Stressful going out with a baby

[lizzyttc2017]

I've just back from a shopping and lunch date with my mum and my 2 month old and honestly I feel like crying. She didn't settle at all and struggled to sleep in her push chair so just wondered and cried the whole way round, I also ate my lunch cold. Now don't get me wrong I'm not angry or upset with her at all, I felt sad for her that she couldn't settle and I did not want to be in any shop or restaurant I just wanted to be at home nursing and rocking her to sleep so she could feel better. Not every outing is this bad but I feel like going out is always just such a stress and not worth it but I can't just stay indoors forever. Does it get easier? I feel like such a bad mum putting her through this today and letting her get so overtired 😥 she's finally asleep in my arms and I just want to cry (4 hours sleep last night probably isn't helping)

*whimpered and cried

Ah love it sounds like you were both over tired. Your not a bad mum. I know what you mean though, I would love to stay at home forever but life happens.

Did you take her out in the car seat or the carrycot? My girl is also 2 months and she doesn't like being in her car seat, she can't stretch out. But loves her carrycot and often just falls asleep. I have a rattle type toy hanging which makes a lovely noise as I push the pram, she loves looking at it. I think this soothes her a lot. Also.....without being controversial......I use a dummy! But inevitably there is always going to be times when she just wants to cry xx

It is mega hot so I would have been at home with my new born. But I am bfb parent. There is nothing wrong with not going far with a little baby. Personally I would have done a quick bit of shopping or lunch with such a young baby as we would not have managed both.

Some babies are super chilled and are very portable and their parents are happy to be out and about. Others are not. Neither are wrong.

Some babies are really good at being portable, my ds who is 3 months is usually easy peasy in those situations and a pleasure to take out. My dd who is now 17 months WAS NOT. Absolute nightmare, wouldn't settle, fidget, cry, I never ate a hot meal with 2 hands.

Having said that though, I am currently hiding in my room whilst dh looks after dd and ds as I have lost the plot today looking after two babies simultaneously crying and being worked up from the unbearable heat. Today is not a good day 😭

Could you not nurse and rock her to sleep in the restaurant?

It sounds normal. Relaxing lunches and eating hot meals are out the window now. You'll get used to it. I preferred to stay at home most of the time tbh.

It's hot, you're both sleep deprived, the whole situation is new for you. Please don't stress - it does get better/easier, in time for some new thing to get harder, and then improve again, and so on. But over time you'll get a handle on what you can/can't do with her and when.

Leaving the house with a baby is a military style operation . It gets easier as they get older. You get more organised, baby can go longer without naps, changing etc. Give it time and be prepared to ask for food to be wrapped up and just bail out when it gets too much. Don't worry, everyone goes through it! We recently checked out of a hotel in the middle of the night and drove home due to a baby that would just not settle.

Sounds normal.

All sounds pretty normal op. My son was a nightmare to take anywhere before he turned 6 months. If we went out we had to feed him first and use the window between that and the next feed to pop out for shopping or appointments. We just stuck to popping out for a sandwich and coffee if out for lunch - something that we could take with us if he was unsettled.

It's easier now that he's bigger as he will eat with us and has become much more sociable and interested in his surroundings. Now that he's 8 months old and can sit in a high chair we can go to actual restaurants again at last

@troodiedoo I did nurse and rock her and she fell asleep for about 20 minutes.

We were ink out to 3 hours, not all day in the heat and we were mostly inside with AC. I've been keeping her indoors almost everyday with the heat. At home she is such a content girl. I guess I'll just avoid days out for a while 🤷🏼‍♀️

*only out for 3 hours

The truth yes its hell. And also it gets better and easier the older they get and the more practiced you become. Go easy on yourself dont try and do too much .
I used to come on these boards 5years ago saying the same things as you and these wise ladies told me this stage passes so quickly. I didnt believe them - now my ds starting school in September and i long for the days where he was a little baby x

It gets better and it gets worse- yes I'm not constantly panicked about the timing of feeds, taking my 12month old out- instead shes trying to wriggle free at every opportunity and started high pitch screaming.
Pros and cons!

