Teenage Relationships

[ssdd66]

Hi. This is my first post and I wish it could be a happy one but I have a dilemma which I would like to share and maybe get some opinions on. My DD is 15 yo and in a relationship with a really nice lad who is also 15 yo. He is quite a complicated boy who comes from a broken home, has no real relationship with either parent and is basically very independent and very set in his ways. He likes to be part of our family and in truth I have taken him under my wing as a 'son' which he loves. However he can be quite controlling and manipulative with their relationship which does cause 'issues' with them and a lot of the time with me, as he feels I impose 'unreasonable' rules.

My dilemma is we are due to go on holiday to Devon on Friday (20th) with said boyfriend however they have asked if they can share a bedroom (they are not sexually active at the moment). My DH and I have said no - whilst we have trust in them we are not comfortable with them sharing a room at their age and feel they should not expect to either. They obviously think we are being unfair and are 'behind with the times'. I have reluctantly said when they are 16 they can share a room but they can't understand why they can't do it now! I don't know how his parents would handle the situation as I don't really know them or have much to do with them so I don't want to upset the situation further and ask.

My daughter does not want to go on holiday without her boyfriend so I have said I would cancel the holiday but now I am being selfish for doing this! But I know if DD does go she will be miserable and make it uncomfortable for us, will spend all day on her phone to her boyfriend who will in turn give her grief because he is not there and then be funny with us when we see him again! I can't win and I know this decision will cause friction for all of us for a long time but I don't want to back down as I feel I am just giving in to their demands just to keep the peace.

I should add that usually DD and myself have a very close relationship most of the time and I do think without the pressure from her BF she would probably just accept the situation - it is him that fuels the fire unfortunately!

Any help/opinions gratefully received!

Dd it's illegal to have sex before you are both 16. Be bloody grateful he is invited on the holiday!!
End of discussion.

That’s a tough one, oh how complicated it gets as they get older! What did you say to them at first, he can come and stay in a spare bedroom? I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, you need boundaries as a parent but then there’s the fact you can be too strict which they then rebel!

If you know they aren’t sexually active then mayb just let him come along and them share a room. As long as they both respect your wishes. I think your daughter would really appreciate you understanding. At that age they tend to stray away from their parents so if you have a good relationship with her I would try let that continue, I know a lot of teenagers go through a phase of finding their parents embarrassing so be grateful they both want to come! Xx

What ready says.

Yup what ready said