Struggling with two and no sleep

[WhoAteAllthePercyPigs]

Hi all. Not sure whether I'm after advice or just need to vent!

I have two DC. DD is 3.1 and DS is 9 months. DD has always been a poor sleeper but finally started sleeping through at 2.5. DS is also a non sleeper, he hit the 4 month regression and it's been downhill ever since.

I was coping, just about, until recently. DS's sleep has taken a turn for the worse - he's teething and is a very active boy, cruising and doing his best to stand. So that might be it, plus the 9 month regression but who really knows? Meanwhile, DD has started waking during the night. Usually we try to comfort her and she'll go back down but there have been a few nights where she's had to go into bed with my DH (We are sleeping separately as DH has a long commute and I am on maternity leave).

I am bf DS and know I shouldn't settle him with this. But he is such an angry baby and will roarif I try anything else. I'm too tired to keep trying!

It is killing me. In theory DH should respond to DD when she wakes but he is a heavy sleeper and needs to be refreshed for work (he doesn't do well on severe sleep deprivation, he has a stomach issue that's easily triggered). So I'm looking after both DC at night unless it's so bad that I take DD into DH's room. It will be the case that when I've got one to sleep, the other wakes and it goes on and on like that!

I know it's just a phase and will pass etc but I'm really struggling to cope. Night time is bleak, I feel so hopeless and desperate. I get so angry with both DC too, I know it's not their fault of course but it's just such a frustrating situation. I'm worried for my mental and physical health. Plus I'm back to work in October and have no idea how I'll cope if this is still going on- although DH will have to share the load then which he knows and he is absolutely going to do.

Anyone been through this and can reassure me there's light at the end of the tunnel??

Your now is not your forever. This is a tough time and sleep deprivation is the worst so it's understandable that you feel crap.
In think if your son settles on the boob just do it to get some rest and may be in a few days your daughter will settle more.
Try getting some new bedding for her bed and making a fuss of big sisters needing to show little brothers how to sleep all night.
Is there anyone who could take the kids for a few hours whilst you get some sleep. It can make the world of difference. Sending virtual hugs and gin

Don't worry about oct until oct. Concentrate on now and getting some rest

Read Sarah Ockwell-Smith Gentle Sleep. Sounds like you don’t have much time but basically she argues modern society expectations make us fight natural sleep for our babies. Its only us in certain countries like here in the Uk that even label sleep problems. In short her book says bf to sleep, babywear and co-sleep its 100% natural.

If he settles BF definitely carry on with that. Personally I'd cosleep in order to maximise your sleep.

As for DS, that would be DH's responsibility for me. I'd probably put a monitor in her room and make sure he had it on loud if he wasn't getting up to her.

I think we might be twins. My DD has slept through sporadically for a while, but she has always been an early riser. 5am.

We have an 8month old baby who has settled back bit recently but still wakes once or twice.

The proverbial straw has come recently, with the 3year old waking in the night and taking up to an hour to settle, but still being up before the sun ( 4.15 this am)

I think it might be because she has recently potty trained and I think is waking up if she needs a wee, or has done one in her nappy and doesn't like the feeling. Could that be a problem for you?

I can really empathise as I’ve been there with my now 3yo and 1.5yo. The little one has always been a terrible sleeper and I’m now expecting No. 3.

I think you have two options.

You could continue to BF DS to sleep if it gets you more sleep all round and makes for an easier life. Yes I agree that biologically speaking babies are wired to BF to sleep and co-sleep. But society has moved on and we now live in a world where many women need/want to go back to work and need to be able to function rather than walking round like zombies.

Alternatively at 9mo you could consider might weaning DS if you think this may reduce the wakings. Yes it will be horror for 2-3 nights but hopefully after that he will stop waking so often if the milk incentive is removed. I might weaned DD2 at 10-11mo as she was waking every 30-90 min and I was not in a good place.

For me doing some sleep training was the right thing for our family. I also started it 2 months before going back to work. If you wait until you go back in the hope that a miracle will occur, if probably won’t and you’ll feel more under pressure to find a solution at a time when there’s more in your plate.

Good luck whatever you decide!

My kids are almost exactly the same ages as yours!

We’ve had ups and downs with sleep. Toddler was usually fab, but definitely regressed a bit with new baby. What was waking the toddler was needing to pee at night. So we implemented taking him before we went to bed. That has hugely helped.