Miserable mum of 2

[Pennyfitzgerald91]

Hey,

Does anyone else feel miserable having 2 kids? I have a 2yr 9month old and a 9 week old and I have never been so miserable. I do have good days but whenever I do it is always ruined when it's gets to the evening, I am just struggling and feel so down! Freedom has completely gone. Sometimes I just feel trapped and feel like I will be miserable like this for the rest of my life.

Can anyone offer any advice?
Thanks

I have kids exactly the same age and I just want to sympathise, it's so hard sometimes. But I think it sounds like you are struggling a bit more than expected - do you have support around you? And have you chatted to your GP or HEalth Visitor about this? They might offer practical advice for your situation or just check that you aren't suffering from PND. I hope it gets better soon

I have a similar age gap, mine are both at school now and (mostly!) play nicely together and it's great having two as they can entertain each other but I remember the evenings in the early days being particularly hard.

What I used to do was have the baby on my front in a baby carrier while I sorted out the toddler with bath/bed. I had a strict bedtime regime for the toddler so he had tea at 5pm, bath by 6pm, story and lights out by 6.30pm. This meant that if I fed dc2 while dc1 had his tea then I could usually manage to get dc1 into bed before it was feeding time again for dc2 and with the timings when it got to 'witching hour' with the baby I could be downstairs feeding him without interruption.

I also kept DC1 at nursery 3 days a week, he did shorter days than when I was working but it meant I had a break from the full on toddler demands during the day at last some days so I could focus on DC2 and only have 1 to worry about.

Dc2 spent a lot of time in the baby carrier on my front so I could play/read with DC1 and have both hands free.

It is tough but the old MN mantra comes into play here 'this too will pass', it is a relatively short period where it is really tough and you're getting no sleep etc.

What is it that you are finding difficult in particular?

Hi I have a1yr old and a 4 week old and I completely hear what you are saying about loss of freedom. Leaving the house is a full on mission and I agree any good days are always forgotten come 6pm!

However I just keep telling myself tomorrow will be better than today! And soon they will be able to make you a cup of tea and amuse themselves so you can have a break for a few minutes.

Will you eldest go to nursery in a few months? Will that help? Do you have any family who can help you?

I have a 3yo and 4yo and am miserable, exhausted and depressed. there are moments of joy/cuteness but getting rarer and I'm fed up of the bickering, screaming, whining, fighting, defiance, not listening, disciplining, destroying property, tears... I work full time and it's the only relief I get. no family nearby. all other mums seem to adore their kids. going out helps but they are so hyper dh and i are exhausted and it's taking a toll on our relationship. we no longer do dates just so tired mentally and physically. going out is no walk in the park either.

I used to enjoy it when they were babies and didn't talk back or hit. I found the 2 in nappies stage great. Sorry, no advice, just that you are not alone. hugs.

btw when i had no. 2 I put no.1 in nursery so I could bf and bond in peace during day. your 9 week old is still young and it's tough you can focus on the older for bedtime for now. I enjoyed both my maternity leave with each baby. what is difficult for me now is juggling 121 emotional needs of 2 toddlers/young children. babies are physically needy but wouldn't care if it's mum or a cow feeding them.

It’s so flipping hard. I sympathise. I had 26 months between my two - they are now 3.5 and 16 months. It’s easier now than it was, although we’ve just returned from a taxing week abroad! But I remember getting to 4 months and thinking, fuck this, that’s it I’m off to work (I hadn’t worked since having DS as we moved 200 miles away when he was 1 and then got pregnant again), saw a pt job round the corner from me, applied for it and now have a fantastic work life balance. I think we’re all a lot happier.
Keep going, it definitely gets better!