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Parenting

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Original poster

Any help at all!!

21 replies

Rjandy2014 · 14/07/2018 20:15

So the dummy fairy came last saturday. My boy is 3. He only had it at night but it was his ONLY comforter. I have tried introducing others so many times but he always chucked them out the cot/bed. Even at 9 months old he wouls pick up every teddy and chuck them overboard. Now dont get me wrong, he has been good as gols in that he is very proud that 'a new baby has his dummies', he hasnt cried and he hasnt once asked for them back, however, he cannot settle. He is avoiding bed time like the plague (just says hes not tired) and when i eventually force him to go he is so restless, tossing and turning, he wants a drink-then he doesnt, he wants to hold my hand-then he doesnt, he wants to hold iron man-then he doesnt....you get the jist.
Im having to sit in his room for 30-60 minutes!! With the dummy he was out like a light!

Any ideas anyone?????

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Readyfortheschoolhols · 14/07/2018 20:21

Give him it back?
You say it's his only comfort yet you are denying him it!!

Mollywobbles82 · 14/07/2018 20:31

Why does it matter so much if it's just for sleep?

I should declare that I'm firmly on the dummy supporting side of the fence. Dd 19m is very attached to hers and I try to restrict its use in the day. However, as I'm literally about to burst with her new brother, I have perhaps been less strict than usual and honestly will likely continue to be so for a while. I'm sure all the perfect parents will be judging away but then if I didn't let her have it then the many bus passengers who share our journeys would be judging her protests at being strapped in the buggy equally harshly so I guess it all evens out.

Readyfortheschoolhols · 14/07/2018 20:35

My ds is 3.10 and from 3 we replaced every bloody time he put a hole in them!! We whittled down to the last dummy, talking about how he was getting bigger and we had to stop replacing them soon!! At 3.6 the last one 'died'!! I reminded him we weren't replacing it now he was bigger and at nursery. He didn't even ask for it after we put it in the bin. The months previously discussing them going had made sense to him I feel.

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Knittedfairies · 14/07/2018 20:39

I’d give him his dummy back, on the understanding that it will not be replaced if it fails or is lost. If it’s just for comfort at night, and not affecting his teeth or speech, why not?

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 14/07/2018 20:48

It is affecting his teeth according to the dentist so that is why we chose to get rid of them. We talked about it for a while and even though i knew it was affecting his teeth, i told him he could decide when he was ready for the dummy fairy to come and he said he was ready. Like i said, he hasnt once asked for them back so i think he was ready in that respect....its just like a habit thats hard to kick. He always had one in his mouth and another in his hand to go to sleep and now he doesnt know what to do with his hands or his mouth. My heart breaks for him but i cant think of anything that might make a good replacement.

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Mollywobbles82 · 14/07/2018 21:01

That sounds tough op. In what way are his teeth being affected, did your dentist explain? I suppose I'm wondering whether s/he is giving you specific advice based on a problem that s/he has observed in your dc's teeth or the standard issue advice of dummies are bad, they affect the teeth.

I would maybe give it a few more nights and see if your dc gets used to sleeping without it. If you've got to sit there for 60 minutes, so be it. If there are no signs of improvement then it would seem that he's just not ready to be without the comfort a dummy brings. Then I guess you've got some weighing up to do between his teeth / your time / his sleep.

Knittedfairies · 14/07/2018 21:13

If he hasn’t asked for his dummy, I think perhaps you’ll just have to ride it out. Good luck!

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 14/07/2018 21:15

The dentist was actually really nice and it was me who pointed out that it seemed like his bottom teeth sometimes 'stuck out' infront of his bottom teeth but i wasnt sure if i was being paranoid. He asked him to close his teeth together and said that the bottom teeth arent infront but there is an 'open gap' between his teeth (so they dont shut completely-not sure how to explain this) and said its caused by sucking your thumb or using a dummy (i hadnt told him about the dummy) and may affect his speech. So cue the parent guilt :-( had a cry about it and thought id better crack on with seeing if he was ready to be without it. I hadnt done it sooner for selfish reasons really-because i knew it was his only comforter and it would upset his sleeping through the night. But he has surprised me...i really thought it would be worse. Once hes asleep he is fine...its just getting to sleep he struggles with and i just cant find a suitable replacement. I feel like if i gave it back to him now it would again be for selfish reasons. So i guess youre right....il just have to sit there for 60 minutes until we find a replacement or he just learns to settle himself. I hope it happens sooner rather than later though as it is making him more tired during the day as he used to be asleep by 7 and now its as late as 9 some nights

OP posts:

lola212121 · 14/07/2018 21:21

RJ my son sucked his thumb until he was 10 , his teeth stuck out but he is having a brace to fix them . Taking the dummy seems to be very distressing for your child .x I would give it back.

lola212121 · 14/07/2018 21:22

I agree with molly

Mollywobbles82 · 14/07/2018 21:31

Maybe I'm not giving due regard to dental wellbeing here but aren't those teeth going to be replaced by adult ones in a few short years? Or is it the case that adult teeth follow the 'pattern' set by milk teeth? I admit I have no clue.

