I am so fed up with being pulled in two directions at once I want to SCREAM

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

I have a nearly 6-month-old ds and a nearly 2 year old dd.

And before I had even finished typing that first sentence was SCREAM - dd had just shut her finger in the door.
So I went to give her a cuddle and get her some more milk and of course as I did so ds who had been lying on the babygym kicked off.
So now I've calmed him down.
And this will last for, I don't know, a couple of minutes before someone starts again.

It just feels so constant at the moment - either one is crying or both want the same thing. Last night I had literally about 2 hours sleep because baby kept waking toddler and vice versa.

I am being pulled in two different directions practically all the time, and that's even without thinking about housework/sorting out financial stuff/things related to keeping things going in my career for when I go back to work in Nov.

PLEASE someone come and empathise/tell me it gets better.

What a nightmare. I have no DCs so can't advise but sending you some virtual calming vibes and suggest a deep breath and a cup of tea until someone with more helpful advice comes along.

%%%%%%%virtual calm vibes %%%%%%%%%%

thank you Pink Martini.
cup of tea may be good idea if I ever get there (ds feeding now while dd runs amok)

shudders as age gap will be similar

oh it's not always this bad PregnantGrrl.....

"No baby that's dd's bear! DD have it!"

It gets a lot better once smaller baby is mobile. BUT dd (2.1) has just been invaded by the green eyed monster and it's getting difficult again. There was a 'golden period' when he was 8 mths and she hadn't quite hit the terrible twos. Now, I seem to spend my entire day rescuing him. I'm afraid I went down the 'cc' route with DD as I was determined to sort out any sleep issues before #2 came along. It worked a treat and she sleeps through any amount of crying from her brother. Once you get them both sleeping through, a fog will lift. Ds started sleeping through once I put him into his own room at 9 mths. GOOD LUCK

Kels, thank you (heartfelt!)

Dd has mostly been a brilliant sleeper - she was one of those magic babies that slept through from 7 weeks without us having to make any particular effort though since ds came along she's been a bit less reliable. Last night was not typical of her.
DS on the other hand has been a bit of a nightmare sleep-wise. We did cc a couple of weeks ago because it had got so that he was refusing to sleep anywhere other than my bed, and he is back in his cot now at least. The cc appeared to have got him going 4-7 hours at a stretch but that seems to have evaporated and the trouble is that if we let him cry for any length of time it wakes up dd.

She's not too bad on the jealousy front with me and the baby, but she regards dh as her property and gets extremely upset when he gives the baby any attention so I never really get a break.

Dh has come home from work early and is now playing in the garden with dd.....oh the relief!!!!

oh yeah and she has just hit the terrible 2s - a current favourite is demanding to wear her shoes on the other feet, though the best recent tantrum was when she wanted to build a snowman the other day (the weather's been bad but not that bad!)

I've only got one so far but I do sympathise - dd is 2 and just on her own she can be a serious challenge to my sanity sometimes... (fave activity at the moment is taking off shoes/clothes I have just put on because she wants to do it 'MYSELF!' and we have to leave 5 minutes ago... I know she is just being 2 but argh...

Hey, it could be worse, you could actually BE back at work already and juggling even more on not a lot of sleep - I don't know if that thought is helpful though

Well, hope you all have a better night tonight anyway.

Just the two ....

I do empathise kathy, and yes it does get better.

I had 3 under three and a half and I sympathise. It really is stressful and easy to get down and I found it took quite a while for things to get better.
Getting out always helped. Not things like shopping where you have to focus, but we had a country park near us and would go walking in that. Also put a DVD on when you are breastfeeding. It won't hurt your dd to watch them for a while and if it bothers you get something educational. When I had the third we used a tumbletots video while I was breastfeeding. I know every song on it off by heart .
It will pass and it's o.k. to get down. Remember the mummy mantra - Life won't always be like this.
I could say leave the housework, but I found that if the house was in total chaos I felt even worse. Not talking about being houseproud here but just a house where you can find things.

Yeah Mog you're right about getting out.

Today dh had gone to work with the reins in the boot and the sling is broken and we don't have a double buggy, so today I haven't been able to go further than I can get whilst holding dd's hand and pushing a buggy simultaneously .

