Two year old wont play independently - my fault?

[Mrsharper88]

I am prepared to be told I am a bad mum but I really struggle to do anything with my DS (just turned 2) at home other than watch the telly.

I take him out as much as I can and this is fine, although he wont play independently even at toddler groups or soft play. The only time he will go off and play is with other young children that he knows very very well (hes very shy). When we are home I cannot get him to concentrate on anything apart from TV. His attention span is so short. I try cooking, drawing, reading, he has toys cars/ trains/ babies/ soft toys/ puzzles/books but none of these entertain him for more than a couple of minutes . He wants my attention constantly and I find it so intense to try and find activities that I usually end up resorting to the telly (if its a day i cant go out).
I am heavily pregnant with DC2 so really want to find a way to keep him entertained at home without always resorting to the tv!

Does anyone have any advice? I would appreciate anything - I've asked friends for advice but they don't have any as their children seem to play independently, so this makes me think its something I am doing wrong.

I don't have any practical advice on what might work for your son but just wanted to say my DD was exactly the same until she was three! I worried constantly as to why she wouldn't/couldn't play on her own and why she needed my involvement or me to lead on every activity. We attended baby/toddler classes, groups, soft play etc so had several opportunities a week to play and socialise with other children the same age. Things suddenly changed as she approached her third birthday and now at 3yrs 4mths she's very sociable, loves playing with other children and actively approaches other children to play with her, she has a great imagination and will happily play on her own for half our or so at a time. Maybe it's age/development related.

Please don't think of yourself as a bad Mum!! He wants to be with you all of the time as you make him feel safe and you're clearly fun to be with!

Mine was also like this and I know a lot of others like it too. It is hard work (esp when people tell you to enjoy it while it lasts 🙄- easier said than done!) As mine approached three he became more independent esp. as he developed an interest in fire engines... he just wanted to play with them all the time. As yours starts to develop interests, I'm sure it will be the same.

Good luck 👍🏻

What happens if you're playing cars or what ever and nip to the loo, does he stop playing and want to come, or carry on for 2 mins?

I think it's largely personality, but you can train by regularly leaving them engrossed in something and pop away for a minute, then longer.

Thank you for your replies, it’s really reassuring that it isn’t just DS so hopefully it is not to do with my parenting!
Do you have any advice for how to manage this kind of intensity emotionally? I find some days really overwhelming and the idea of a years maternity leave with DS following me around yelling “mummy mummy mummy” any time I need to look after the new baby is filling me with fear at the moment.

Yes, I always try nipping out and coming back but he just follows me and then won’t go back to the original activity so then I have to try and find a new activity to entertain him. It feels like such a hard work and sometimes I worry I just am not cut out for parenting!

Xx

Sounds like my DD... she’s only 14 months though. We go out loads and if we’re home I put out loads of toys and have the TV on in the background... sometimes she alternates between toys and TV other times just sits and watches TV.

It’s one of the reasons I try and get out every day otherwise I feel guilty she’s watching too much TV, all about balance, I wouldn’t worry :)

My 2.5yo dd is the same. Attention span of a gnat.

She is getting better at playing with me with her toys (until recently she showed no interest in any toys at all really, despite my forced enthusiasm). But i have to lead everything. Even to the extent where if we’re playing with a dolls house for example she will say mummy do it. So I play, and she watches .

She also will come with me / come and find me if I say I have to nip to the loo / kitchen / wherever.

No idea what, if anything, I can do to encourage her to play more by herself. But I’m also getting concerned about dc2’s imminent arrival.

Normal, he's just two

you're not a bad mum.

I have found if you can push through the whinging/nagging stage they will find something to occupy themselves.

Otherwise you can get him to 'help' you with whatever you're doing. Now my kids are older I tell them I'll find them a job if they can't entertain themselves. Obvs that's not going to work with a 2 y o but I think it is a personality thing as it's only my dd1 who gets bored, dd2 can play alone quite well.

He is only very little he is meant to have a short attention span!
Some children will happily play independently (my ds1 was like this) others not so much. My ds2 always wanted my involvement, followed me to the toilet etc. Ds3 is 2 and somewhere inbetween.

Have you tried the Bookbug Song and Rhyme library online? DS (3) loves going through this - some are in Scots or Gaelic but if you don't speak those you can filter them out. Good for both entertaining while sitting down/looking after baby or times when you can get up and dance too. Or if you all get to know the songs they can be a lifesaver for during tantrums or when they're bored wherever you are!