, and supervised.

Is it strange to be really REALLY sad about that? I feel like We have been on some sort of wave and at times have questioned if because of emotion she really was as bad as we thought she was. Turns out ours was the most positive statement as the social workers in 3 counties said pretty much identical conclusions.

As mothers ( real ones unlike me who is just frankly winging it) how could you let it get that bad? She has tested positive for drugs but minimally....so it's not like she is a massive addict? I just don't get how she could be so bad?

We all come with our own blind spots, and damage.
Some people's damage means they are crap at being parents. However good their intentions.
Usually stems from the parenting they received.
Doesn't excuse being a crap parent, but perhaps makes it easier to understand.

Good job DC have got you guys

My knowledge of addiction is really limited but I think its one of those things that once youre in, you cant easily turn around and she is obviously lost to it (for The time being at least).

As PP said, those kids are so lucky to you have you and their dad in their lives.

No its not strange to be sad about that at all. You hope that both parents after divorce will be able to co-parent properly. The big issue that we have in England and Wales is that mostly the family courts are unable to assess to any acceptable level what good co-parenting should look like in reality. Your post is quite short on background - I haven't bothered to look back at previous posts. So am hoping that the children will benefit from the new arrangements.

To answer your direct question my ex piled enormous pressure on me in every way that he could trying to get me to crack. His aim was always to get full residency. He flung all sorts of fake accusations including CAFCASS and any other agency involved with our DC. They all told him that things were OK but couldnt accept from me that this was him continuing to be abusive. So he has been allowed to get away with it but the ongoing cost to me and our DC is a lot. Your post is short on background - so I am hoping that your partner/the children's father behaved decently and with good moral behaviour at all times.

Hi Greenways. He is really sad too. We both have (and honestly so) protected the kids from the vast reality of the situation. We don't enter into confrontation with her despite her best efforts- he is largely separated as it is all to do with drug use and conduct with new partners (multiple) which has resulted in the kids being put at risk and police/social services being involved.

Think my partner is still in a vast amount of shock about the reality of the situation and how bad it was. The s7 states the kids were borderline child protection case and the mother knew, this was something he was not directly told until they came to us.

It's all been quite awful but the kids are very very secure and happy as a result and we have worked hard to maintain the best possible relationship with their mother as both believe that one day they will see the reality of the situation for themselves and hopefully understand through their own free will the problems and issues which caused them to live with us.

We 'blame' everything on the people that make the choices and they know that when grown ups make bad choices which upset other people a team of people help them make the right ones, headed by a judge who is in charge