Whats it like starting again with a new baby when you have an older child?

[thatlldopig1]

For various reasons we haven't had another child and ds is 6. Life is easy now and we have our life back , no money worries, ds is settled at school and all is well...

For some bizarre reason I am contemplating trying for another child but I can't imagine loving back to baby days with a 6 yo. Anyone done this? What is it like? And how did your older child react?

I'm sort of doing this right now! My DD is younger (4) than your DS, and we were settled and happy... and then DS came along! He's 3 weeks now and going through a fussy stage, but when he's happy then it feels like he's just sort of slotted into place. It's harder at the moment because it's the holidays (he was born during DD's last week of preschool), but I imagine when DD starts school in Sept it'll be easier in some ways...

It's not always easy but DD adores him completely and we're all so glad he's here. She can't wait for when he can play - or at least smile at her!

Its bloody hard. My 3 year age gap showed me how demanding my first really is. It didn't feel like it until my time was halved. Time alone with either of them is lovely. Maybe this will get easier over time.

I can't speak from my personal experience (2 ds 3 and 1) BUT my elder sister was 13, I was 11 and my younger sister 8 when my little brother came along (19 yrs ago, he was a "little suprise" apparently!! Haha)

I know that my mum really struggled with it when we were all younger, she still now talks about how hard it was at home after being used to us being more self sufficient, how now her life would be very different because we're all grown up with families and my brother is still at home which has altered I suppose her and my dads relationship, but she arguably has the closest bond with my brother and they get on in a way that neither my sisters or I ever did and even do now. She wouldn't change anything but often tells us how difficult it was, BUT there were already 3 of us and she was in her 40s at the time!

Following as I'm also considering this but my boy is 14 🙈

My two children have 11years 10months between them. Wasn't through choice but can honestly say I have found it so much easier than if I had had them close together.

My son was old enough to know that babies/ toddlers take up a lot of time, plus he has his own life which helped.

We're still in the early days, but for us it's going well so far. I have three boys - 8, 6 and 4 weeks old. My older two absolutely adore their new brother - he gets so much affection from them, more than I ever imagined. In many ways I feel much more relaxed this time around. I found having a newborn and a toddler very hard work, so this age gap is a doddle compared to that!

Tiring if I am honest, but it will pass

Wondering this too my DS will be 2 months off being 5 when DS2 is born

I have 3. Eldest is 6, youngest is a baby. It’s fine. The eldest sores on the youngest and helps fetch nappies . Obviously the lack of sleep gets to you but that’s all so fleeting. Soon your youngest will be 6!

Dotes not sores!!

Five year age gap here. I found it great, my first was at school so I had lots of lovely one on one time with the baby. It can be a bit hard on my son as the baby needs a lot of attention and he gets upset as he’s used to having us all to himself. But we do lots of things for him so that helps. Things like bedtime are easier too as my son can just wait for me while I sort out the baby. I can’t imagine having a toddler around wanting my attention at the same time!
It was a bit of a shock starting again having got our life back but nowhere near as bad as I feared. It goes much quicker second time around as you really know the difficult phases are transient so makes it easier to cope with.

We have a 5 year age gap. Like most things there are pros and cons.

Pros:
Time with baby to do classes etc while older one at school.
Time to sleep while baby sleeps.
Older child more independent. Maybe less jealous (although our eldest was).
Appreciating the stages you’d left behind (baby snuggles, the funny things they say when they’re learning to talk).

Cons:
Different life stages, harder to find activities they’ll both enjoy.
Revisiting less enjoyable stage soon you’d left behind (sleepless nights, nappy changing, potty training!)

In the end, it is what it is. If you and your partner want another child it’ll be your family and it will work for you.

It is a big adjustment op. I have three kids one of 18 , a 12 year old and a 9 month old. The baby was born when I was 37 , the eldest when I was in my teens.

I see both good and bad in this , the positives are that I'm more experienced , calmer and more confident now. The older two are crazy about their baby brother and offer to help a lot which is great when you need a pee or a bite to eat.

