Secret Eating

[Linmum]

My 8 year old daughter has started eating treats secretly. It started last year when I found a heap of lolly wrappers in her room. She had been secretly eating all the lollies from 2 parties she'd been to.
Then she started bringing home lolly and other wrappers from a friend at school that brings them every day and likes to share them. At first she said she was just bringing home the wrappers to recycle, but later admitted she was eating lollies.
Last week I found that a jar of licorice lollies from the pantry was empty. When I asked her about it, she cried and cried and kept apologising. She said she can't stop eating them. I told her that's ok, some people can't control their eating if they know treats are around and to just be honest about it and we would put things where she can't reach them and doesn't know where they are. Then let her have some occasionally.
Today she offered us all a medjool date, then took 2 extras for herself and hid them in her pocket. She then went into another room and ate them. When I asked her about it she denied it. Then when pushed, admitted it and cried.

I know dates are fairly healthy, but it's the attitude to food that worries me. And of course the lying. She has a problem where some of her adult teeth aren't strong, so I don't want her having too much sugary stuff, but I do let her have an occasional treat.
What do I do?

At 8 years old surely her access to food is pretty limited by what you buy and keep at home? I'd be wary of making it too big of an issue or she may start feeling compelled to hide things more and that brings even more shame and guilt around food.

Small pig outs at kids parties are pretty normal.

Would you normally ration the sweets from a party she’d been to? I don’t see how she can secretly eat something that’s hers?

Not sure why you use the term secretly eating party sweets - surely she just ate them? Unless you'd told her not to? Why on earth did you have a jar of lollies available to help herself to? If you don't want her eating sweets don't buy them!

This is me 20 years ago! Although my parents didn’t cotton on for a long time. The shame I felt even at 8 years old was immense and I needed support. Don’t know what to advise really as I still struggle to control myself. She probably doesn’t understand it any more than you do. For me, looking back, it was triggered after a period of stress (moving house 3x in a year).

I spose at 8 years old she doesn’t buy any food herself. My parents had a ‘sweetie box’ with choc bars etc in, we were allowed one a day after school but I always took more, so had access. I’d say they shouldn’t have had any in the house, but they’d say i should have been able to control myself. It’s a compulsion though! Hence the shame.

I think that there are issues here around calling food "treats" and having lots of these treats around that she isn't allowed to have. It sets these things up as high value desirable items, and makes them a focus when they don't need to be.

What was the jar of liquorice sweets for? Is it necessary to have a stash of sweets in the house? I'd be inclined to not have things like that around in any quantity and make it clear that what there is can be eaten but won't be replaced until the next shop. Only have in what you'd be happy for her to eat in that timeframe. Try not to refer to good/bad foods or to use sweet food/snacks as a reward or remove them as a punishment, if you currently do.