Discipline a 12 month old

[SurvivingAdulthood]

Hi all,

I'm just wondering how you teach a baby of this age "right from wrong" as I'm sure there understanding is still pretty limited?

Do you down stern "no", do you divert their attention etc etc?

Just examples, hair pulling, throwing food, pulling at the TV, climbing on stuff, screaming when in a high chair in a cafe etc. I'm guessing all typical baby stuff?

Also, he seems very whingey of late. Very needy and needing constant attention. Is this normal also?

He cries the second I leave the room, he wants picked up, then set down, then up again.

Thank you.

I always used the age old "Ah-ah No!"
It's always worked for us. So has "Ah-ah! Burney!" For hot stuff warnings. Distractions all well and good but they also need to know there's things they're not allowed to touch.

The clingy ness doesn't last forever (usually) though I didn't always pick mine up when they wanted. Find a balance. You can't always have them attached to you but on the other hand, they're little for such a short time. Mine are growing up so fast my eldest doesn't even cuddle now (high school)

Thank you @DrDougieHowserMD!

That's pretty much what we've been doing. My main issue is the whinging if we're out in public because he wants to be out of the high hair to crawl/try to walk, which obviously we can't allow in a busy cafe, for example.

I don't know how to deal with that without upsetting other people. I take him outside until he calms down and tell him "no"

Thank you for the advice!

I've a nearly 11 month old and the "ah ah no" thing shocks her and makes her stop in her tracks. She knows not to touch the baby monitor for example or not to take my glasses because of this. She can't obviously understand consequences but I think you should start as early as possible. I use words to explain even though she can't understand yet 🤷‍♂️

It really is typical baby stuff. I found looking right in his eye and saying "no thank you" can often work (not always).
The clinginess is most likely a stage or leap in development and will pass. My wee boy used to get so upset when I left the room, went up the stair etc and it did last a few months. He's not bothered now.

I* always used the age old "Ah-ah No!"
It's always worked for us. So has "Ah-ah! Burney!" For hot stuff warnings. Distractions all well and good but they also need to know there's things they're not allowed to touch.*

Yeah all of this is what we did you need to keep it short and to the point

I don’t think you really can discipline a 12 month old, they don’t have the cognitive ability to understand consequences, logical or natural!

Distraction is your best tool, so take them away from whatever they are breaking. If they are throwing something in appropriate, we dont throw x, but if you are in a throwing mood, here’s a ball. I use “We don’t hurt the cat” or whatever them model what it is you so want, “gentle hands, she likes being stroked like this” A LOT!

I try to save the firm / loud no for really important stuff. So if they are going for the oven “ouch! Hot!!” And move them away straight away. Or running away.

The other thing that’s handy is empathy. It must be pretty shit having all these new skills you want to practice and just understand if you are an autonomous being but you are stuck in your boring old high chair and can only get out if mum helps. All you have is crying / shouting. Take some toys to play with or sit them on your knee works well for me.

And the clinginess will come and go for some time!

Yes the clingyness is normal and one of these phases you will hear about till your baby is at least 16

Sorry my post is a bit jumbled - 2 hour middle of the night party with the little cat fancier last night...

Hahaha, I know all too well about this middle of the night parties 😂

I do take toys, but he just decides to LAUNCH them :(

He really is just a baby if he is launching toys it is because he thinks it is the best fun if you want to be poncey about it he is exploring his enviroment you just need to take him away if he gets over excited about toy launching.

I’ve been wondering the same for my nearly 12mo, mainly for biting (argh!) and harassing the cat. With the cat I’m reacting quickly and removing him, saying no and to be gentle, cat is stupid though and doesn’t help by walking up to him. With the biting I say ah ah no and lift him away - but he’s starting finding this hilarious and coming to try it again. Think distraction is the only way atm!

Ooh following this as my 13 month old does exactly the same! Grabbing the cat (stupid cat loves dd though and actively seeks her out, so that's fun to police). Trying to say ah ah NO! To things like getting in the dog bowl or pulling on things that are a bit dangerous but she just thinks it's funny and does it again for attention not really sure where I'm going wrong there.

I think it's just that when all this is going on, I feel like the only person in the world who has a noisy child 🙈. I always worry what others will think as I don't want to ruin their quiet coffee!

You aren't the only one. It's really normal.

I find at 1-2 years they know what they want but not really how to communicate to get it, or really understanding why they can't have/do something so easily frustrated. No and then distraction is the best thing.

In a cafe I always brought raisens as they took a while for mine to eat. I also got my coffee in a take away cup as I knew realistically I might be leaving sooner than I would like!

I say no firmly (although I'm starting to think he thinks his name is no ) sometimes he will get frustrated at being told no or having something taken away (like a plug or a lead) and hit out. When he does that, I say 'we don't hurt' and move him away. He's quite clingy too and hates me doing that so he's starting to stop. We always have a cuddle quite quickly after

I think there comes a time when you have to give up on lovely hipster coffee shops and go for..... soft play. Sorry

You are going to the wrong places if you feel uncomfortable. Choose only baby friendly places where you and your child can relax. Pref with play areas or somewhere safe for him to explore.

You can't 'discipline' a baby, they are too young to know right from wrong. He is pulling your hair because it looks interesting, or throwing toys to learn consequence to his actions. It is fun learning about life!

Keep it fun and light hearted, and if he needs extra cuddles then provide them. My dd broke my nose at this age flinging her head back. The crack was fairly audible. These things happen.

Relax a little more and your baby will too.

I hear you can have coffee at soft play and toddler groups.

If they want to be mobile, then don't keep them in the high chair for long.

But, my sympathies. My DS was ok, but with one nephew there weren't enough eyes to keep him from going off on dangerous activities.

I agree with you DrDougieHowserMD . Same thing as mine old age "ah! ah! no" really works for my kids.

I'm afraid you've entered the stage where it's just easier to stay home / meet at the park / soft play etc as it's really not fair to want to 'discipline' a bored baby for moaning.

They can't really learn to respect others wants above their own until they're much older so you're on a hiding to nowhere I'm afraid and you'll just keep getting embarrassed/ frustrated.

God, I hear you about the baby and the cat. The dog gives baby a look of pure contempt and moves away but the cat is an absolute idiot. I tend to try to change the cat rather than the baby and it's working. Moved all cat related things up higher and changed his routine a bit.

I completely empathise with this. My poor cat and dog are so patient with my dd but they really put themselves in her firing line sometimes.

Shes 13 months and thinks "no" is funny now. That is frustrating as hell.
I'm trying the distraction thing but its not always working and she's taken to headbutting me backwards when o try to move her away from insert hazard here

Shes also ranting at me in her high chair as we speak.

Sorry not helpful but you're definitely not alone!

A friend of mine who is a pediatric occupational therapist explained to me that if you make a big reaction whether it be praising them for something good or getting cross re something bad, what the young child sees and hears is very similar (a slightly raised voice, an animated facial expression, and a hand waving about, for example. They don't really distinguish between the two.

I try to keep this in mind during 'naughty' behaviour and use a calm but firm voice to say no and then distraction is key.

What I would like to know is at what age we can have more expectation of our children knowing the difference between right and wrong.