The only thing she will watch at the moment is Teletubbies 'Naughty Noo Noo', so yes, I know that by heart . Thank God it exists though! (And I quite like the Teletubbies, so it could be worse.)

Orm & Doggie, thank you for the sympathy.... it really helps being reassured it will get better one day.

Oh and right now she's scared of everything - dogs, ducks, cats, strange men.... - and demands to be picked up the moment one of these appears

(You can tell I'm in that state where I'm focusing on the problems rather than looking for solutions, can't I?)

Actually the teletubbies is quite soothing at times like these

And if it's any consolation I've just totally exploded with my three. They're tired and whingy, not a good combo. Dh says he never heard me shout until we had more than one child. Be kind to yourself.

Might be easier if you were taller
You have my sympathy - my DC are now 5,4 and 3 and i feel as if the fog is lifting. As mog said, it won't always be like this - once they can watch a video and eat popcorn your life will be your own again

LOL Chippy.
You're right - eg if I have to change channels on the remote control it is a huge job involving using all my strength to push it so it is pointing in the right direction, then stamping on the button.
And it's not surprising she's scared of ducks, really - they're as big as elephants when you're only 2 inches.

It definitely gets easier as they get older. They still pull you in different directions but they learn to do things for themselves, and are able to understand that you can't do everything, everybody wants at the same time!!!!

You also learn strategies for managing the never-ending demands. These strategies constantly change as your children's needs change. It is quite hard to advise on these as each individual is so different.

You will find your own way to manage your children and it will get better.

Mimi you're right about the strategies .... I think maybe part of my problem atm is that dd has always been fairly co-operative (if demanding) but just lately she's become obstreperous and my strategies haven't caught up with the shift yet.

Ooh they do that don't they Kathy! Lull you into a false sense of security ....little tinkers

DD is at a sleepover and DS#1 is at a party until 9 tonight,so for the first time for ages DS#2 has has a proper bedtime...I mean with stories (just for him instead of listening in to someones else's) and a long cuddle and a chat. And he fell asleep like a lamb bless him. So I am just thinking about how much easier it was with just DS#1 .....so am sympathising even more .

DD is probably feeling her nose is pushed out of joint(and it has been by the arrival of DS).She is still so, so little but I have no doubt her behaviour can be very, very annoying. I know it it is really, really hard to do this but try and see her as a baby still and make extra allowances for her behaviour.

Could DP spend sometime with Ds so you can do things with DD? Perhaps playing with her in the bath or cuddling while reading a book? They are so little for such a short-time and you will never be able to recapture this time.

I look at my DS 1 sometimes and think I expected so much of him when he was 2, and I had just given birth to DS 2. I have a DD now who is 2 who is treated like a baby still and it makes me sad to think how grown up I expected DS 1 to be at 2.

It is such a difficult period, but you will find your own way to manage.

Mimizan, you are absolutely spot on - we completely forget she is a baby. It's absolutely ridiculous of us but we talk to her as if she's, like, 3 or 4 or something Since having 2 I've been really struck not just by how different they are but also how differently we treat them. We are expecting her to be really mature fgs!

Good idea about getting dh to take the baby while I do her bath or something - she hardly ever gets time with just me. She gets a nice bedtime on her own (except when dh is away) but it's usually dh who does it as the baby tends to want to feed a lot at that time of day.

Orm - I would love to have three

I had a 19 month gap between mine. The first seven months was hell, got easier after that. Now they are 21 months and 3 and a bit it is MUCH easier - however having said that dd is just showing signs of entering the terrible twos My one tip is, however much you don't feel like it, spend a little bit of time each day dedicated to playing with dd on her own. It does work and improved my ds's behaviour a lot. I really struggled to start with with my two as I am a nightmare witch when suffering from sleep deprivation so I sympathise.......

It does get easier. If only if they get up to the same mischief together...

I found going out - to the park, the supermarket or soft play if i had a friend to go with always helped on v bad days.

Aha - well it turns out she's not well (has just been sick) so this may explain some of the impossible behaviour.....