Anxiety about daughter going on holiday with her dad

[Bubblegum89]

Apologies if I’ve posted this in the wrong place.

Basically my daughter’s dad and I haven’t been together since she was 6 months old. She’s now 10 and she still sees him regularly. He has taken her on family holidays in the past (Greece, Italy, Iceland) and I’ve struggled with the anxiety of it but I’ve managed to cope knowing those places aren’t THAT far away and she won’t be gone for THAT long. But in a couple of weeks, she’s going with her dad, grandma and auntie to DisneyWorld in Florida and I’m starting to feel that anxiety again but this time it’s worse.

Florida is so far away and this time she’s going for two whole weeks. I keep having awful thoughts and horrible scenarios keep playing in my head. Planes crashing, terrorist attacks, shootings, right down to drowning, choking on food, getting lost in the parks etc. I’ve been to Florida myself a few times and I know how busy they get and how easy it is to get lost.

I know it all sounds ridiculous and dramatic but I am absolutely terrified that something bad is going to happen to her when she’s so far away. I keep trying to reassure myself about things. For example, planes fly to and from Florida every day and they’ve all been fine. But then my brain goes “yeah but there has to be one time so maybe this will be that one time”. Her grandma is a paramedic so even the little things like choking or hurting herself or her falling ill should be something I’m not overly anxious about because there will literally be a paramedic on standby.

She’s the most precious thing in the world to me and I couldn’t cope if anything bad happened to her. I feel like I’m being ridiculous but it’s keeping me awake at night. I just don’t know what to do to reassure myself enough to curb the anxiety. Anyone been in this same position? How did you deal with it?

I feel your pain OP, my son (who is 9) is going off with his dad today for 2 weeks to Spain. He goes away for 2 weeks every summer, as well as other times throughout the year, and it never gets an easier, if anything just more difficult. The older they get, the more they are into and the more you worry.

I have no doubt that my Ex Husband loves our son, but I sometimes feel that he doesn't 'know him' like I do. He had an affair when DS was 10 weeks old, of course I didn't find out until much later. He's now married to the woman he had an affair with and moved 200 miles to live with her and her son. DS loves his extended family, and to be fair his step mum seems very nice and the few bits of contact that we have had have been very civil, we have each other's number and occasionally message when DS is with them.

It physically hurts when DS is away, I'm constantly on tender hooks, and can't be without my phone 'just incase' I'm needed. I'm not really sure what the answer is, I guess we just have to trust our Ex's and let go a bit, although this doesn't come naturally to me at all.

I just try to focus on when DS will be back, keep myself busy, and look forward to hearing all about his adventures when he comes back.

Your not alone, hang in there x

Thank you for your reply, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that gets so anxious. I feel the same in that I feel like her dad and his side of the family don’t know DD like I do. He also had an affair all the time I was pregnant and for 6 months after (when he left). He’s not with anyone now but he isn’t what I would call a hands-on parent. It’s all about taking her places and spending money but not spending quality time and so I worry that he might miss something or not be aware enough.

Me and my partner have booked to go to Spain for ten days during the time she’s away because I just couldn’t stand the idea of sitting at home all day for two weeks overthinking and worrying. I think my biggest issue other than the distance to America is the time difference. Normally when she’s away, we’re only apart by an hour so calling/texting/FaceTiming is easy. But she will be 6 hours behind taking into account I’ll be in Spain which is an hour ahead and I’m a bit sad that talking to her is going to be more difficult.

I guess I just have to trust that his family are going to look after her properly. I was a little relieved when I found out his mum was going as I know my anxiety would be uncontrollable if I thought it was just him. I just need to find a way to get rid of these awful scenarios that keep creeping up like plane/car crashes. I’m just trying to remind myself that people go on holiday all the time and 99% of the time, nothing goes horribly wrong!