Self Organisation - Help Pls. I can't get anything done, dk why?!

[SafariMum]

I have 3 dcs oldest 11, youngest 6. It's school holidays and I work PT, luckily I can reduce my work to a day a week in the holidays so with dcs most of the time. But I have a big problem, I literally feel like I have lost my mojo, I don't plan anything, I don't do things that are urgent (like buy travel insurance or pay bills), the house is a mess, I walk past piles of stuff and ignore them, though I am thoroughly fed up with the mess, I just cannot bring myself to sort it out. Like clearing out dcs wardrobes from clothes that don't fit. I have school forms to fill in, ignored them too. I go to the supermarket every now and then alone, and sit in my car wasting time on my phone looking at Insta when I have so many more important things to do. I have always been a bit hit and miss with self organisation but it has become overwhelming now.
My job today was to chase my old employer who owes me a pay check - did I do it NO, couldn't bring myself to do it, and don't know why.
Just want to know if anyone has any advice on how and where I can start to turn this around?
And also how do you organise your life, including children activities, work, school stuff, home life, shopping/eating, social life, paying bills, home improvements, how do you stay on top of all this?
Thank you all x

I don't know the answer to this. I do have similar days! But then sometimes I actually quite enjoy a good (uninterrupted) sort out!

However, to make you feel better, my DH took kids away for 12 hours yesterday. I did approx. 2 hours work, then had a 3 hour nap, a good 4 hour sit around pissing about watching tv etc and went to the shops for 2/3 hours. I hadn't even hung up the washing when he got home, what a loser.

I am quite a lazy person though, I'm obese and I don't exercise and I think this has a lot to do with my general energy levels. What is your diet like? I feel amazing when I manage to cut carbs and sugar. The internet is a time sucker for me too as well as being a bad thing often for my mental health. I feel much better for not having any social media and I don't even know how to work Instagram or Twitter. Could you delete some social media apps?

Practically wise, I write very boring daily to do lists on my phone. These can be months in advance reminding me to book MOT or the dentist or return a form to school as well as a daily diary of what is happening when. Do you have a partner? Mine tends to defer to me with organisation, doesnt have a clue what we've bought kids' for their birthdays until they are ripping the wrapper off etc. but if I remember to comunicate effectively with him and share the load, it does help (I am bad at this).

Do you have any scheduled time off/down time when you are not with kids as this helps me feel refreshed and ready to deal with daily life.

I want you topost back tomorrow to say you've chased your missing salary! You don't have to do anything else. Just spend 5/10 minutes making a call/sending an email.

Thanks lilydaisyrose
I am a loser! I will say I'm doing cuz then be totally lazy and do jack all.
My diet is ok, I don't really have a sweet tooth, if anything I also can't be bothered to prepare food, and find eating such a chore! I don't say no to a glass of wine though, I tell myself I've deserved it, for what, I don't know, because I didn't do much. I'm also snappy with my kids when they bicker.
My body weight is average, and I recently started exercising a bit but this has not helped in other areas of my life.
I'm going to follow up on that money I am owed tomorrow, I really need it!
Thanks again.

It’s not the doing the work, it’s the starting the work... doing the work is often better than the guilt of not doing it!

Have you got a friend who can help? If you arrange to do the wardrobes with someone, it will get done. I actually paid an organiser when we moved last and together we sorted out my house, it was amazing.

Do the money thing now and then come back and tell us you’ve done it.

A bit of a personal question here but how is your mental health. Lack of motivation to do anything can be a sign of depression. However for me it is a sign of internet obsession and exhaustion. No advice but I am interested in hearing others to help me get off my backside!

How do you organise yourself at work? Could you break up your day with slots and pretend you are at work with deadlines?

So timetable out a schedule for tomorrow:

8-9am shower; dressed; breakfast
9-9.30am put all the stuff lying round thw house in the room it belongs (not away)
9.30-10am make any phonecalls needed
10am-12noon out witb the kids. Even if just a supermarket run or a walk.
12-1pm Lunchbreak
1-2pm pick two rooms and do some tidying/sorting/putting away. Stop each room after 30mins.
2-2.30pm laundry on/clothes away etc
2.30-3pm tea break, hang out with the kids.
3-4pm pick a drawer/box you mean to sort and start!
4pm clock off.

