So, I'm trying really hard to maintain sanity around this whole issue but struggling! My BF and I have been together for around 14 years and have 1 child together. Prior to meeting me he had a relationship that lasted around 18 months with a lady who had at the time 2 children.
While they were together the kids were introduced to my BF's family and they spent time together. In the end she cheated on him and the relationship disintegrated. He maintained contact with the kids initially, but began seeing them less and less over time. He went away to work in America for over a year where there was pretty much no contact and the mum remarried so the kids had a new father figure in their lives. My BF and I met shortly after he got back from the US and at that point it felt right that he let the relationship with the kids go completely, which was fairly painless for everyone involved.
After we had our daughter, my BF's mum offered to help with childcare when I went back to work which was great, although when we sat down to discuss it there were only certain days/times that she would agree to. It then came to light that she had been seeing my BF's ex's kids all this time without telling him and now couldn't have her granddaughter because of her commitments with seeing them.
My BF's mum loves kids, and would have wanted a large family. She has another daughter who unfortunately hasn't come up with the goods baby wise and we're not really doing too well with only 1 offering either. I'm sure she saw her life surrounded by grand babies so I get why she's clung on, and for the ex free childcare must have been a huge bonus, but it still kind feels like a betrayal.
So to add the cherry on the cake last week she was talking about going to a wedding, but that it would be so difficult as my BF's father broke his leg and she's caring for him at the moment. I was quick to offer all our help and support. Then she goes on to tell me that it's the ex-girlfriends son's wedding, how wonderful he is, and million details about his life. My gut reaction was well, if that's the case you're on your own love. Except I wouldn't ever do that IRL and will of course be ever dutiful. I had to act all sane and like I was totally fine with her giving me all the details about the ex's family and how wonderful they are.
Is it just me in thinking that this situation is a bit messed up? At the minimum if she is maintaining a relationship with these people AIBU in thinking she could at least be a little subtle about it? I get that it's happened and I wish them all the best but I really don't need to know all the details of their lives.
Sometimes I think I just need to take myself off for some loving kindness meditation, and other times I just think FML.