19 months old and can't sleep through

[ale233]

My 19 mth old goes to bed at 7.30, has bath, bottle, story then bed and goes off to sleep without any problems. The problem is during the night. She can wake upto 7 times a night and never sleeps past 5am. We have always been very strict about not putting her in out bed and have tried controlled crying, blackout blind and night light. We asked the health visitor to come and help but she said that she couldnt suggest anything as we had tried it all. We went to the doctors and he refered us to a pediatricion. He said that he could find nothing medically wrong with her and that he would refer her to a psycologist to give us some sleep techniques but the waiting list could be some time. This has been going on for 12 months now and I am expecting again, it really is making us all poorly. Has anyone any suggestions or advice please. ( she has a nap in the afternoon but I wake her after 1 1/2 hours, if she doesnt have a nap she is worse, she is tired and crammed. )

No advice but tons of sympathy
Exactly the same with my 2 year old

actually it sounds almost identical
we have been refered to ent specilaist to check for adenoid problems and sleep apnoea which I am praying is the problem

ds2 is the same if he does not have a nap - loads worse

The pediatrician checked her over and said everything looks fine, he didnt really suggest anything for us, its just so hard when your sleep is disturbed every night isn't it.

To be honest I would try anything, I am just worried that we are going to open up all new sleep issues by putting her in bed with us although on wednesday night I came down and got on the setee with her from 2am but she didnt really settle with me either. I am just so tired all the time and to be honest am starting to dread the thought of a newborn as well , I just dont know how we'll cope.

dd1 was also a terrible sleeper probably until she was nearly 3. Never really found out why but something clicked at some point and she sleeps ok now although still wants to be up with the larks.

Sympathy!

DD2 is 19m and wakes between 3 and 4 for milk so not as bad as yours but still i sympathise. (esp as i have DD1 who rises by 6am!)

anyway, what is she like when she wakes in the night? is she moaning, shouting for you or screaming? is she settled by a cuddle? milk? how do you get her back down?

is she exhausted when she wakes at 5 or is she ready for her day?

I think some LOs are just like this (not a comfort I know) they all grow out of it though

Hi ale233, do you mind if I ask why you wake her after 1.5 hours from her afternoon nap? Our 19mo ds has anything from 1-3.5 (yes really!) hours sleep in the afternoon, pretty much straight after lunch, and it doesn't shorten his night time sleep however long the nap.

I expect this wouldn't really make much difference in your case, I was just curious. Really sympathetic - up to 7 times a night must be an absolute killer, poor you xx

up untill a couple of weeks ago she was easy to settle and you just had to lie her back down and she would go back off, recently though she has started screaming in the night and it can take upto an hour ro get her back off. She will lie there with her eyes closed untill you walk out of the room and then she screams the house down again. We wake her after 1 1/2 hours in the day because the health visitor said the less she gets in thwe day, the more she should sleep at night. However, if she gets none she is worse. I think we are trying so many different things we have no idea which is right or wrong. She is tired at 4.30 / 5am when she gets up but there is no settling her at all at this time. We have even tried putting ear plugs in and ignoring her in the night but she screams and screams. The longest we have left her is about 40 minutes which feels like a lifetime in the night!!

Hi ale, It sounds like she is going through a phase of needing a bit of extra reasurrance for whatever reason.

DS2 (also 19 months) recently started to go through a phase of wanting more comfort. He used to go to bed like clockwork but sometimes now he wont settle at all unless I'm in the room with him. Like you, just when I think he's asleep and go to leave he starts yelling again.

Is she still in a cot or a bed? We recently moved DS2 into a bed (in the same room as DS1). Because it is a full size single bed if he won't settle one of us can get into bed with him until he falls asleep. Not the ideal solution, but it beats sitting on the floor next to his cot and you can fall asleep too. He has slept better because of the added comfort of knowing someone is there.

We've found since doing this that we don't have to do it every night! Once he got into a pattern of going back to sleep with me or DH there, we found that we could go back to just shushing and leaving him again if he woke.

The past 2 nights he hasn't woken at all, and although he is still an early riser it makes getting up so much easier if we haven't been up all night too.

She is still in her cot but we have considered putting her in a bed. Our only concern was that she would spend most of the night wondering around upstairs!!! I think as we have tried everything else we should try her with this. Have you tried any of the sleep techniques?
Thanks everyone for your advice.

DS2 has always slept in a sleeping bag so we transfered it to the bed - I think there is a psychological barrier so he feels like he can't get out of bed

We haven't really followed any techniques as such - just made it up as we went along with a bit of help from tips picked up on TV and MN!

DS1 was always a better sleeper because he had a dummy (instant comfort plug!), but unfortunately DS2 wouldn't take one

You may do these things anyway but the most important things we've found are:
Keep it dark (we don't even switch on lamp if we get up for him in the night)
No talking to him (obviously we shush him and stroke and cuddle him).
We've found this helps him to know it's not time to get up.

Our biggest hurdle now is trying to get him to sleep later in the morning. He has been a 5am riser for months now and we've tried everything. But I think at least if the night waking is cracked it will make it more bearable.

thanks for your advice, we're going to move the bed from the spare room in there tonight and see how it goes!