@Napqueen
Honestly that is amazing I've never thought of organising my time like that. I wake up and wander around wondering what to do. I'm terrible at work, but get away with it because I have a secretary who tells me what I'm doing and when. She once rang me to ask if I was on my way, it was 910am, because I had apparently told her to book a meeting, which I never noted down, and was sat instead on a plane to Barcelona. When I have a paperwork deadline at work she sends me electronic reminders daily.

Ps my mental health is fine, I'm not depressed, I love life just hate that I have been so disorganised and avoidant of tasks for so long that it's now overwhelming me.

Maybe your secretary could draw up a loose schedule for weekends/days off? I do a similar role and would squeeze that in no probs.

Hi safarimum

Wondering if you've always been like this? Or is it a recent thing?

You're not a loser. I relate to what you describe and for me it's about being demotivated. I mean, there's only so long you can get excited about doing mundane household tasks. I have not dusted in about 7 years...

Sorry that's no help lol

Following this with interest as it's me too

@Napqueen
My boss gets really passed off when secretary does anything non work related for me, she was caught scanning a school form for me.

@Emma303
I have always been like this, everytime I move house I take previously unpacked boxes with me. I lost marks on uni work from not spellchecking, library fines that cost more than a monthly shop!

safarimum
Sounds like me! Not saying the same for you but I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 31! I always had the issues but I thought it was just me who was useless! I have 3 children and work part time. Always have struggled with staying on tasks. Time management I'm late for everything! I put off the most important things or I literally just genuinely forget. I will start to browse online for something and 5hours have passed and u didn't order the thing I wanted but end up googling random things or shopping for things I don't need and never end up buying It lol. It on my occurred to me that I had an actual problem after my son was diagnosed and I learnt alot about it all. I always thought ADHD ment hyperactive which I'm not. But I do talk alot lol I tend to waffle on (hense long post lol) I know alot of people have the same issues as in lacking motivation and becoming distracted but mine was to the point it was effecting my everyday life my marriage and my parenting. It's all those issues all at once and u can't think straight. Again I'm not saying you have it but I was browsing and come across your thread and thought wow that sounds just like me. Hope you don't take this the wrong way

Nap Queen's idea is good. Sometimes I put myself on a timetable like that.

I think you may be depressed. You may also be having your time sucked away by the internet. Have you got any blocking software? I use that when I want to get things done - I've got something called Self Control, that's really easy to sign up for and use. I have Mumsnet on the blocked list!!!

Also, you may just feel overwhelmed by all the boring chores you have to do. It sounds like everything has built up. It's really hard to get motivated about loads of incredibly dull chores. My top tip would be: pick five things that need doing on any one day, and just do those. Don't think that you have to do it all at once. Keep doing five things every day, and you will get there eventually.

And that tip in the great timetable post above, about setting a time to clock off - that's a really good idea. You need to build nice things into your day, instead of thinking that the whole day should be full of chores.

I make myself a list in my onenote app, and then prioritise it by the must do (ie chase that pay cheque) and the nice to have (house tidying chores). I start from the top and work my way down, but accept some stuff at the bottom may never get done.

I think its also ok to admit to yourself that you're bored with running around doing chores, and that they're thankless tasks that may be undone by your kids in a few days time! Could you plan something nice to do with that extra pay cheque, as a bit of a motivator? Even if it's just a coffee out with friends?

This is something I struggle with too - I sometimes feel completely overwhelmed, don’t know where to start so just wander around aimlessly beating myself up for not being organised and like a ‘proper’ Mum (whatever that is!). To really get myself going on days like these, I read unfuck your habitat emergency cleaning schedule, you work in time bands so 20 mins on, 10 mins off or 45/15 with the aim to reduce the mess from a 10 down to a 6 (for example) quickly. No focusing on deep cleaning, just a general clean and tidy look.

To stay on top of life stuff, I put dates in our shared calendar (my memory is shot to shit so if it’s not on my phone it just doesn’t happen!) and have a list of important stuff to do in notes on my phone. I meal plan, buy what we need and try to stick to it, and try to do bits and pieces when I can.

Then I have a few bad days with my teething DTs, it all goes to shit, and I start wandering aimlessly round the house, drowning because I’m so far behind where we need to be, and the process starts all over again 🤣

I'm like you - telling people you're about to do something doesn't help, in fact I've told people I've done something just to get them off my back and then not done it anyway. I know that it would be easier and less stressful just to do it but it's like I dig my heels in. If I tell myself to do something, I also rebel and don't do it. It can cause a fair amount of stress. Totally redundant and pointless stress as why can't I just bloody do it. It's a bit like there is two halves of me - one half really wants to get stuff done, is a busy person who knows that she could be absolutely fabulous if only the procrastinating lazy arsehole half could get her shit together.

