Child maintenance?

[Aanniilleess]

So I'll keep this as short as my ranting will allow.
Basically, I have two children with my ex, he's only just come back into their lives after a year and a half of Houdini-ing and contributing nothing. When we first met up like four months ago to discuss arrangement of when he would see them, he said he would 'give me money for them' it took a while but he finally settled on £100 a month, £50 every two weekends when he sees them. He fetched them a few days ago as he has a week off work, and he was supposed to be paying the £50 he said he'd pay, but he has the nerve to say, 'do you still need the money? Or shall I buy them some new clothes?' Before, he would text me things like 'do you want some money?' And I would either ignore it because that quote just makes my blood boil, or I'd text back saying 'why is it even a question for you to not pay for your children?' Like I'll NEVER beg him to pay for them, but It just feels like he's STILL trying to control my situation. But at this moment in time, I am struggling financially, my wages are basically covering the extra childcare costs and shopping bills are higher due to the holidays. I am trying to cut my other monthly outgoings, but for him to just want to buy them clothes instead of helping with actual living costs for them is so irritating. In fact, can someone clarify for me that that is what child maintenance is for, right? I understand it doesn't go towards my phone bill or whatever, but it does go towards helping with food and bill costs for the children right? Not some snazzy expensive outfit for them.

Child maintenance is for whatever you need it for; rent, electricity and gas bill, food. You know, the things your children need. You do t have to justify what you spend it on.

Is he self employed or employed? Just go through CMS.

@anotherangel2 he's employed. When he first got back in contact I really did think 'well if he wants to be a dad he can pay like a real dad would' and I did consider the CSA route, but tbh, I think he'd react really shitty about that, and I don't want it to effect the children. But it's so annoying because I really am worrying about finances atm. I mean, I rang earlier to speak to my babies, and once again, he had to throw in that he's apparently been down to his work twice today to sort out his pay check because they haven't paid him apparently . I think it's just excuses as always with him. But if he doesn't pay this time, I'll forgive it, we all have money problems, but if it continues and it gets to constant excuses, then I'll just say to him I'll have to go down that route 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Lots of people have money issues but they still managed to pay for their children.

I think the cms would make it easier in the long run and if he acts weirdly then that his is fault. I would tell him you are going to use cms to make it easier for all of you so none of you have to think about it or do anything once it is sorted.

Definitely use CMS. He’s using it as control. It’s also a shitty amount anyway if he’s working.

The money is for absolutely anything you need it for

@anotherangel2 you're probably right, it would make it easier in the long run, and wording it that way might help.

@FranticallyPeaceful I thought that myself, like when I checked the 'calculator' on the CM website, apparently he should be coughing up around £200 a month towards the children, we arranged £100 a month and he still questions why I need money towards his children . He was exactly the same though in the relationship, we were together 7 years and never once had a shared account, he was always so selfish where money was concerned.

BACK AGAIN. Sorry a new development this week in annoying fathers. He had them again over the weekend, and when he dropped them back off, he said - and brace yourselves - "we've decided to give them £20 each every time they come down" . I said "what do they need £20 for?" He said it's basically because they spend so much when they're down there apparently, because they obviously have access to his card details and buy things. So I said "are you serious? That's ridiculous, what do children need £20 for?" And he just said "it's not ridiculous it makes sense" and that was the end of that!!

I was honestly p*ssed off. I mean, I'm definitely going to get in touch with CSA now, I just honestly wanted to share how ridiculous he is haha!

Should I message him first giving him one more chance to send regular money directly to me? Or should I just contact CSA and let it be a surprise for him? .

Hmm... so you're deciding between a regular £200 directly into your account, and an illusive £100 that you will have to keep reminding him about and will never actually get? The man's a wrongun, he should have been paying half towards his children all their lives and hasn't. You need to put them first and get them their money.

@catlady34 you're so right 😩. He's just an embarrassment and a total wrong'un. I'll get on to them today for sure. Another thing if anyone knows, he's quite the scammer and seems to wriggle his way out of A LOT of repayments - I'm still the one paying off a catalogue debt from years ago cause it was stupidly in my name - how is the money taken from him? Will it come directly out of his bank? What if he cancels the payments and refuses to pay? . Because I can see that happening already. He'll claim he hasn't got enough to pay and blah blah. So what happens then? .

It comes out of his salary, he never even touches it. There's no way he can stop the payments unless he goes self employed.

Actually, sorry it seems that's one of the ways to reclaim it. Have a look at this www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/nonpayment-what-happens

@catlady34 thank you for the help hun, I've had a total read of that now. Seems a lot can be done if he misses payments 😦.

In addition to this post - again - I'm feeling nervous to actually claim it now. I worry he'll kick off, he definitely won't be happy. How do I deal with this? Has anyone else had an ex that wasn't too happy about maintenance payments for their own children(!!!). What happened? .

What do you think he'll do? How old are the children? Would he be nasty in front of them or will it be abusive texts?

My ex paid nothing for a year a half, finally agreed to £30 a week, after 2 weeks he decided to drop it to £20 a week. I went to the CMS, he kicked off sending text after text of name calling and insults, then eventually settled down. It's not nice but it is worth it. Incidently, since we've been on direct pay he has the children overnight more reguarly, before it was roughly once every 6 weeks, now it's 4 times a month because if he has them less he has to pay more.
CMS decided on £200 a month btw, doesn't go far between 3 kids (he has 4 in total)

@LoveSummerLife my children are 7 and 5 this month. I honestly don't know how he'll react. There would definitely be some angry texts like asking me why, or saying 'you could of said if you were struggling for money' - which drives me bonkers anyway. I just always worry because he comes from a dodgy family, he knows some questionable people, and he knows where I live and that while the babies aren't here, he knows I'm in on my own. I overthink things but you never know haha.