What I do find tough is that they're all at different stages of life and it pickles my brain on a daily basis! The oldest is making his way in the world and needs support with job applications etc , the middle one is entering her teens and has just started secondary school and the baby is learning to crawl , sit and feed himself! Also with experience comes backache and getting tired much easier in general - my last pregnancy was tough on my body in comparison.

Good luck whatever you decide

We have a 6.5year age gap and honestly I've found it lovely. I have time with Ds2 while the older one is at school, and having ds1 to get around, to his mates, out and about etc has made the second much more sociable than the first. Yes it's tricky to find things they both like (other than star wars!) but we make sure the older one is given lots of solo time and attention. He's very loving and protective and helpful. I do miss my sleep though!

My ds was nearly 7 when dd was born (we were trying for years). I found it a lot easier than having 2 close together. ds was old was old enough to understand that I needed to look after the baby & he was happy to help with some bits. We did make sure that before dd was born we did not get ds too excited about how wonderful the new baby would be. We did warn him that babies can take up a lot of time, be quite loud and boring etc.
Being so far apart, there was never any jealousy about who got what or who was allowed to do what.
dd was very portable for the first few years, so I could continue to take ds to all his after school activities. Then by the time dd was starting after school activities, ds was getting more independent and could be left alone for short periods.

The worst part was doing the school playground for so many years, but we do have the advantage of only having one at uni at a time.

Our dd was 5 when our 2nd one was born. Honestly, it was like very little changed. The change from none to 1 was a shock, but except for me being on maternity leave and taking a baby with me everywhere I go, there’s been very little change. It hasn’t felt like starting over again at all. I think the age gap made a huge difference and especially because of the advantage of our older one being in school. But also our 2nd has just been naturally easier. It really has been a breeze. I was worried too, but it was all much easier than I expected.

Through choice we had an 8 year gap between our 2. I love it and can't think of anything worse for myself to have a small gap.

Brilliantly as they adore the baby

9 year gap.
Totally fine and much easier than I expected. Of course there are pros and cons most of which have been pointed out but you can never predict how your own situation will flow.
If you want it then there's nothing stopping you.

My eldest son has just turned 5 and my daughter is 4.5months old. It's a really good gap for us. Son was at school when she was born so I get the day with her. I'm on mat leave so get more time with my son as he's not in school clubs anymore (time being anyway).

They adore each other. She smiles and babbles to him all the time and loves to watch him play. I can put her bouncer chair Infront of him and he'll happily play and talk to her about what he's doing and she'll watch happily. He gets an audience and she gets entertainment while I chill with a cuppa! Well for a bit anyway!

He's at a great age where he can help and he will get things for me when I ask.

It is still hard in parts when they both want my attention at the same time and my son is learning about patience, and he's old enough to understand why he has to wait for something. But he's already her little protector so I hope it stays this way

I agree with paintbysticker. Lots of positives and they get on really well lots of dedicated time for the baby. However as they get older, they both demand me to play but their interests are so different they only rarely play together. We are considering a 3rd and would go for a 5 ish year gap again though. Overall I really like it

All mainly positive so far!!! Dh thinks I am remembering everything with rose tinted specs and says they won't be close due to age gap😩

Almost 5 year age gap here. It was bloody hard. I definitely remembered everything through rose tinted glasses. It was relentless and I missed having time with my eldest. It really hurt and I missed our bond. Youngest is two and other one is seven and its only just getting easier. I still look forward to the days when they are both as easy as he was. There will definitely be no more for me.

Thanks hopskip for your honesty!

My ds looks at babies with disdain so can't think he would adjust to well to not being centre of attention and having a ( more) stressed out mummy

But ..... I kind of wanna! Aah!

I have some more questions if you lovely ladies don't mind

Bearing In mind if we dont go for it ds will remain our only which is fine for him and us but ...

Has it got easier as they've got older?

Do you feel like you've have had two only children or do they get on/ play together a bit?

What's the best bit about it?

Thanks