Time to loosen the reigns, and i'm dreading it!

[loopylou10]

My 9 year old son is becoming more and more persistent in his request for freedom. He see's kids cycling around our village clearly much younger than him and asks why i won't let him out. The thing is I worry. I worry that he's going to get hit by a car, I worry that he's going to get in with the wrong crowd, I worry that he could get abducted, and I worry that he's not streetwise enough. I don't reel off all my worries to him, as i don't want him to be fearful of going out, but the more persistent he is, the harder I'm finding it within myself to let go and i end up just saying "i'll think about it". I know my fears are probably irrational, but these things do happen. I'm juts interested to hear views of other parents t with other 9 year old boys. Are you finding it hard to let go?, or did you let go ages ago? if so how did you educate your child without making them fearful.

I do let my son out now around the cul-de-sac however he wants to be going off to other streets, and walking to the shop on his own.

We have two ten year olds.

We tend to set a boundary and then if they stick to it following all the rules then we extend it a bit further a little while later.

So the boundary might be distance or it might be time. The important thing is to let them see that they can build up to earning your trust.

Breaking the rules means the boundary privilege steps back or potentially gets removed altogether.

Work through which of your anxieties are realistic concerns and which are not. Work out what you can practically do to allay them (eg road safety course for your DS).

Do remember though that just because other parents allow something you don’t have to (some other parents are idiots )

I’m mother to a 9 year old who’s just started to get his first taste of freedom (allowed to walk to the park by himself).

If it helps:

• he crosses 1 road with a 20mph speed limit
• he has to go with at least one friend and takes his a cheap mobile phone (with stalker app!). If at any point he finds himself alone at the park he must call me immediately
• it’s a small village and we have friends whose houses adjoin the park whose doors he knows he can knock on in an emergency
• he will be 10 in a few months. No way in hell would he have been ready 9 months ago!

He started to express an interest in going out alone last summer, so we spent just over 12 months practicing things like crossing the road and running through various ‘what would you do’ scenarios. He’s a calm, mature and relatively unflappable child. I’m not convinced his sister will be ready at 9!

About half his primary school class are allowed out in one shape or form, so by no means all of them.

It’s been a bloody hard decision and I still hate him being out alone, but I think the actual risk is much lower than the perceived risk, plus he’s getting loads more exercise. I think so much depends on the child though. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Exactly! when i see kids of no older than about 6 riding around with no parents in sight, I do wonder if it's me being strict or the parents not really giving a s**t?. I think it's the latter!. saying that though, me and my best friend would go out on bikes rides in the 80's when we were 9, but my parents didn't have social media back then bombarding them with everything going on in the world, and what could happen to your child. Yet regardless of social media i do think times have changed. There are more cars on the road, more kids carrying knives and a rise in gang culture. I think i do need to adopt an approach whereby i let my son go a bit further each time, and gradually build it up. i want him to have more freedom, but he's still my baby and that's the hard part :(

Oh, and I will not let my son out on his bike and don’t intend to for the foreseeable future. Too many lorries trundling through our village, albeit slowly!

Please ignore all my typos. It’s late and I’m hot