Just wanted to whinge and complain really and ask if/when motherhood becomes easier :D writing this in desperation on a truly awful day.
I’m mother to a gorgeous 8month old girl, it’s so so hot atm and it feels like if anything I’m actually struggling more with life now then when she was a sleepless young baby!
She’s amazing so social smiley/sleeps through the night etc so I feel worse and more guilty for feeling so stressed. My dad was paralysed from the chest down following heart surgery when I was pregnant so I feel a lot of responsibility towards him and try to see him most days or at least talk on the phone.
The whole pregnancy I had hyperemesis and was just in a state of shock I think because of my dad’s health issues (he was in a coma for 7 days) then I had pain relief free labour for an hour and a half and nearly gave birth to DD in the hallway of the hospital as they wouldn’t let me into a room because when I arrived I was only 1cm dilated.
Then we had issues with milk supply/breast feeding in general. Despite all this we pulled through and I felt like I was actually doing well. If anything I was shocked at not feeling particularly depressed or anything.
Only recently it seems like I just feel constantly exhausted and it breaks my heart but sometimes I find my DD annoying. She doesn’t even mean to be but it’s the age now of insisting on snatching things and throwing them to the floor, screaming if I take things away, arching her back so I can’t strap her into her buggy or pram.
My mum has her two half days a week and I work in an office doing accounts on those two days. My husband works long hours with a long commute so I am pretty much the sole carer for our baby during the week.
Everyone keeps complimenting me on me being an amazing mum and I feel like a fraud :( I feel like I’m just sinking under the weight of everything and don’t know how to manage these feelings. Don’t get me wrong I have really good days too. Just sometimes It’s so so hard to handle the hard ones :(
I’m the first in my friendship group to have a baby and I tried going to various baby groups and classes but am so so shy that I always felt like a bit of an outsider.
I’m busy most days and it’s not so much my DD that’s the issue as she is for the most part a ridiculously cute and lovely baby. It just gets a bit much sometimes feeling lonely putting her to bed every night/dealing with her grumpy time 5-7 alone. I can’t even go to the gym/hand over to my husband/have an evening out with friends at night like some people are super fortunate to do as he gets home so late every night it would be pointless.
My in laws live in Germany and my dad can’t really care for her alone as he’s disabled and my mum works still and is remarried to someone who’s not particularly into children so feel like I don’t really have anyone else to ask for help or to just hand baby to for a couple of hours for some me time. The only time I get alone is when I’m at work 😂
Sorry for the super super long whine but just wanted to vent :( does anyone else feel overwhelmed too? :(