Struggling with my ex-husband - Any Advice Welcome

[Babyangelfairy]

Hi All,
I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post?
I am really looking for some advice.
Cutting a very long winded story short, my husband and I separated two years ago, he left for another woman.
Within four months of leaving he had introduced the kids to her and announced her pregnancy. It was a very tough time personally as I worked full time, had no support, minimal assistance from him as he works shifts as well as dealing with the fall out of a surprise separation, the fact he never wanted more children with me, a mortgage single handedly and our own upset children.
I have only ever twice spoke to his new partner, both times since their baby has been born and only in passing during drop off. I wanted to meet her before the kids did, but as she was pregnant he obviously didn't want any stress. So I tried to choose my battles and encouraged the kids to welcome her in, be kind etc.
Fastforwad to now, and I have a new partner myself and we are expecting. I take the kids to my ex most of the time and pick them up (it's close to my work place, and on a whole I don't mind as I'm not that petty) however, with hospital appointments etc. now I am not always at work on his days, yet he still expects me to drop off/collect them.
He doesn't take them to their activites on his days (that they have always gone to, even when we were together and our eldest is 14) won't enterain sports day, being an emergency contact at the school, won't do dentist, haircuts or anything.
So two things;

1. He is taking them away in the schoool holidays and expects me to pack and provide all their clothes. I think this is unfair. When he booked the holiday (without mentioning it to me and on a week where they don't have any over night stays) I told him this. Yet now he says he pays maintenance for their clothing and so I should purchase and supply all items - Am I wrong to refuse? CSA have advised that he should supply clothes for his days and any holidays etc.
2. He can't speak to me, he only knows shouting and swearing. Twice in the last week he has reduced me and my eldest to tears with his aggression. When he was asked by our eldest to not shout and if he can't think of me to think of my baby, who is their sibliing, he refused as my pregnancy is not his issue. Even though I was good enough to be pro-active with his partner's pregnancy, especially given the circumstances of our separation I could have been a crazy person.

I feel I am at my wits end and I can't afford a solicitor. My partner is getting annoyed as he has heard the outburts, seen the text messages and wants to intervine - Which I know will only make things worse.

I also know when I start my maternity leave soon he is going to refuse to collect/drop off the children and he will expect me to, otherwise he just won't see them (This has happened previously when he has refused to collect them)
Anyone have any pearls of wisdom??
Many thanks x

A court would tell him to provide the transport and clothing that his dc need himself.
And hopefully a good judge would chuck in the fact he is a tosser for expecting otherwise.

No advice but he sounds awful! Hope you are in a much happier relationship now.

Can you not send him a link or similar to what CSA have advised?

@Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname

I would like to take him to court, however, I have recently had to spend £6000+ to get the mortgage in my own name, I paid all his solicitor fees to get the hours transferred in to my own name as well. Despite the fact the mortgage was joint, I soley paid the "get out of a fixed term" penalty just to get him off it. So I'm not in a financial position to do this :( He knows this fact too.

@Fivelittleduckies

Yes I am thank you :) It's just a shame that the exes attitude is dampening what should be a happy time. Family think he's jealous, as I own my home now, I have a stable environment and despite being pregnant, I haven't rushed my new partner to move in. The kids are really settled, they are starting to see (unfortunately) who does what. Including my new partner.
He regularly recites CSA requirements to me, and because he apparently pays slightly more than he should (it's an informal arrangement) although based on his job and projected earnings I am not convinced - He just refuses. I supply 90% of the clothing for when the kids go to his. It all comes back dirty. I supply coats, wellies, sun cream, hats, swimming costumes etc. mainly to avoid confrontation, and to have an easy life :(
Thank you x

Unfortunately you have been enabling him to be a lazy twat.
Stop supplying things is the only way.

A judge wont necessarily say he has to do all the driving! I think unfortunately you have set a presidence (not blaming you xx) I have been to court 4 times regarding contact issues. Its costly and expensive and something to be avoided if at all possible.

Mediation may be a way forward? is that something you had considered?

Do you think he gets a kick out of seeing you upset, or is just a twat of a man?
Either way, the best course is probably to go as minimal contact as you can (have you heard about the grey rock technique, very useful).
Does he have transport of his own? Then stop doing any more than half of the journeys.
Use email, then you have a record and any responses.
Dear x , My forthcoming maternity leave means that I won't have the funds to provide you with all the holiday clothes for the children as you have requested. Thanks Angel

From now on, do half the pickups and dropoffs. So if he sees them once a week, you take them and collect them once a fortnight. If he chooses not to see them the other week, that's on him. It may not be the worst thing in the world for him to see them less anyway. He sounds awful. Does he bring anything positive to their lives?

Also, if he doesn't see them because he doesn't want to do any driving, that's his choice. As you say, they will see him for what he is, just smile and be as polite as you can to them about the situation though as parents slagging each other off is incredibly damaging for children.