Ex husband bad mouthing myself to our daughter

[Em4891]

Hi,
I wanted to know where I stand over this matter .
I’ve been divorced from my ex husband whom i have a daughter with for 9 years now .
We went through a very trying and exhausting court case for 4 years with it ending with myself having custody of her and him seeing her a few nights a week.
Fast forward 4 years and now my 12 year old does not want to go up to her dads as much due to a number of reasons .
The most awful thing is the bad mouthing he does to my daughter about myself .
Calling me awful vulgar names , says he going to show her court papers , that I’ve brainwashed her and that when we were going through court he couldn’t do anything but , now he’s only just started.
I’ve literally had enough as half the time it’s on my own doorstep.
I did in the past have to have a non molistation order against him which has now came off but , now I feel it’s starting all over again due to my daughter wanting to go to her dads less .
Please help as I really don’t know where to turn

That sounds awful. Could you have a new order?

How upsetting for you and your daughter! How selfish this man is!! The thing is, he’s only going to end up pushing her away. If you can bring yourself too maybe write him a letter telling him that your DD doesn’t want to come and visit him because of his behaviour and despite your feelings towards each other you don’t want him to miss out on a relationship with his daughter nor her miss out on seeing her dad. Ask him if he an please concentrate on having fun with DD so that they both enjoy the visits? I don’t know what you did when you went through the courts, I’m assuming you tried mediation? It sure if it’s worth offering to go through some family councilling or mediation together to help him get past his bad feelings. I’ll be honest, reaching out to help an ex who was bad mouthing me to my own daughter would stick in my throat somewhat and go against my own instincts for revenge BUT I’d also want to stick it to him by being the better person and providing a good model for my DD for resolving conflict. I suppose if your daughter doesn’t want to visit then it means she knows what he’s saying is just nasty and doesn’t believe him which is a small comfort. My parents bad mouth each other to me to this day and I’m 34!