Struggling... in need of words of wisdom ;(

[AriannaBlack]

Hello everyone.
I am 23 year old Mum of a two year old LB and 7 month old twin girls and finding things really difficult.

I’m trying to fight depression and social anxiety and parenting full time.
I’m really struggling to have patience with my LB who is very clever and full of curiosity to the point where he asks questions every minute of the day.

I feel i can’t meet his needs for constant attention and stimulation as well as provide the constant care the girls need too.

I just feel like I’m letting everyone down and not being the parent i want to be.
My partner works full time and end more than I do so we can’t really swap roles.

I’m just burnt it and drained all the time and have little fuse or patience left.

I just don’t know where else to turn, i take 150mg of setraline, I attend play groups as much as possible, I’ve tried CBT and mental health groups,I’m currently on a waiting list to do therapy again...
I have an excellent homestart volunteer who comes to help me two hours a week as I don’t gave any family support... I have a friends who I try meet with once a week but they have young children too so it can often end up really stressful.

I’m trying to remain positive and lower my expectations of how much I can do but I just want to be able to enjoy my life and my kids now.

I feel awful, I have lovely children that I’ve always wanted so why do I struggle so much, I should just be A

I should just be happy*

It really just sounds like you need a proper break, could your partner take some time off so you could have a rest, a weekend away with friends (no kids) or a holiday together? Or could you put them in nursery for a day in the week to give you a break. 2yr old and 7 month twins just sounds exhausting.

Oh OP, this sounds SO tough. It would be incredibly tough even without the MH problems you're facing.

I'm mildly bipolar and I do get the whole 'I just want to be able to enjoy life and be the perfect Mum because I'm letting everyone down'. But I think you need to be MUCH kinder to yourself - you are facing big challenges and absolutely no-one could be (or, indeed, is) perfect in this scenario.

The most important thing for me has been to accept that I can't be a great parent round the clock when things are tough, so it's much more important to give myself a break so that I can parent well the rest of the time - I've had to accept that sometimes I need to park the kids in front of a screen more often than I'd like because once I've slept or had a break then I am much more patient and capable. Is that an option for the older one? Or would your finances allow for some childcare until you get your free hours?

But please, please, just be kinder to yourself. This is how things are and it's no good beating yourself up because you think you ought to be happier - having young children is often really hard anyway and on top of that you have MH challenges you can't do anything about. It's sounds to me like you're a great parent in a tough situation

I would love that but my partner is struggling himself, we would benefit from a couple of hours all week to ourself but it’s eeally difficult as our family just aren’t there in that way... my LB is starting 1 day a week in nursery in September so hopefully that will be a break of sorts as I’ll just have the girls then xx

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's tough having kids. Nobody teaches you how to deal with it. I have a 14 month LB and I love him to pieces but he struggles to listen sometimes and plays up. I try not to get stressed but it's bloody hard! I also have mental health issues and totally get what you are saying. I tried CBT, meds and therapy. I wanted a child and I feel crap that I am not perfect but who is? You are doing amazing 😊