Experiences of having a third baby!

[Rorymum]

Hi all, we have two daughters 4 years apart..youngest is almost 1 now. It's been a whirlwind but Im not sure I'm ready to say no more children! What is it like adding a third child into the mix? We need all of the
really real honesty! Thank you in advance :-)

I wouldn't be without my 3rd - who was a boy, after 2 girls, so an extra 'bonus' (sorry if that is insensitive, or offends anyone) but honestly, I found it really, really hard.

The first year or two years in particular are pretty much a blur now, and I feel quite sad when I see his baby pictures. If I could choose a word to describe it, I would say 'overwhelmed'. I should add that he was a dream baby, fed (bf) a dream, slept and never cried... I dread to think what it would have felt like if he was an unsettled baby.
I felt huge guilt for my dds, and part of me still does.

I wouldn't change it for the world, but it was a massive shock to the system after 'only' having two.
Two were manageable.

It's a huge decision, and not to be taken lightly imo.

Also, (a positive)! I've never had trouble finding accommodation for 5 of us... hotels are always happy to provide an extra fold out bed, or we book houses/apts on holiday.
DS adapted very quickly to the hectic lifestyle of having 2 older sisters.... he had to

How old are you? If you've time on your side, I'd wait a few months or even a year before deciding

I think it would have been easy if I'd got one who slept... As it was dc3 didn't sleep for more than 2 hours in one stretch til he was nearly 3, no matter what I did. That was very hard to juggle with school runs as he'd often only just fallen asleep when I needed to get up to take the 6 and 4 year olds. Breastfeeding was both easier because I knew what I was doing and harder because I often had to interrupt his feeds before he naturally finished because older children have an externally imposed schedule of school/ sports/ play arrangements you've set with other parents and going with the flow is harder.

Now he's older (dc3 is 7) it's easy because you're less phased by things with a 3rd child, but I sometimes wonder whether I don't parent him as well as I did the older 2 at the same ages as I have less time.

I deliberately wanted to SAH with each child til age 3 so dc3 obviously set my return to work back with all the obvious knock on effects.

Dc3 is totally different to dc1 and 2 (not due to sex as we already had one of each, just an utterly different personality) and I really thought I knew what I was doing parenting young children and dc1 and 2 were really easy, I thought 3 or 4 or 5 kids would be pretty easy. Dc3, partly but not only due to the years of not sleeping, has been quite different to parent and reminded me that what works for 1, or 2 children might not for another, at all.

The kids get on really well together and don't fight beyond a little bit of bickering. Dc3 is incredibly amusing and a really unique character, he's a wonderful little person and incredibly lovable.

I'm glad I have all 3 and families of 4 seem a bit vanilla, I like the buzz of the 3 of them in the house (or often 6+ kids as they often have friends over). It is a lot to juggle though. A 3rd isn't less of a change than a second imo, I believed that old chestnut before having dc3 but it didn't hold true for us because of sleep deprivation among other things.

We stuck at two, but I have many friends who have 3 or 4 children. One close friend said the leap to having 3 was massive, due to the following reasons, needing a bigger car to accommodate car seats, family meals usually serve 4, family days out, tiredness, expensive etc.

To be honest, the reasons mentioned would not have put me off having a third, but DS2 was an extremely difficult baby, so no way would I have risked putting myself through that again. If he had been my first son, he would have been my last! Probably just as well as I was unexpectedly dx with Multiple Sclerosis at 40.

If you really want a third, go for it OP, life is too short for regrets.

I’ve found it pretty easy. I had a small age gap between 1 and 2 and I found that really really hard. I then had a 3.5 year age gap between 2 and 3 and it’s been so much easier because the older ones are capable of dressing themselves and being left in one room while I’m in another for a short while. I also think the fact that my life was already a chaotic mess meant that introducing a third child made no real difference!

