Parents of 2 or more, does it ever get easier?!

[tuckingfypo]

I'm having a horrible day today and was just hoping to have a rant!

I have 2 DDs, first is 4 and the second is 5mo. DD1 is 90% lovely, helps with her sister, plays with herself, does as she's told, she is my joy.

DD2 has a smile that lights up the world, but she is just like DD1 as a baby, only WORSE.

Won't sleep unless swaddled, won't ever take a bottle despite us trying many different makes, never happy in the pram and rarely falls asleep in the pram (this makes going out anywhere a nightmare!), we bought a sling and every time I have her in it she cries.

Today I'm just finding it so HARD. DD1 asked to go to the park and I thought it would be nice to go for coffee and share a slice of cake afterwards. DD2 had a good nap and feed before we left, I took her pram but carried her in the sling. She lasted 5 minutes before screaming. I couldn't listen to her crying right in my ear so put her in the pram. And she screamed the whole way to the park, I had to stop at a bus stop to call DP at work as I was on the verge of breaking down in tears.

We get to the park and I had to swaddle DD2 and feed her to sleep which took ages, before I could finally give DD1 some attention. We had a nice time playing but on our way to the cafe DD1 starts to say her tummy hurts. She ended up being sick so we had to turn around and go home. Thought I was managing well keeping it together getting ill child and unhappy baby (who woke on the walk home and cried because she couldn't be picked up), we all snuggled up in bed, armed with water and a sick bowl. Was feeding the baby when DD1 suddenly declared that she was going to be sick. Instead of sitting up and vomiting in the bowl she stayed lying down and puked all over me, herself and the bed.

Sorry, none of that was really relevant, it just feels like it's yet another thing that's going wrong.

I suppose I just didn't imagine life with 2 would be quite so difficult. I could put it down to a bad day but it feels like everyday is like this. Unless we stay at home so DD2 can nap easily and I don't have to worry about her screaming.

I feel jealous of everyone else I know who has a baby, because they all have babies who are now sleeping through the night, taking bottles, they fall asleep in their pram/car seat (these babies are all the precious first borns so I can only hope their second babies are not so compliant!)

Please tell me when it gets easier?! I feel so overwhelmed

It absolutely gets easier, OP.

I had screamy babies too. Grim.

One day, I put the toddler down for a nap, and went to feed the baby. About 20 minutes later, as baby was finishing and about to sleep, the toddler appeared at the stairgate at the top of the stairs absolutely covered in blood on face and hands. It was like a scene from Carrie.

There'd been a nosebleed. Toddler had only appeared when they'd decorated the wall by their bed with a lovely finger painting session...

Now I look back and laugh. You will one day too, I promise.

Yes, in a fashion. At this age it’s basically about constant wiping and crowd control. Eventually they’ll entertain each other. At 4 and 7 my big two play together so nicely and my 1 year old joins in too.

But it’s a lot of heavy lifting with cleaning up all the time and wiping people or things and constant cooking.

But it gets better.

Thank you @NoSquirrels I bet seeing all that blood terrified you at first!

It's DD1 I feel really badly for, she is so used to seeing me sad or hearing me shout for stupid things, I don't want her to remember having a shouty mum! I just get so frustrated at my baby, it feels like she's deliberately trying to make my life hard (of course she's not, she's 5 months old!!)

Yes it gets easier. 2 years between mine. 3 and 5 now. In the early days it was hard. I was 'lucky' in that my eldest was the nightmare colicky baby from hell. Youngest was always going to be easier in comparison.

Oh yeah - it was terrifying, and then horrifying, and then just another shitty task to clean up and extended an exhausting day. But now it's funny.

Babies can be assholes. It's a good job they're so bloody cute and do the gummy smiling and squishy cuddling and delightful squealing as well as the wailing and thrashing!

@NoSquirrels that's exactly it! I can be so annoyed with her, e.g. When she has woken up for the 3rd time during the night and I KNOW she's not hungry, but she won't settle for anything but boob. And then she sees me and does the gummy smile and I have to tell her off for being cute, because doesn't she know she's in the bad books?!

