17mo doesn't sleep, help!

[GKite]

My dd has been an awful sleeper from birth but it's getting beyond a joke now.
I'm due dc3 in a matter of days so probably not the best time to be tackling this but I'm absolutely exhausted.
I've been trying to put her to bed since half 6, she will just scream and scream and scream. Eventually I will take her down stairs and she'll conk out on the couch but it means I get no sleep because the couch is so uncomfy.
I've tried CIO and controlled crying, nothing works. Once she starts crying she will not stop, unless taken downstairs. Which I cannot be doing with a newborn.
Wtf am I supposed to do?!

what time does your dd wake and nap at - how long is nap?

Depends on the kind of night we have, usually its around 6am-half six
Ten minute nap around 11

if only taking a 10min nap at around 11 sounds like shes overtired and this will cause a nightmare for sleep time.
think you need to work on getting that nap longer.

what about pushing the nap a little later, rather than 11 try 11.30 and keep pushing it out. ideally if you want a half 6 bed time you want her nap to be ending around 2.00ish and last for around 1.5hrs at least at this age.

where does she nap? is it in bed, darkened room etc or out and about?

i know your due anyday now and most likely exhauted but i'd rip the plaster off and get stuck in with trying to solve this sleep issue now.
will your partner be taking time off when baby arrives that they can help out?

The nap is the hardest because if we are out (which 5 days out of 7 we usually are) then she will only nap that amount of time in the pram, in the house she just won't. Or if on some miracle she does fall asleep (usually on the couch) my oldest will wake her.
She eventually fell asleep at half ten, slept for two hours and we've been downstairs since.
Yeah my partner will be having time off but he is just as knackered

Oh that's not good. While he's off and I know he will be exhausted too I'd really recommend getting stuck in and powering through to try resolve it.. When I was doing it I had to stay at home for a few days until her need for sleep shifted. Even now when we go out over nap time she rarely sleeps that long.

When my lo wakes in the night I never take her out the room I sit in the dark with her, usually holding and cuddling her. I know it's not ideal but it does work after a night or two.
The night waking and rubbish sleep will probably be down to over tiredness, once nap time is sorted you will find bedtime/overnight get better. It's hard and daunting but if possible tackle that nap, get a good bedtime and nap time routine in place it will help. But consistency is key here. Good luck

I hope this is not stating the obvious, but she is basically holding out until she gets what she wants (to sleep downstairs). She has learnt if she cries long enough you will take her down. As hard as it is, you need to refuse to take her downstairs once she is in bed, otherwise you might as well just take her straight down at bedtime. I agree the naps are not helping, but that is not easy either! Is there any way she sleeps better e.g. in the car, with you?

I would suggest committing to being at home late morning for a few days (if the new baby allows!) and be consistent and persistent re nap time.

Read up on cortisol and melatonin re baby sleep. This made me determined to ensure DD has a good lunchtime nap and goes to bed at 7. A GP said to me early on that 10 consecutive days of being consistent about naptime would get my non-napping DD to sleep and she was right!

I know she is waiting until one off us takes her down but trust me when I say, I've physically sat beside her cot for 3/4 hrs and she will just scream, she doesn't want held either, there is absolutely no alternative. So usually once it's obvious that she won't go back down, either me or my partner will just take her down stairs so that the other can sleep.
It's hard to be at home atm as I'm having 4 different appointments at the hospital so usually do leave about 11.15 to get there in time, if I'm not at the hospital then I've got a bored toddler who is gagging to get out so we leave the house for 11, if we really don't go out, she won't nap until 3ish or in some cases just doesn't nap at all

Hun I really feel for you. Everything sounds so tough just now. Im heavily pregnant myself with a teething 17 month old. My situation isn't as tough as yours and I'm suffering so bad with fatigue.

I remember last year posting a thread on a forum about my lo's horrific sleep and people commented and I read it all thinking that won't work because of x, y, z or just simply I'm too exhausted now to even consider that a good idea to try. Think I was hoping someone would say if you look behind the right ear you will find a freckle, tap it twice and sleep will arrive. 😂

I think given what's going on just now, very heavily pregnant, lot of hospital appointments and your older toddler to consider I think maybe do what needs doing for now once baby is here and your all settled and you have a more energy and are ready to get stuck in. You sound like a super mum battling on with this. Try get some rest

Och I know it is probably too late to be asking for help, just last night was a hard night to get her to sleep and I couldn't stop crying and getting myself worked up.
I feel like we've tried everything (admittedly not tried to push her nap longer) but it's so hard to tire her out, she does a fair amount of walking for her age and it still doesn't help. There's a soft play 5 mins away so that's handy but honestly doesn't help. She's still in our room and I'm dreading her waking the baby, especially as I'm having a c section so won't be able to do much.
We've no family to help either so once I'm home with the baby it's pretty much gonna be full on 😖😖😖 x thank you though

It's so hard and frustrating when they don't sleep. My heart goes out to you. Just a few weeks ago I was sat in tears trying to get mines to sleep, I was so sore and tired and I swear she was doing on purpose to wind me up.
Hopefully for first few weeks until you regain your strength baby sleeps through her noise.

I do think lengthen the nap will help. When they get overtired they build up cortisol which is a bit like adrenaline. So because she's so over tired by bedtime she's wired and it makes getting to and staying a sleep so hard for her.
Maybe as a short term fix/ease it a bit for you try a second nap in the day. Not ideal I know because you will need to work on dropping at some point but if she takes another nap around 4ish it might just take the edge off the tiredness and she then sleep marginally better at night.