Does this sound normal for a 3/4 year old?

[mockorangey]

My DS is almost 4 and starts school in September. He is a lovely little boy - funny, smart etc. He goes to nursery 3 days a week and enjoys it and gets on well there.

The reason I'm posting is that he doesn't seem to have much enthusiasm for things outside of nursery and the home. I see his cousins and peers learning to ride bikes, swimming, gymnastics, or just having fun at the paddling pool. In contrast, DS is either nervous or uninterested in trying things. This year we have done a term of swimming lessons - with mixed results, and a dance class (as he likes dancing at home/nursery) in which he mostly just wanted to "watch" or be carried (despite knowing a few children in the class). We went on holiday to Centre Parcs a few months ago, and although he enjoyed the swimming pool, he didn't want to do any other activities.

At the moment, he is obsessed with Paw Patrol. I let him watch 3 episodes per day (~30 minutes total), and he plays with his Paw Patrol toys for a good portion of the day. Is there such a thing as being too obsessed with a TV programme? He doesn't want to watch anything else. He has always been like this with TV - only wanting to watch one thing at a time. Sometimes I wonder if I should get him to watch other things just to broaden his horizons??

Inbetween playing with Paw Patrol toys, we do other things like board games, playdough, reading or whatever. Obviously we go out, usually to parks, playgrounds etc at this time of year. His enthusiasm for all of these things varies, even if he is bored and there is nothing better to do.

So basically is this all normal? I sometimes feel like he needs more to engage him/challenge him - yet I can't figure out how to broaden his horizons and get him to actually try things and enjoy them.

Totally normal from my grand experience of bringing up two boys. Is he a sensitive temperament do you think?

Mine only wanted to do classes when they were a bit older. I think its fine. Just keep offering opportunities and new experiences without being pushy.

Also the watching only one thing on tv was the same. The topsy and time phase was the most trying imo!

He sounds a bit like my boys. They're 3 and 5. Both can be a bit anxious about new things and don't always like joining in with something in a new environment straight away. DS1 is a terrible perfectionist as well and he gets easily frustrated with things if he can't do it straight away. He was like this with his bike, but we persevered with it, getting him to ride round the garden and now he loves it.

I would say thay my dc were enthusiastic about free play of their choice, e.g. park/swiming/throwing stones in the sea..but they hated groups and structured classes. Or indeed anything that wasn't their idea. This does sound similar to your son I think. I do remember being a bit concerned with my first ds but he loves trying new things now and likes classes. So i relaxed with my younger son and trust that he will get there too. They are both quite sensitive personalities and I think they just need to do things in their own time and to be given the space to do so.

It can take a really long time for children to settle into a new environment like a dance class. My DD took months to become independent at her dance class, and she’s a super confident Paw Patrol obsessed 3 year old.

It sounds like he knows what he likes and is busy doing it. I think it all sounds fine. I’m sure the games they invent for themselves are really important and satisfying some kind of developmental need or helping them process something. Some kids are more cautious than others. My brother was very reticent as a child and I threw myself at things - he is a very impressive adventurous adult now and far braver than me!

Quite normal. He's only three and will grow into activities that he likes as he gets a bit older.

Definitely normal! I think that classes are often better when they’re slightly older. My two boys aged 3 and almost 5 are the same - not bothered about going, not wanting to go, being shy when there, etc. And the obsession in our house is vehicles of any type. Despite having a variety of toys, they always go back to their cars/trucks.

very normal

It sounds completely normal. My 4, almost 5 year old doesn’t want to do anything structured at all. Despite having 2 older sisters who he sees doing all sorts of classes and different activities, he is not interested and just wants to play (usually with me), mainly at home. He has just completed his first year in reception, and I’ve found that having to attend school everyday has been more than enough for him, especially as he is one of the youngest in his year.

but they hated groups and structured classes. Or indeed anything that wasn't their idea

Also this: not bothered about going, not wanting to go, being shy when there, etc

This absolutely describes DS. He will sometimes get bored and ask me for ideas of what to do, but will reject my ideas 90% of the time! A couple of days later he will then instigate playing whatever I had previously suggested, but passing off the idea as his own

He might be a bit sensitive I guess. Though he gets on very well at nursery and socialises well there. He is IMO very stubborn. I remember at his first swimming lesson, the lady next to me said her daughter was nervous, but she thought she'd be ok because she was "always eager to please". This is never a phrase that I've used to describe DS!

Just to be clear, it's not just classes, but anything really. He can be quite moany sometimes when we're out. Playdates are becoming quite difficult as he'll often want to go home early which can be a bit embarrassing. These are playdates with my friends and their kids, who he knows but aren't necessarily best friends etc.

Anyway, thanks for all the reassuring comments, it really does help knowing that it's normal!

Your little boy is completely normal.

Totally normal and sounds just like my ds2, who is also 4 and about to start school this Sept.

My ds knows what he likes and likes what he knows. Prefers to sit and watch others at soft play, moans that he wants to go home within five mins of getting to a friends house, prefers to play by himself (or with his brothers).

I just think he's sensitive and stubborn and will get there in his own sweet time. Haven't tried him with classes as will wait until he's in Yr1 and see if he would like to try something.

Oh, he is also the opposite of a people pleaser and always has been! I have just got used to him now and love him all the more for it

My eldest was like this, I spent a deal of time wishing he were different (less like me I guess). It took until he was in his teens for him to challenge himself and even then he’d watch events from the sidelines before he got involved.

He’s just finished his 1st year at uni and has developed a habit of booking cheap flights and just heading off alone to explore. This week he’s booked a trip to Marrakesh. He took a long time to find his adventurous spirit but he did get there in the end.

I have a 3yo, nearly 4. This seems normal.

Yep, having just had a day at an amazing play in the park event with lot of free activities, where it took a lot of work to entice DD into doing anything and her first request was to go home.