I'm glad it does get better, DD1 was 4.5 months when she got easier (because we put her in her own room and she started sleeping through!) and things were blissful until she turned 18 months (she was then temporarily replaced with the Devil, we survived that!)

@Fatted I keep trying to remind myself that my baby could be worse, my nieces had colic and seemed to pick up every illness going and were just miserable babies! I don't know how their mum coped!

But from experience, we'll hit the terrible twos early and they'll hit hard

@Fishywishyhead I'm glad you said your 7yo and 4yo play nicely together, one of my concerns is that with 4 years between them they might not both want to play the same thing. But DD1 plays really well with her younger cousin so fingers crossed in a year she'll be the same with her sister!

Much easier. Generally when they're over 2.

Even now there's still something! The other day I'd just got DS both bathed. I jumped in the shower and hear all this screaming. No response when I shout so I had to jump soaking wet conditioner still in my hair. Got into their room to find them both in DS2 bed, DS1 projectile vomiting all over the place. This was about an hour before I had to leave for work as well.

I had a 5 yr old, 3 yr old and newborn and lived to tell the tale . There are days like the one you've had when you just need to go to bed and start over tomorrow! When they are tiny the lack of control and randomness can be so wonderful and exhausting and infuriating! Just do the best you can, stick a movie on for DD1 and relax with the baby.

Have you tried a baby rocker, an automatic swing that rocks? Maybe dd2 would hate it but my 2nd loved it and would fall asleep in it just giving me the occasional time when I wasn't holding her constantly. It got noticeably much easier once the youngest is about 3 as they can express themselves really well and are able to wait their turn and have more of a concept of time (2 yr olds are still babies in my experience). It just becomes easier and easier. I now have a 17 yr old, 15 yr old and 12 yr old. The 15 yr old just brought me scrambled eggs and toast plus tea in bed! So it definitely gets better!!

I feel for you, OP! It feels so much harder with two. Do you have much support?

I get it. I've got DD (4) and DS (3 weeks). DD was a nightmare baby - reflux and CMPA which they refused to diagnose until I broke down crying to the HV! - and I can see DS developing the same symptoms already. It's so hard. I was dreading DD starting school in Sept (she's an angel for the most part...), and now I'm guiltily looking forward to only having one to deal with.

Is your DD1 starting in September? The summer holidays are dragging already here!

It does get better OP I promise.

I can remember sitting on the sofa crying because the baby just seemed to hate life, and my son came and put his arms round me and told me "I love you Mum, it will be ok"

I felt like an utter failure.

Baby is now 3, and life is pretty good. Have faith, it will pass I promise.

It absolutely gets easier. I had screamy babies (all 3 of them) that I could not take anywhere. I was always jealous of other mums in coffee shops whilst their baby slept or at baby groups with placid babies who were happy to take everything in and stay calm.
My 5 & 4 year old are a dream to take out now, and it’s actually an enjoyable experience rather than stressful.

The days are long, but the years are short.

Also - everyone fed, no one dead.

Those got me through the worst days!

Here's to a peaceful night for you, OP, and an easier day tomorrow.

@Movablefeast I pray my DDs grow up to be like your children, breakfast in bed would be the life of luxury

Thank you all, I feel so much better already! I think I just need to try and deal with the baby crying better. Sometimes I can handle it and then other times I turn into a raging madwoman

tuckingfypo once they’re old enough to safely make you a cup of tea you feel all those late night feeds were worth it! My kids are American but I have brainwashed them so they all drink PG Tips.

There's 4 years between DD1 and DD2 and 5 between DD1 and DS.
DD1 plays with DD2 loads now shes nearly 2, and DS is a clingy baby but he's 9 months now and it's easier, just lower your expectations of yourself a bit.

When DD2 was born she spent over half of the first 6 months in hospital, so I barely saw DD1 for ages and we recently talked about the time in hospital and DD1 was chatting about the doctors and the incubator and beepy machine in an interested way rather than remembering the stress which she must have picked up on from us at the time/me not being around much for that time. They're so young they won't remember much of the day to day things, and the positives of a sibling outweighs this temporary amount of time where its not so easy to do fun things.