At my wits end with breastfeeding. What am I doing wrong?!

[jadericho]

My gorgeous little boy is 6 weeks old now and I'm not exaggerating when I say he is feeding constantly. Like, aside from 11pm until about 6am he rarely goes longer than an hour without feeding. I've breastfed from the start and it's now got to the point where I'm just exhausted. It's like a growth spurt but it hasn't stopped since he was 2 weeks old. It was picked up on when he was about 3/4 days old that he had mild tongue tie but nothing was done about it as it wasn't affecting feeds but it's only recently over the last few weeks where it actually is affecting feeds. It's becoming painful. Not sore, just painful and sometimes his latch is very poor. I've tried all sorts of positioning but I'm convinced it's his tongue tie. So I've spoke to my health visitor about it and she's referred me to a specialist but there's a waiting list and she said I should expect to wait around 2 weeks before I hear anything and let me tell you it's nearly been two weeks and it's been the longest two weeks of my life!!!! I just don't know what to do. I feel like a failure of a Mum because he's just always feeding and he will not nap in the day unless it's on me after feeding but the second I put him down he'll scream. Yet he'll sleep on anyone else. Unfortunately however due to DP and grandparents, friends etc all at work I'm on my own with him so I can't rely on anyone else to have him while he naps.

So basically the only thing that makes him happy is when he's on my boob which is ALL THE TIME and it's making me miserable because it's just constant and I don't get a minute to myself to even have a bowl of cereal or hang a load of washing out. I'm just drained and completely at my wits end. I try my hardest to express but when you've got a little one attached to you constantly the last thing you want to do is express as soon as you get chance to. Though even when I do this I don't get a sufficient amount before little one is demanding to be fed again. So we've started introducing bottles of the ready made aptamil formula (just one a day) which is costing a fortune. I really don't want to go down the formula route because despite it all I'm clinging onto hope that it will get better and I'm hoping tongue tie is the problem which should be an easy enough fix (I hope!) but then failing that I don't know what I'll do. Any advice greatly appreciated xx

I feel your pain, it is NOT your fault and you're doing nothing wrong.

My DS was so similar. Everybody thought I was exaggerating when I said he fed ALL day long. He finally had his tongue tie cut at 9 weeks old and a few weeks later he figured it out slightly better. It took until 5 months for him to ever finish a feed in less than 45 minutes though, and that was every 2 hours. Utterly exhausting.

For the first 3 months I literally sat on the sofa all day, I had to put him on the floor to leg it to the loo and rush back while he screamed. It was beyond hell. I didn't have a shower or do a single load of washing unless I had someone else in the house because he was only happy when on the boob.

Formula saved my sanity, we started with it all evening and night and then gradually reduced as he got better at feeding and so could stimulate my supply more easily.

Don't feel like a failure for using formula if you have to at all!

I hope someone comes along with some helpful advice but wanted to show support and say that I promise eventually it will be easier, whichever feeding route you take. All the best xx

Have you a sling? Google the fourth trimester. (sorry for abrupt answer dealing with overtired baby)

He's supposed to be feeding all the time. He's building up your supply and putting his order in for the next day. Look up "cluster feeding". Supplementing with formula will interfere with this process so I'd avoid that.

I think you need to see an independent bf counsellor, they live and breathe breastfeeding and with respect HVs abs midwives generally don't have as much knowledge.

If your baby is unsettled and constantly feeding it's likely that the poor latch means he's not getting enough at each feed. See if there are any drop in sessions near you.

Good grief I am not at all surprised you feel like you do.
Mild tongue tie my arse. It is not possible to assess the impact of a tongue tie juat by looking how tied it appears to be. I àm presuming no-one knowledgeable did a digital exam to see how it affected the use of his mouth.

Can you pay privately for it to be sorted?

I feel for you I really do. My little one used to be on me from 5pm to 10/11am the next day then every hour I dreaded the evening coming. I had to give up it really effected me mentally. I tried a dummy which worked wonders for us and then the health visitor bollocked me and in my fragile mind I cracked had a breakdown and gave in. Fight for every bit of help you can whatever you decide works for you xx

My DS is 5 weeks and the same including the untreated tongue tie. It’s not what they recommend but I found what helped was giving him a dummy. He was comfort sucking lots which was making me sore. He now will take a big feed every 3 hours roughly and is much more content. I was advised not to due to the possibility of nipple confusion or reducing my supply but thankfully neither has happened. I’ve just kept a check on wet and dirty nappies and weight gain and he is doing well- gaining 50g a day which is greater than average.