Thank you all. I really appreciate your comments. Quite a few of my worries have been mentioned on here and you've helped me to keep things in perspective :-)

We had everything set up for 3 - house, car etc. but I can imagine this being a factor for some.
Yes, overwhelmed pretty much describes it - my eldest is at secondary school so virtually independent but still has demands/needs and I did find the leap from 2 to 3 huge (DC3 still a baby). Trying to give them all attention feels like a constant juggling act (we don't have any extended family) and my husband and I don't seem to have time as a couple or much time for ourselves. There is no way I would be without dc3 now they are here, I love them beyond belief but it has had a greater impact that I imagined. Having a sizeable gap between each child has helped in some ways but it has also meant going back again -there are always pros and cons to everything. I imagine them all together as the younger dc grow older and catch dc1 up, hoping they will be good friends for one another.

I have three ds. 10, 7, 3 months.

10 yr old was easy baby, 7yr old was a difficult baby. 3 month old is so far, my easiest.
He has just slotted right in. Though not sure if have wanted him any sooner than this. Pregnancy was rough, but I'm older than I was with my older dc. Birth was easiest and very fast, no tears.
So far, no negatives at all and no difficulties.

Mine are 4, 2 and baby.
Easier than one toddler and a baby. Total joy!

3rd one slotted right in, and has been the one I've enjoyed parenting the most, I think. I've been much more relaxed with her. Far less angst over things that you learn don't matter in the longer term. You've already got all the stuff, you already know all the places, you will get sibling places at school, but mostly, you don't sweat the small stuff.

I’m still trying to recover, 5 years on.

Dc3 was the worst sleeper in all of history so that has coloured the first year early days for me.

I did have a big gap though (dd1 & 2 were 8 & 5) so at least I didn't have bigger car/car seat expense to worry about. We did end up moving house though for more space so I suppose that was a pretty big expense!

It felt like massive jump going from 2 to 3, I have a scrambled brain almost permanently, it's hard to please 3 kids of very different ages and my stomach muscles are wrecked, ha! But we all adore the youngest and wouldn't have it any other way.

I have 3 boys, the youngest with an age gap of nearly 4 years from the second boy. The first two were great sleepers from 6 weeks. He was an erratic sleeper for the first 4 years. I’m really glad that I had a third child, in fact looking back now I wish that I’d had a fourth.

I sometimes joke that having a third tipped me over the edge - definitely for a bit! For some reason (I'm still trying to work out why...!) I didn't feel "done" after No 2. No 3 is delightful and the easiest by far but I've got 3/3.5 years between them and they never really want to do the same thing : No 1 & 3 are the same gender but years apart; No 2 is closer to them both but very different to them all. Mine don't get on all that well most of the time and I feel we are juggling massively and dropping lots of balls - and this is a good 7 years in. BUT of course, they are all lovely and I couldn't imagine not having any of them.

I think everyone has their own point at which anoher one just fits in or makes a huge difference so there's no specific formula - friends have found the 3rd easy but the 4th hard. Three is more than enough for me!

We had our third after a 5 year gap and she is the light of the family it has brought out lovely qualities in her older siblings - they re not 'on lies' anymore and they are both considerate and great at sharing and kindness
It s been a lot of work for us at parents- work to reassure the older two they were individually wonderful and our middler was quite discombobulated for a while when the baby arrived :) all good now. It s defiantly brough a range of qualities and kind dynamics that simply weren't and wouldn't have been there with just 2 children. Life is busy but happy and manageable. And I feel like the question I was sliding around for so long had been answered and we are done now.
It s not overly expensive as we had all the baby gear and hand me down baby clothes, the car fits the car seats and two share a room. If you re questioning it go for it.
What made the decision for me was when my uncle died young (40ies) and his wife and her 4 children were following behind the coffin, I realised I couldn't leave two children to only have each other if anything happened dh and I, that they meeded another sibling to carry the load.
(This is all my whacky reasoning by the way and what worked for our family - not a judgement or prescription for any one else's family)

My second is 2m , Ds1 is 3. We will definitely have a 3rd and maybe a fourth. House will be fine, when we buy a second car it will be a 7 seater so we don’t need another one for either the move to 3 or 4. I am sure it will be very difficult, there will prob be an approx 2.5 yr gap so Ds1 will be at school = regular morning wake ups. It would be hard for a baby to be a worse sleeper than our first two...