I am an old gimmer but when my older DC where little we hardly ever went anywhere. There were no baby groups, at least not where I live. I didn't have a car, and couldn't bear the thought of dragging all the crap you need on and off a bus. And I didn't have any money anyway to spend in cafes or similar. The furthest I went was my mum's house, 5 minutes walk away, and even that was a palaver. It was pretty normal to be at home 90% of the time when you had a small baby, I think there might be more pressure now to get out and give your baby different experiences. It does get easier though, so hang in there.

You're not a bad parent at all but I understand how you feel! My 4 month old (8 weeks premature so 2 months 'corrected' age) hates his pram with a passion and wants to be carried all the time, it's too hot for that so I've been wheeling around a screaming baby when we've needed to go out! It does make you feel awful, but really he's fine - fed, changed etc. I have avoided going out too much in this heat but sometimes I really have to get out of the house for my own sanity. I'm holding onto the comments that it gets easier!

Where I live a few local cinemas do 'baby' showings which I have found brilliant - they keep the lights on low and it's really relaxed, and air conditioned! My baby seems to settle well with the background noise and if he cries it's OK cus the other babies do too.

Honestly I totally understand how you feel, I had a few early trips out where I felt really guilty but then I realised it was ME that was really stressed but the baby was fine, just doing what babies do!

This is such a cliched MN answer but - have you tried a sling? My DD hated being in the pram/buggy/carrycot/car seat, but was perfectly content in the sling. Buying an Ergobaby literally changed our lives.

Having said that though - you should do whatever feels right for you. I pushed myself too hard to get out and about early on and it was really stressful, as others have said, it's totally fine to stay home too! Or just do very local things so you can get home ASAP if it gets too much.

It does get better. I remember finding every outing difficult, trying to time nap and being awake with whatever the activity demanded (impossible).

I can't remember when it happens, but you find your groove.

I still look in admiration when I see people out with babies and not looking hideously stressed and flustered. It makes me wonder if I ever looked like that.

Second a sling.

@HotStickyTired yes she likes the sling/carrier we have however it has been to hot to have her wrapped up in it against my body in this heat unfortunately otherwise I'd be using it for every outing!

We'ce all been there, sounds like you were both overtired. Are you enjoying your calm time indoors? If so that's great, and enjoy it, maybe try some smaller morning outings to watch trees the park when it's cooler, or to a local friend or mum/baby activity so you will be in an easier place if she's unhappy.

I'm feeling nostalgic and wished I'd enjoyed more quiet days at home with my first baby, now I've got DD3 on the way and will be doing school runs from about day 3! Those early days are really hard but really special.

Slings are also great for babies who don't love buggies, do you have a carrier with a pocket like the old ergo or a lillebaby? I used to pop a little gel ice pack in there, it made a huge difference for the baby's comfort and sleep. Also frogg togg cooling towels are great.

It's so unpredictable all the time. You could go for lunch and baby might sleep for two hours, or they could simply scream. Totally luck of the draw. This is why we never ate anywhere fancy!

Mate it's so stressful having an unsettled baby. I've also got a 2 month old. I felt bad on my older two (6&3) so bit the bullet and took them all the park. The baby cried the whole time, the three year old wanted pushing on the swing the 6 year old tried to lift her in.... they both went arse over tit, while I was feeding the baby under a shady tree while (I felt) other mothers just gave me side eye for not helping the other 2 who were in tears. I'm going to put the paddling pool up tomorrow and invite people round.
Seriously though, it's very hot, babies don't like it and it will get easier (in my experience at around 12 weeks) 💐

Wait until they get older and they start running around the shop and having tantrums if they can't have the whole store stress is inevitable when there are children in tow unless you sedate them haven't tried that yet

Probably both just a little bit overtired. You did absolutely nothing wrong with taking her out for a bit. On this occasion she obviously didn't enjoy it so much, but that doesn't mean she won't like it next time. I would definitely not recommend keeping cooped up in the house with her all day every day, but that does mean however she may be upset at times.when you go our .I had my DS out and about in restaurant from a month old. They soon get used to it and you soon get used to how and when they like things. You are both learning each other's ways. You sound like a great mum and keep your sanity by persevering with little trips out in places with AC