Mum worries... what is normal?

[Syra]

This is a very general question really but I’m not really trying to start a debate on different parenting choices, more to get some feedback on how handle general mum guilt and worries!

I’m struggling with what is normal as a new mum in terms of my emotions. I’m not looking for a diagnosis as I really don’t think it’s PND. I love my daughter to the ends of the earth and everything about her life to come makes me excited, I do generally feel really happy with my life.

My problem is with my self confidence. I’m terrified of judgement and it’s doesn’t take much to make me feel vulnerable and anxious when it comes to my daughter. I question and worry about my parenting choices daily. I was always quite assured and self confident as an adult so I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

Is this just what comes with the territory as a new mum. Does everyone worry about everything all the time? Do I just get used to this new way of thinking and eventually I’ll chill out a bit! Or should I be talking to someone professionally to help me stop putting myself down and get some confidence back?

I’m finding it hard to answer without specifics, but generally I believe all new parents worry about being a new parent and being in charge of keeping a human alive.

I’ve successfully kept a child alive for 10 years. And it does get easier as they grow. If I felt unsure about something I would research it as much as possible then make a decision to continue what I’m doing or change it.

For example I was worried about my baby’s sleeping, she wanted to be held, everyone said not to. I didn’t like to hear her cry even though I knew she was fed, clean, dry etc... I did try controlled crying but found it too stressful. A lot of these parenting techniques are down to opinion, everyone is different.

Thank you for replying.. I know it’s a bit vague and general but that does help. I think it’s the fact that even with a the reasearch and resources out there it does come down to opinion and I just worry that people will judge me for mine. Which is silly I know.

They probably do, but as long as they don’t say it you don’t need to worry.
If you can’t arm yourself with information during a voiced judgement,just shrug and say ‘it’s what I’m comfortable with and im sticking with it until I feel it needs to change, but thank you for your suggestion’

Get yourself a copy of The unmumsy mum diary, it’s a hilarious collection of stories when mums haven’t got it perfect.

We are not perfect and even if someone seems like they are, they’re just hiding it well.

I don't have any advice but I just want to say that I'm in the same boat.

I always have horrific mum guilt and always worry that I'm not making the right choices - even over silly things.

If we have a day inside, I feel guilty that she's had no fresh air, yet if I take her on a long walk, I feel guilty that she's been in the pram and hasn't had much stimulation. 🙈

I think as new mums, we tend to be too hard on ourselves as we want to do everything right to ensure our children grow up to be well rounded and happy individuals.
We are only human though and as long as they are clean, fed and loved, I guess everything else is just a bonus!