Hoping for a handhold please

[freshstart24]

I'm on holiday in France with DS (11), DH, and friends (including a lovely school friend of DS').

We are camping in tents.

Today DS almost fell off his bike, saved himself but in process hurt his big toe. He had crocks on but somehow Dan Alex the big toe anyway. By the time I got there there was a great deal of blood and I couldn't work out exactly what he'd done. DH carries him to the campsite and we elevated his leg.

DH isn't DS' dad. They are close but in this type of situation he understandably wants his mum. I came over very faint and could barely stand.

I wanted to work out exactly what DS had done to his toe. Most of the blood seemed to be coming from the base of his big toe nail. It didn't seem loose though and maybe he had somehow cut it along the base. I just couldn't stand up to help him. I could only hold his hand, keep breathing and then I threw up.

I'm so ashamed that I couldn't care for my own son when he was in such distress. DH and friends sprayed his toe with a lot of disinfectant spray and dressed it with pads and tape.

He has been sitting with it elevated all evening and has now gone to bed but it is really painful.

Every time I think I about it I feel sick and faint. I'm not usually queasy in this way. I know tomorrow I need to redress it and try to decide what to do but I don't know how I will do it. I can't even think about it without going hot and clammy and faint.

I'm also so gutted for him that he's hurt himself. We go home on Friday and it will be tricky for him if he can barely walk, bike ride or swim. Plus we have his lovely friend here who shouldn't miss out because DS is out of action.

I know none of this is critically important but I'm really struggling and don't know how to handle this odd injury especially as I can't seem to face it myself.

Oh my goodness OP. You're a real drama lama aren't you? What on earth has DP not being the bio dad got to do with anything?

FWIW, I cannot stand the sight of blood, am unable to have pierced ears, can't watch gory stuff in Holby or Casualty or anything else. I wish I wasn't like this but I'm OK with it. You and I are probably amongst the 50% or so of the population that feel exactly the same.

None of this is important at all - as you know. So he can't do a lot for a few days. So what? He's on holiday, he'll still have fun. Why does it matter if the friend has to alter his activities?

This is a real non-event. Your DS hurt his toe. No-one died, no-one even ended up in hospital. You felt sick and couldn't look at it. Have a huge glass of wine and give yourself a break.

Think that was more of a kick up the arse than a handhold Twitterqueen - but maybe that's what I need?!

Sorry that I sound so dramatic. I wish I hadn't ended up in such a state.

To clarify the reason that I mentioned that DH isn't DS' dad was because, rightly or wrongly, I feel like the primary parent and when DS is hurt or upset I feel it's me he wants and needs more than DH. They are close but not as close as I am to DS.

I wanted to make you feel 'normal' OP! There was a faint whiff of wallowing and self-pity in your post and a toe just isn't worth that! Also children pick up on these feelings so if you're going round acting as if the holiday is ruined - it will be. OTOH, if you turn looking for alternative activities into a puzzle or an opportunity or an adventure - it will be that instead.

It's OK to be rubbish at some things OP, don't beat yourself up about it. And tbh, maybe your DS would have prefer having your non-faint, non-clammy DH sort him out and redress it .

Thanks Twitter, I think I i was feeling sorry for myself and for DS and you're right about me needing to pull myself together. He hobbling round today with a walking stick, he's cross and fed up but hoping it will ease soon.

Off to attempt some crazy golf.