Change in behaviour after stage fright

[TheOwlandMe]

At his graduation my LO was distressed. No tears by still didn’t join in and very stressed looking. I ended up taking LO off the stage. Held them hoping to get them to join in but we ended up leaving the hall. His key worked brought his certificate out to us later. Obviously we said he’d done brilliantly and not to worry as he kept mentioning lots of people looking and I know he as upset with himself. Since then his behaviour has been awful. Lots of hitting shouting screaming general defiance. Calling out for me at bedtime. Mainly out of character. I know it’s linked back to the stage fright. Just back from few days away where his behaviour was improving towards the end and when we got home he saw his certificate on our fridge and said he didn’t want it up and to put it in the bin.

So how to we overcome this. I feel it’s really shaken him. He’s due to start school soon and was previously confident and looking forward to it.

Nursery graduation? I knew I didn't like the idea of them.

First remove the certificate, put it away somewhere..
Then do lots of fun, nurturing stuff.

If behaviour reverts to normal then don't mention school until a few days before he is due to start.
If behaviour continues try to get him to talk about how he is feeling?

Either way loads of reassurance.

That's what I would try anyway. It's what my 13yo needs at times.

Yes sorry nursery graduation sorry I should have been clearer. I don’t j ow why they need them either

Good point about certificate. I was thinking keep it up as proud of him doing his nursery and doing well. Thought if took down it would look like we were upset with him. He had talked about once after the certificate episode. Just said too many people I just explained there were a lot and I wouldn’t have liked to be on stage either and he did really well during his time at nursery. I could cry for him. Also annoyed at nursery for putting him right at front. He joins in in nursery fine but isn’t a fan of centre of attention type things.

You could also maybe play at performing over the summer holiday (obviously don't tell him why). Make up little plays for grandparents with his teddies so he can have a positive performing experience to draw on without realising it.

I am a music teacher and spend quite a bit of time coaching kids through performance nerves etc and a negative experience like this can take a while to recover from. So exactly what Teentimetwo suggested lots of nurturing.

Dd didn’t fair well in hers.

I remember thinking how intimidating it must be.

It’s a gimmic I’m not to impressed with

I agree it’s gimmicky for the patents benefit. The children would have much preferred a little party like they had at Christmas.

Ok do nurturing and fun. I’ll give t a go.

Billybagpuss good idea re performances for grandparents etc for a positive experience. I myself hate being on stage speaking to groups etc and it’s still an issue as an adult and causes problems in my career. I really wanted to avoid that for my children and I am so gutted he’s had such a negative experience.

Not sure whether this is relevant at this age, but I've always explained to DD2 (the 13yo above) that at assemblies, plays etc, the audience aren't looking at her. Everyone there is either looking at their own child (3rd sheep on the right) or the leads. The only people looking at her are us. Then additionally, even if people do notice her, they are all wanting to think the best and for everyone to feel good. It isn't an audience full of theatre critics!
She has gone from terrified and stressed (nursery Christmas carols) to a happy chorus person in Secondary school musicals.

Also, next time he has to perform, probably Christmas nativity, I know its difficult but try not to let him know that being on stage would worry you too. they really do react to that.

I read almost half of your OP thinking you were writing about a 21 yr old!
Nursery graduation? Ffs

Owl, just a couple of tips for you too (if thats ok)

Next time you have to do it, most important thing is the breathing, practise plenty beforehand with this singing exercise. Take a deep breath in and then breath out very slowly and evenly using a shhh sound aim for about 15 seconds to start with then try for a bit longer. The breath out is what helps to calm you down and get rid of that nasty tightness in your chest.

Also to help with that horrid shaky feeling, its your body producing adrenaline to help you through the experience which causes a drop in blood sugar. So a banana or a biscuit half an hour beforehand will help to control that.

Thanks for the tips Billy. I really try to hide my own issues and never me mentioned to him but when he said so many people I did say I’d have found it scary too. Wrong approach as he might worry more next time knowing I also don’t like it. Was trying to show him I understood. Oh well. Oddly enough he did fine for his nativity. Did his action part fine and I could hear him singing for. He was at the back though so think he felt more comfortable.

Teen thanks for your input too. Really helpful to know I’m thinking along right tracks as I said similar to him when he said he didn’t want to do it that it would be just us looking at him etc etc.

Thats interesting, so absolutely fine when it came to acting a part or group singing just didn't like standing on stage for some bizarre graduation ceremony.