HI Ale,

Sympathies - my dd is also 19 months and also wakes several times per night (although not seven, poor you). We used to bring her into our bed but she pulls on my hair all night to soothe herself which drives me insane so we are trying to get her to settle herself in her cot now, same as you.

When you said she sometimes wakes up screaming and takes a long while to settle, dd also does this, and I think it is because she has had a nightmare - could this be the case with your dd too? If so she probably needs picking up and cuddles (and maybe put in your bed if you don't mind giving this a go) as she will probably need some time to stop being distressed.

Apart from that as others have said i think some children/babies are just like that (I never really thought off dd having a problem - just thought it was quite normal!)and she will grow out of it. I am also pg with no.2 but to look on the positive side - at least you will already be accustomed to sleep deprivation so it won't be as much of a shock to the system ... would that be taking clouds and silver linings a bit too far

It must be so difficult especially as you are pregnant.

Have you tried just total no talking, no eye contact. If she knows that you are some form of entertainment then she will continue to do it. Personally as you are pregnant and have not taken her into your bed every night I wouldn't start now. I would leave her in her cot as if she then starts getting out of bed you will have that added problem.

It would seem that she wants you in her room while she tries to go back to sleep. My friend was referred to a sleep clinic and they did controlled crying as recommended.

I have never done controlled crying, I couldn't as I'm too much of a wuss, but try the baby whisperer pick up put down method. She may also have no concept of time and therefore she wakes and doesn't even try to go back to sleep.

We have one of these clocks that lights up -acts as a visual aid for knowing when it is time to get up. Would be quite a novelty too. We use the line "shhh, don't wake up the bunny, he is sleeping and he will let you know when it is morning"

www.arf-kids.co.uk/arf_kids_products.htm

we have that bunny clock and it is good for DD1 (3.2) but not sure DD2 (19m) would "get it".
if he is screaming when he wakes he may be having nightmares so i would recommend a nightlight. we went through a phase of this with DD2 a few months ago (her heart was pounding and she was freaking out, not just crying though) and now leave her door open and the bathroom light on. if she's very distressed in the night i leave a small lamp on in her room dimmed down low. Do you have anything like that?

at 4.30/5am when she wakes and is tired have you tried giving her a bottle of milk in bed? i often have to do this but it does mean she usually goes back to sleep, often til 7 on a good day. i also change her nappy at this time (while she is drinking her milk lying down in the cot) and it is often totally full and i think making her uncomfortable.

and i mean he/him of course!

Hi,I think you ladies may me able to help me with a problem. I have a 4 month old who still feeds at 3 or 4 am but otherwise sleeps fine. The problem is my upstairs neighbour, they have recently moved in and have an 18m (ish) son who screams blue murder in the night. This wakes me up coz my radar thinks its my own baby but then I can't get back to sleep coz of the screaming. It went on for 45mins last night, I don't know if they just don't hear him or if they are trying controlled crying but its driving us mad. So my question is - how do I approach them? Obviously they can't just tell the child to "stop coz you're waking the neighbours" and its not exactly a deliberate noise but equally I'm not getting much sleep when waking up for their baby too!

It's difficult smallone, if they are trying cc they are probably at desperation point already, and having a complaint about the noise will send them over the edge!
On the bright side, if they are doing CC it supposedly works really quickly so the problem should be resolved soon enough.
How long has it been going on?

He's been a bit of a screamer since they moved in just before christmas. I am sympathetic towards them but I can't help but think that they just leave him to cry. He gets so worked up he's coughing a spluttering and I can't believe he can settle himself when he's that upset. Or is this just the process of controlled crying? I hope so - then maybe we can all get some sleep! I'd love to be able to give them some advice but don't want to come across as a whingy or patronising neighbour. I keep wondering if I could somehow get the HV to visit "routinely" to give them some pointers.

Other than that I'm hoping he'll just grow out of it soon!

Poor little boy! I don't really think they can be doing CC as he would not be still screaming in the night since before christmas. Sounds like they are just leaving him to cry
It's such a shame because it's hard to know what to do unless people ask for help. How well do you know them? Are they likely to take offence if you mention the disturbance? Maybe it will be the push they need to get some help, because it sounds like they have just learned to live with it for now.

7.30 might be a bit early for your 19 month old DD, that is probably why she is waking up at 5.

I would gradually move bedtime to 8 or 8.30.

Ale 223 - sorry haven't read any other replies but i was in exactly the same boat DS now 26 months & baby is 9 wks old. I went to sleep clinic but was written off as i do everything they suggested. You are not doing anything wrong i would guess. DS never slept thro until he was 2 & i don;t think he would have done whatever sleep training method i used. To keep my sanity - and my job - i slept on the floor beside his cot. I would not have to move far- i would just call to him to go to sleep mommy's here. This reassured him i was there & eventually he'd go back to sleep & so would i even if it was uncomfortable.i was pg at the time. It was the fact i wasn't lying there in my bed kind of waiting for the next get up because i was already there. It may not work for you but i was at my wits end. He still wakes now but is very easy to settle & will stay in his room chattering & playing in the mornings.