My job has to do with efficiency - so where processes are long-winded, I make them more efficient and less work for everyone who has to do them. I am pretty sure that this is the fabulous hard-working half trying to appease the lazy good-for-nothing half.

I manage at work better than I do in my personal life but I do have to give myself total deadlines - as in convince myself that these deadlines are necessary and not something I can fudge, I can then rouse myself to do the work about 5 mins before the deadline! Very rarely, the pointless half seems to go on holiday and I get loads done. I have learned to take advantage of those times.

@Emma303
Wow! My family have often jokingly called me ADHD. I am also hyperactive, I move around a lot, even when I sit I am fidgety.
We have a personal loan that is accruing loads of interest I think 600quid a year, all I have to do is go into three separate savings account transfer the money and pay off and close the loan - did I do it, No. It annoys me that I can't just do it.

I really don't think I'm depressed, my mood is generally really good, unless I remember the stuff that needs doing.

I read a book called 'getting things done' but only made it half way through that.

@Enb76 - I am so bad, I literally talk my way out of things, I'm very good at that. I will find a good reason why a deadline can't be met, and seem to be able to get everyone to agree with me, apart from one job, which I left because I was so shit at sticking to the deadlines.

Anyway, what do 'proper mums' do to organise their children's lives, please do share, do you organise what you're doing in the holidays, plan things in advance? I'd love to be that mum, but I am a sorry excuse.

safarimum
Haha could be then! I ended up seeking help as my mood swings were becoming alot. I think I noticed my problems magnified once my youngest started school as I was left to my own devices and I realised how bad things were! I'm not lazy but I struggle. Anyway i am now on medication for the ADHD as the specialist said he thought i would benefit. I'm still trying to work out dosage and build up but I honestly notice such a difference. I use my time more constructively. And most of all my head has slowed down a bit! I'm still not getting loads done around the house. But my bills are paid I even renewed my tax credits soon as i got the letter lol usually i have to phone and ask for an extension. I very nearly lost my son's secondary school place through my carelessness and I didn't read the letter thoroughly and didn't see I had to email them! I'm not a careless person in general I know what my priorities are but I always get side tracked or over whelmed. Same as you my eldest is 11 and youngest is 6 this month lol do a little bit of research into adult adhd. I no alot of people are dismissive towards adhd and think it's just a diagnosis for naughty children. And I used to think the same until I had my middle DS.

I know where you're coming from! And feel your pain lol

@Emma303
Thanks!
The thing I worry about with ADHD is the medication, I'd rather not be on it, I know people who take it and they've lost their appetite and can't sleep at night. Plus I think I don't actually know the 'method' for being more organised if I can learn that and put it in to practice I'm hoping it will help. If not even on medication I would need to learn the 'methods' that have been missing from my life.

A list is a good idea, but don’t make it too long or too vague e.g. don’t write ‘tidy the house’ because that’s a) a big job, b) never finished and c) doomed to fail. Try ‘put clean laundry away’. Ticking things off the list, however small, is progress. With letters/emails etc I try to use the OHIO principle - Only Handle It Once - so you get the letter about renewing tax credits and do it straight away, or reply to the letter about the school place there and then. Then you can forget about those jobs because they’re taken care of.

safarimum yes of course I agree with you there. It's not something i thought i would ever do! But j learnt that no matter how many methods I learnt i couldn't put any into place because of how I am do I was fighting a losing battle with myself lol. I still have my appetite which is the side effect I was hoping to get as I have pcos and struggle with weight loss lol. I do find I go asleep slightly later then I used to conk out but generally I'm not so tired so that's a plus. I'm just seeing how it goes at the moment. I find writing lists and giving myself small goals was one way that worked for me . They looking up KON Marie the art of tidying I am not the best at reading a whole book. But what I read was interesting and could be helpful . Good luck

Anyway, what do 'proper mums' do to organise their children's lives, please do share, do you organise what you're doing in the holidays, plan things in advance?

I planned well in advance and married a TA. He is off all school holidays so I just trot off to work. He isnt too scheduled apart from the morning routine (kids have a list to work through before tablet time). But he seems to relish being out and about with the dcs so they have great days out then me and him split the housework when I get in and weekends.