Mine is 12 weeks now and has finally started going 1.5 hours between feeds as opposed to 30-60 minutes between, do maybe there is hope! She never feeds for longer than five minutes at a time and I assume she has some tongue-tie type issue as she latches strangely. I was tearing my hair out around six weeks though for sure, especially as I have an 18 month old too, who is currently surviving off YouTube and biscuits.

Apart from the soreness everything you have described I went through. People would tell me she was just cluster feeding but it lasted hours/ days/ months! Re: naps/ sleep We ended up co sleeping as she’d only settle that way.
I Know it’s easier said than believed but it all changes so quickly. After 6 months DD started sleeping on her front and she could sleep in her cot next to us happily, we did the odd formula bottle and by the time we introduced food it was so much easier. I would give anything to have her sleep on me now. I hope the tongue tie gets sorted but honestly this won’t last long.

As someone who's had a severely-affected tongue-tied baby, you're doing everything right.

You're doing an amazing job feeding that many times a day. You must be exhausted.

It's a vicious circle for your lo, this tongue tie business. Your ds has to work harder to get milk, which tires him out, and causes him to use more calories and makes him hungrier more quickly. Plus, an inefficient suck generally means lower supply, so he gets less milk (than if he didn't have tt) and therefore gets hungry more quickly.

My lo had a 'mild' tongue-tie too, apparently. But its effect was not mild in the least and baby had hardly any tongue flexibility.

The good news is that treating the tongue tie will change everything. The hard thing is getting there.

In my experience, what made a big difference to both of us was my taking a few days of almost exclusively expressing to build my supply (feeding ebm or formula depending on what I had). Baby was more settled with a full belly and I felt more confident in re-establishing bf once my supply started to look more 'normal'. After the snip, we were exclusively bf again within 4-5 days. It was very hard to believe the change in our house in such a short time.

Just to note, my supply was badly affected by the inefficient feeding (I could compare with my older babies), so I don't know if we'd have managed to fully establish bf after the snip unless I'd re-established my supply by breastfeeding. Lactation consultants didn't agree with my decision to try to build supply at first, but I knew my body and I knew I didn't have enough milk compared with my other kids. When they saw the difference in my supply, they admitted that they hadn't believed I would be able to rebuild it and continue bf. They were more concerned about bottle feeding in the interim, but that time bottle feeding saved the bf relationship.

I suspect a few days of expressing might work to make everything a whole lot easier for you and your ds in the coming weeks.

Above all, trust yourself. You got this.

(sorry for the essay)

*unless I'd re-established my supply by expressing

I had exactly the same with my DD. She also had a tongue tie and things did improve once it was cut although it wasn’t instant. She also would only sleep on me so it was constant. It’s so so hard and you have my sympathies but, if you’re wanting to continue, it really does get easier! The first 6-8 weeks of breastfeeding were the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Then suddenly it was a bit easier. Then a bit easier again. To me, how difficult those first couple of months were was totally worth it for how easy things became.

My tips are:

• If it’s not working for you then forget expressing for now. I tried it for a bit and it was more hassle than it was worth. DH would give her a bottle while I had a bath and then expressed, but she would drain it and then want to be latched back on pretty much as I was finishing up expressing. I did then buy a naturebond pump for about £15 from amazon though and that was fab. Whack it on one boob while feeding from the other. I tended to get more than the hospital grade pump I’d hired with far less faffing. Meant I could build up a freezer supply so I could leave her with DH if needed.

• There are some things that you just have to do and your baby will be ok to cry for a minute or two. When I knew she was wanting a feed I would pop her on her mat, boil the kettle, go to the loo, make a cuppa, snack and get a pint of water, grab the remote, cushions, phone, charger, kindle. Then get comfy. Quick as I could before she got irate, but it really didn’t do her any harm. A few minutes of upset before a several hour feast isn’t unreasonable.

