No one can truly can prepare you for motherhood

[Mamabear141]

I become a mum 5 months ago to my little boy, he is truly beautiful and I love him with all my heart. I felt as though I had this very rosey idea in my head of what motherhood would be, thanks to the way it is portrayed on most platforms and by most people, all cuddles kisses, playing together and that being his mum I would just know how to soothe him. This isn't my first time with babies, I have lots of nephews and nieces and have look after countless babies and children in the past as I have worked in both nurseries and preschools. But there is nothing quite like having your own baby to shatter your that illusion, I am finding it so difficult at how much my life has changed so quickly, and it doesn't help that I feel like a completely different person now. I'm not sure if that's just what just the way you feel after become a mum or if I have some sort of post natal depression
Has anyone else felt like this?
Kind of overwhelmed by having a little one and as though they lost their identity all at the same time?

Hi, I think it's a big shock to the system how much your life changes and people don't talk about it that much. Do you have much support? Do you get an hour to yourself occasionally to do something just for you/something you did before your son was born? I always feel 'refreshed' if that makes sense if I have a bit of time to myself.

Just to add though, if you're feeling really down, do talk to someone like your health visitor. x

I think it is the relentless nature of it. The fact that this is forever. The suddenly realisation that it is 3 in the morning and they are unwell and you just have to get on with it.

In the early days I think you lose your identity and you and your baby kind of merge into one being.

Social media or rather the lack of reality and honesty in society about what it is like to be a parent and the pressure is a lot to blame. I’m sure my Mum in the 80s had less pressure and stress about being a good parent and #making memories crap.

I felt similar when my dd was young and I do think as mentioned above it is a huge shock to the system and can take a while to adjust, we are all different but It got easier, or maybe not easier but I adjusted and it felt normal and I was handling things again.... after DD was 1 years old I really really enjoyed it and now 4 years on I have another newborn and I feel more relaxed now and I know it just passes by so quick.
If you can, get to some groups or an NCT class or something as it can help having other new mums to share your journey with. You will be ok, it’s ok to feel the way you do, if you are struggling then talk to your gp or hv but I think it’s quite normal to feel that way. You will be fine x

It’s adjusting to a new normal and that takes longer than 5 months. I was fortunate enough not to suffer with the any blues after my LO was born but I will say I didn’t feel truely back to me until c. 10months. Go easy on yourself

Oh that’s very normal op, ds is now 16 months and I am just beginning to feel like myself again. The first six months are the hardest by far and the whole first year i found tough with all of the growth spurts and developmental leaps not to mention adjusting to being a new Mum. The second year is much easier but has its own trials and tribulations as your baby reaches toddlerhood. The good news is you do get used to being a Mum and you end up not imagining ever going back. I can’t imagine life without ds and I wouldn’t want to. It definitely gets better

Thank you so much everyone! This has all really helped xx

It's so true. I had this vague notion of maternity leave - me happily staying at home instead of doing the morning commute, settling in for a cosy day with baby. I was usually watching daytime tv with above hot cup of coffee in these scenarios, while baby either breastfed, cuddled me, or patiently occupied himself while i decided what we would do together that day. In the same vein, trips to parents house would be montages of happiness.

Things are wonderful and the above does happen but with the relentless, exhausting, sonetimes stressful reality laid on top of the dream. It's funny, when you're pregnant people say things like "enjoy going to the toilet alone, enjoy a trip to the cinema or a lie in" and I'd sigh and wish they'd stop with the cliches but oh it's all so true. You cannot truly know until you're in the thick if it; the friendly warmings - to me - lost their power because you hear them so often. Plus, I of course was going to be different to everyone else

By the way DS is almost 10 months and I'm feeling much more like my old self, it's happened physically and mentally through a series of tiny changes over time x

I felt like that too and still do to some extent - mine are 6 and 3 now and I feel like a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-kids. Less carefree, but also more balanced and less black and white in thinking.

I also thought I was going to be different and still have fun and be the same person after having a baby

(And for me personally, I imagined I'd be able to leave my baby with others no problem, but I couldn't, not when they were tiny! So my first few years of having a baby were much more restricted than I'd imagined. Not a judgement on those that can leave their babies - as I said, that was my plan! I was surprised I couldn't bear to.)

I remember looking at my newborn and thinking 'Shit. What the hell?'. I too have always been around babies, I've got a massive extended family.

I dropped all pre-birth expectations, became a bit of a reclusive slob, and rearranged myself to suit this new always-alert baby who didn't sleep well and never wanted to be anywhere but held. I ditched my breastfeeding aspirations (he wouldn't latch but I pumped for a while), bought a cosleeper (OMG a life saver, I actually cried), and did other things I didn't imagine I'd do as a mother.

2.5 years on and omg I looooove being his mum. I'm even relishing my new identity. I've a rare week off and I'm reverting back to reclusive slob just so we can have some 1:1 cuddle time together. We've got some major challenges ahead (nursery, toilet training) but I know there is another end to the tunnel. He's a too damn confident, happy and bright little boy. I couldn't imagine my life without him, but I definitely had a few dark days (and a lot of darker nights) those early months. My DH and his mum were fab.

All the best OP, I would always say it's good to talk if you have something to say

I feel you. My DD is nearly 8 months and it's been such a shock. I like you had an image of my matt leave having had nieces and friends with babies etc and it just isn't like it! It's a good day if I make it through without crying.

My Dd doesn't nap in the car or pram for more than 30 minutes whilst will nap in the cot for 1.5 hours. Nights are hard... she usually wakes up crying after 45 minutes and is not and miss for the first part of the night... When she wakes up is also inconsistent and all this plays havoc with my need to be in control and have everything planned! Currently worrying she is autistic as isn't babbling or laughing or responding to her name... motherhood just feeds like going from one worry to the next. I thought it was all coffee meetings and sleeping after 6 months...

Just wanted to say you're not alone and hopefully we'll get out of it the other side with some sanity remaining!

I found it terribly hard and longed for my old life every single moment of every single day.

It just sort of evaporated at some point, but I'm not sure when.

I am a much happier person as a mother of older children.