HELP! What’s wrong with me?

[Westlife12]

I have two children, eldest is 5 and youngest is 14 months. It’s the school holidays at the moment and I don’t drive, so getting to places isn’t always easy and some days we spend inside and OMG it’s seriously cabin fever. I do try and get out even if it’s just a walk to the shop.
I feel like I have no patience at all. Like I shout at them all the time, even the baby. They aren’t even naughty, I’m just so irritable and can’t seem to de stress.
My youngest is just into everything at the moment so the only time I get a break is when she’s asleep - which should be prime time to play with my eldest but I sometimes just want to hide with a coffee 😭
My eldest has bladder problems, only in the past 6 months or so and is undergoing tests but she needs the toilet every 20 minutes and it’s absolutely draining. Wherever we are we just have to drop everything and find a toilet because she can’t hold it either. She’s also started wetting the bed. I know its not her fault so I never get angry about it with her but it’s just another added worry and stress.
My OH works 6 days a week (can sometimes be 7) so it really is just me and the kids. Some days he can be the only adult interaction I have and it’s not always pleasant. I feel like there’s definitely some underlying issues that need addressing - but I just feel so alone. Not to over share but I don’t even think he’s sexually attracted to me anymore if you know what I mean.
I have some family that live locally but even visiting them can be stressful (because family is just family and “I chose to have kids” so have to deal with it) but I need a f break and can’t seem to catch one. I have a few friends but none of them my age have 2 kids and a mortgage so is hard to relate and really talk to them about my problems.
Am I depressed?

I don’t think it’s wrong to feel fed up, can you put your eldest in pull up pants for a little while to ease that pressure. Getting up in the night to strip beds, bath children is hard enough let alone having another young child. Maybe that’s a bad idea but I that’s my initial idea to make nights easier.
When you shout maybe rethink how you would have liked to respond and just say Mums sorry what I meant to say was ......
It gets easier as they get older. The children can play together and go to the toilet and it’s less stressful for you. Someone will be along with much better ideas Im sure.

I feel she's too old for that though and I don't want to make her feel like a baby? I know what you mean, it would relieve the stress but she wakes up when she does it as well so I'd still be up and changing her.

9 times out of 10 I do always say "Mummy's sorry for shouting" I just feel like I say it far too often 😭

Thank you so much for your reply x x

A 5 year old is not too old for pull-ups. Especially when they have a sensitive bladder.

I think how you feel is completely understandable as you don’t have a break. Ever. Do you have a softplay you can walk to because that was a lofesaver for me, and some have meet up classes (though probably don’t run in school hols).

Perhaps it's a route to explore - she's just such a sensitive little thing and I don't want her to go from knickers to pull ups and get all upset.

There is a soft play actually, it's a bit of a walk which is probably why I've never considered it. Thankyou I'll definitely be taking a trip there this week!

it sounds tough. I have 2 small dc and also end up losing my patience much more often than I'd like to. It's just unrelenting and broken nights sap your patience. Do you have any friends or acquaintances you could invite over (even if they don't have 2 kids?). My dc always seem better behaved when others are around, and 2 adults somehow make it easier.

I don't know if youre depressed or just tired, lonely and stressed by young dc, but i would chat to your health visitor or GP if you're not sure. Hope things pick up soon.

If you’ve got somewhere safe where you can let them free how about can let the eldest free with her own bubble wand and use one yourself to entertain the youngest. A couple of years ago I got some giant bubble wands from Tesco with refills at £1 and children of all ages really enjoy them. Maybe take a few sandwiches and some drinks ( nothing elaborate as the perfection seeking makes you feel fed up when it takes ages and they don’t like them) I think the fresh air and simple pleasures can be liberating, you won’t have massive expectations and if they can’t do the bubble wand no problem. The wands are quite impressive as they give lots of big bubbles rather than small ones. Even if everyone gets covered in wet bubbles just laugh about it or go with the idea that it will be fun if messy. Hope something like that helps. I used to get my music out and we’d dance and laugh, I have also got stressed and shouted, everyone does because life isn’t perfect and it’s not fair to expect you need to be. I think it’s good you say sorry, forgive yourself and breathe.It will definitely improve.

The bubble wand sounds good, she has plenty of things like that! We do spend time in the garden and there's some great parks for picnics not too far away but defo too far to walk! I'll look at bus routes actually! Thankyou 🙂

Tortycat, you're right they do seem better behaved when other people are around, my youngest is so mischievous so they have a good laugh about it but 24/7 it becomes to draining! Thank you though I agree it's probably more just a reaction to lack of sleep and stress rather than depression. Loving how supportive people are on here! This is my first thread and instantly feel better x

You've got two user names!

Mine are similar ages. There is no way I could do 6 days with them with no adult contact. Even after a day I find myself stretched, we do activities and have nice moments but I am constantly having to bark the older one to be gentle with the baby or at the baby to stop climbing on the table. I would suggest, at a minimum, getting dressed and them dressed and out by about 9 to the park, shops, soft play, library or wherever. Do a packed lunch, just get them out. Then you need some adult company. You'll need some play dates. Do you know any parents from your kids school or stay and play? If not try the hoop app/mush app to try and meet some. Even a couple of meet ups a week will give you a bit of company. Wish you well, it's not easy to do this on your own and I rely on friends and family for adult stimulation

I didn't even know those apps existed! Thank you! And it really is hard, I've made a list of things to do to get us out and about, need to be occupied every minute of every day 😰

Advice is much appreciated everybody.
X

I am struggling a bit with the cabin fever thing too. I have 3 dc but I am finding the pre-schooler + baby thing a real struggle especially because of the heat (my car has broken down, so also restricted but not driving far anyway due to sleepless nights).
The sleep deprivation thing gets me so that I have little patience with my pre-schooler who naturally wants my attention but without pre-school (childcare) I am craving a bit of headspace at the moment. My eldest dc is having sleepovers and is able to organise her own time and is obviously far more portable and this makes a massive difference.
I get what you mean about cabin fever. We have no extended family and I am an older mum so most of my friends have older children and most seem to be doing some exciting thing or other (or that's how it seems).
DH doesn't seem to have much social interaction himself at work, so conversation can be limited. I tend to have lots of short walks (sometimes in the hope of bumping into someone and having a chat). I take dc to the park/local shop etc. I have even organised a baby weigh in appointment for next week to give some structure to our day. Sorry not much advice really but I have used baths to break up screen time etc. in the past when pregnant (I struggled then too).

I don't think you're depressed, I think you're stressed - & understandably so! Although I know it's not easy the best thing for all 3 of you will be to get out! I literally pack a bag, brush my hair & shove it up, chuck on some clothes use a wet wipe to get rid of the child related splatters & head out! Sometimes I don't even know where I'm going.. but it's nice to see the world moving around you is there not anyone who can have your DC for even a few hours? Grandparents/aunties/uncles? You really need a break OP, you will probably feel so much better after an afternoon spent alone in silence! You're a good mum & you're doing great. X