• Have low expectations of what you want to get done. My rules were a quick shower (after morning feed, DD in her bouncy chair), me fed and watered, some fresh air (even if it was a 5 minute walk to the shop for chocolate with DD screaming in her pram) dishwasher on and one load of washing. The dishwasher and laundry part tended to take me most of the day in little 30 second bursts! DH kept on top of the basic housework if I hadn’t managed to do it. Some days I did. He also cooked as there was no way I could manage anything that took more than few minutes (tried a carrier and a sling but DD hated them and I found she still got in the way). If you’re on your own a couple of months of the house not being up to scratch isn’t the end of the world. Your baby WILL start to go longer between feeds as they get older and you WILL be able to do more soon and get back on top of it. Don’t feel too guilty about using convenience food, again it isn’t forever.

• And finally, as hard as it is, do try and enjoy sitting on your bum watching boxsets, reading and just cuddling your baby without any guilt. Before you know it you really won’t get to do any of that. It was a sudden change for me, not long before Christmas, and I realised that the leisurely feeds where I’d planned on getting my online shopping done just weren’t a thing any more. 5 minutes and DD was done!

You aren’t doing anything wrong. It does sound like the tongue tie is causing an issue but that’s fixable. DD is 15 months now, and with the same tough start as you I’m still breastfeeding at night which I never expected to be doing. Hope it gets easier for you soon! (But there’s no shame in stopping if it doesn’t and it gets too much)

Been there :)

I gave up trying to get anything done in the end. I settled myself on the sofa, fed and let her sleep on me. She actually slept really well if i didn’t put her down. If i needed to move i took her with me. Everywhere.

Even now i still drink my coffee half milk so it’s cool enough to a) make and drink in 5 minutes, and b) not scald the baby i would be carrying.

What can be sanity saving is find somewhere to go on foot. Mine would sleep in the pram so i’d feed, chuck her in the pram and set off on a 30 min walk to a cafe, shopping centre, library, anywhere I could get breakfast. Then at least i got moving :). Reach destination, order, possibly get another 10 or 20 mins to eat breakfast in peace before she woke up and fed, again. Same in reverse. Back home for an afternoon of tv, feeding and napping on the sofa. Then when dh got home he took over holding duties while i sorted dinner, had a shower and whatnot.

Also timing can be important. Mine had to be left to sleep. If i woke her early by moving or trying to put her down she’d be not full enough to sleep, but not hungry enough to feed properly. I’d have hours of whinging and on and off the boob. If she got a good sleep and woke hungry, she’d feed well and go longer until the next feed.

You are doing everything right! Give yourself permission to stop housework and anything else, just concentrate on feeding and resting :)

You're bloody phenomenal for keeping going feeding a tongue tied baby . It's gruelling and no they're not supposed to be feeding 24/7. They feed A LOT but a major red flag of a tongue tie is they never ever seem satisfied . I had to pay for ds to have his snipped privately at 3 weeks or I would have just stopped . Is this an option for you ?

Six weeks is the worst bit, it should get better from here. You are not doing anything wrong, but I would persevere with the tongue tie check.

Well done for persevering! Please please hang on there. You've done so well already.

My little one got diagnosed with a very tight tongue tie at 5 days old. I kept mentioning he was feeding 24/7 but it was only spotted when he cried infront of the midwife and she noticed it straight away. It was a similar situation as she couldn't get me an appointment to have it cut for 4 weeks as they were so busy, so we just had to feed through it.

Those 4 weeks were so hard. Absoloutely crippling and I felt like i was going mad. I was tempted to pump or formula but we didnt, we just stuck with the breast. My nipples were raw and bleeding, even the shower (when you could get the time for one) was so painful on my breasts. I kept a diary for two days out of curiosity, where i recorded how long he fed for each day and it totalled 9+ hours a day of nursing. I remember the sadness of waking up, latching him on and not moving for hours, not even to wee or eat!

The tongue tie was cut and he was super grumpy and awful for about 5 days but within 2 weeks he was like a different baby. He could drain a breast within 15 to 30 minutes and be fully satisfied. I would push for getting tongue tie snipped asap and I promise within a fortnight you will notice a huge difference!!

My LO is 14 weeks now and those days of tongue tie are a distant memory! I'm so pleased i pushed through it and nursing feels like a breeze in comparison. Hang on in there !! It's the toughest time but things will get better! You've done so well to get this far, I really hope the tongue tie snip makes a huge difference and you can get some sanity back!

My dd's 'mild' tongue tie caused us very severe problems.

Could you afford to pay a lactation consultant? There are consultants who could snip the tongue tie at home, I believe and there is often hardly any wait time.