Op try not to feel guilty about it either way. You're only doing, and have done, the best you can to help your child sleep.

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 14/07/2018 21:47

In all honesty, im not sure-in regards to long term affect on adult teeth. I think i thought i was being selfish risking it when its well known that its advised to give up the dummy. I knew it would be difficult for him to give it up but everybody always says that its not as bad as you think and its for the best. He turns 4 next month and starts school in september-comments from family made me worried it could lead to bullying if other children found out he still had a dummy. I basically had guilt coming from everywhere....and when i suggested it to my boy and he was so up for it, i felt worse that i hadnt tried sooner.
If he was crying out for the dummy it would most likely break my heart completely and id give in and give it back but i feel like it would be wrong to give it back when he isnt actually asking for it. I was just hoping for some magical replacement that i hadnt thought of yet but it seems like time is the only healer....as they say!!

Thanks everyone for your kindness and understanding x

OP posts:

Mollywobbles82 · 14/07/2018 23:12

You sound like a really loving mum. Your ds's teeth are more than likely absolutely fine, and he will probably come out the other side of this transition unfazed.

Whether you persevere with quitting the dummy or not, no one is going to bully him because no one outside your immediate family needs to know how he gets to sleep. Ignore the family comments and do what's right for your son. I hope he settled down ok tonight.

triangulator · 14/07/2018 23:17

Have you tried audiobooks at night?

My son struggles to switch off and they really help him settle as he listens rather than tries to sleep. He just falls asleep in the process

hellohello12345 · 14/07/2018 23:17

I feel like you have done the hard bit so now you should persevere. Seems silly to go back but I can understand how hard it is watching him struggle to fall asleep. I guess he just has to learn to fall asleep without it. You've done so well don't doubt yourself now!

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 17/07/2018 08:10

Thank you for your supportive comments x

He has taken 45 minutes to fall asleep the last 2 nights also-but he relaxes a bit more if i sing to him for a bit and hold his hand.

I havnt tried audiobooks! Thats a good idea. Il look into that. Thank you x

OP posts:

InNeedOfALieInNow · 17/07/2018 08:15

I think it’s just hard for him to learn a new way to get to sleep now his crutch has gone and it’ll take time. Would he like to choose something to hold/cuddle instead of his dummy to help him sleep? Perhaps white noise, quiet music, a star projector?

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 17/07/2018 08:29

He has an elephant night light that he has had since he was born. It projects stars and plays a tune for 45 minutes. That definitely helps. He would always turn that on if i hadnt. But since the dummy has gone he asks to hold it and plays with the buttons and then he says he wants it off and out of his bed. We ask if he wants to pick a toy to take to bed and he always does but it almost always gets chucked overboard too. Hes a right pickle. I think its the need to have something in his mouth thats the problem. He has put iron mans foot in his mouth a few times but obviously decides thats not comfortable because he huffs and chucks him.
I think i have a long road ahead of me. But i am really proud of him for choosing to do it and not asking for it back even though he clearly misses it. Hes obviously trying so hard so i just have to stick with it too

OP posts:

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 17/07/2018 20:57

Triangulator....thank you! We tried an audiobook tonight and he was asleep in 13minutes! Yay. Fingers crossed this is the answer! Thank you everybody x

OP posts:

triangulator · 17/07/2018 21:05

Ahhh brilliant! I'm really glad it has helped.

My son really struggles to switch off at night - he always has. Rather than saying 'go to sleep' we can say 'lie down and listen to your story'. It sort of takes the pressure off iykwim.

He has always needed 'something' to help.him drop off, bottles, cuddles, then progressing to dummies once he could self sooth. He got rid of his dummy at 2.5 but needed his hand held until he was 3.5 and he'd fiddle with it till he slept. Audiobooks are his thing now as they are quite passive and he loves a good story. He has a small stack of CDs by his bed and he can change them himself. Amazon has loads and they are usually a good price.

We also put them on the computer and then onto our phones so we can play them if we are away from home. It really really helps him settle.

Original poster

Rjandy2014 · 17/07/2018 22:09

That sounds great. We are definitely going to have to invest in lots of audiobooks i think! Thank you for your help!

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