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Original poster

5 year old making nasty comments all the time

19 replies

Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 21:54

My DD is 5 and for a while now everything that comes out of her mouth is critical. She makes disparaging comments about other people's efforts. She literally hasn't got a good word to say about anything. Everything is unfair to her but of course what she really means is she can't control everything to get her own way.

It's really wearing. Where do I even start?

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Wolfiefan · 23/07/2018 21:57

Pull her up on it. Every time. If she continues issue a consequence.

Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 21:59

I started doing that today and that's when I realised how constant it was 😱

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NataliaOsipova · 23/07/2018 21:59

What sort of comments is she making? In what context?

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InDubiousBattle · 23/07/2018 22:00

What kind of thing specifically op? Being unkind to other dc or just a bit moany?

Cauliflowersqueeze · 23/07/2018 22:02

As well as picking her up for moaning, constantly prompt her to say nice things

“What was the best part of your day?”
“What did you enjoy most about the playground?”
“What’s the nicest thing about xxx?”

Model kind comments:
“One of the nicest things about Xxx is how kind he is”
“I noticed xx was really helpful today”. Etc etc

Thebookswereherfriends · 23/07/2018 22:05

How often do you say positive stuff? Generally children model What they see and hear.
For every negative she comes out with try and give her a positive alternative. She's 5, she's still learning and understanding the world.

Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:22

Me: that looks really fun
Her: no it doesn't

Sister: can I watch Paw Patrol?
Her: Paw Patrol is babyish

Friend: look I did it
Her: that was easy

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Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:24

I've done Triple P so we do lots of praise for positive things.

Me: thank you for helping your sister onto her chair
Me: You listened really nicely when I asked you to stand there.

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NEFink · 23/07/2018 22:25

2 things I would consider.

  1. Is she jealous or feeling left out regarding her sister?

  2. Is there someone in her class, that does this to her?

Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:28

I'm starting to think there's a school influence given past behaviour of 1 child who we will not be seeing in the holidays.

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Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:29

Her sister is far far better behaved but actually is more likely to get the rough end of the deal so we avoid an argument with DD5.

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Thedutchwife · 23/07/2018 22:31
  1. she is mirroring you or some one in house
  2. she is mirroring some one at school
Blue2014 · 23/07/2018 22:33

Is her dad around and what's his behaviour like. My niece is like this (still now at 14!) because her dad is very "jokey" critical of others. It's impacted her ability to keep friendships as she's learnt it cool to be mean .

teaandtoast · 23/07/2018 22:36

Well, look at your examples.

She is entitled to her opinion. If she doesn't think something is fun, isn't she allowed to say so?
Paw Patrol is babyish - (I've never seen it, but presumably it's for younger kids?) - so to her it is babyish.

The last one - was she struggling to do something and her friend could do it or was it, in fact, easy and your dd couldn't see what was so hard about it?

Perhaps she's very bright?

PhilomenaFogg · 23/07/2018 22:36

Does she get more attention when she's negative? Eg you then try to persuade her that something is fun? Maybe ignore the comments? Althou I can imagine it's pretty draining.

Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:45

Her dad is amazing to be fair. He's on board with the praising etc and remembers even more than me.

At her school they ask 'is it true/kind/necessary'? and if not don't say it so I parrot that back to her every time. So Paw Patrol may be babyish to her but her sister is 3 so age appropriate. And it's neither kind nor necessary so she shouldn't say it.

I tried ignoring at first but it got worse hence the change of tack.

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Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 22:47

It's the sulky way she says it, quickly and without thinking 'no it's not' even if on reflection it might have been. It's like she's contrary for contrary's sake.

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Hopskipjumping · 23/07/2018 22:56

My son is 6 and can be like this (although not constant but it does annoy me). I think it is normal for their age somewhat. Friend will say "I scored 5 goals", son will say "I scored 50", "I know 5+5", son will laugh and say I know 5000 + 5000.

I think they need validation at that age that just because someone else can do something doesn't take anything away from you. What's that saying blowing out someone else's light doesn't make yours shine brighter? Something like that.

Original poster
Mehaveit · 23/07/2018 23:06

Absolutely agree Hopskipjumping. Is it about validation?

I like this quotation and quote a child friendly version when she's moaning about fairness/portion sizes

www.goodreads.com/quotes/834682-the-only-time-you-look-in-your-neighbor-s-bowl-is

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