Baby’s dad wants to go out partying on his weekends with son

[Jessicamonk]

Hey guys. So I’ve signed up for this so I can get a bit of advice.
My partner and I split up recently and we have a 16 month old son together. We have agreed he will have him every other weekend and a Wednesday evening every week which has been working fine so far (it’s only been about six weeks)
He has recently said he has plans to go out partying and I said if it lands on his weekend with our little one then I will have our son instead and we can swap that week so that nobody gets to miss out. He has said no he will leave our son with his mum and I have no choice.
I’m not happy with this for a number of reasons, 1 they get very little precious time together, a couple of nights a fortnight and I don’t think he should ditch him to spend one of them out. 2 if our baby woke in the night and his dad or me wasn’t there he would be very upset. 3 he knows his grandparents well enough to know where he is and who he’s with but I doubt he would be very comforted with JUST them alone. And 4, this arrangement of every other weekend with his dad also means I miss out on being with him every other weekend, which breaks my heart and I miss him terribly, I don’t mind when he’s with his dad because it’s a necessity that he spends time with him. However if he’s not going to be with his dad then I’m not happy to miss out on that time with him.
I haven’t said he can’t see him, or that his time with him will be lost. I’ve just said that if he does have plans that can’t be missed that falls on his allotted time, then I am happy to have our little boy instead and he make the full time up when he isn’t busy.
Do I have a leg to stand on? Am I being fair? Does he have the right to leave him with his mum overnight and I have no say whatsoever?
It doesn’t help that I don’t really get on with his mum either.

Sorry if this is in the wrong section.
Thank you x

For everyone's benefit stick to the eow.
In his time he can leave dc with his dm if he so chooses.
A judge would tell you the same.

I understand what you're saying but it's best to stick to properly defined times so he can't mess you about.

He is leaving your ds with a responsible adult in a safe environment. No judge would tell him that he can't do that.

You would think he would go out on the weekends he didn't have his child. Like you say why waste precious time? I can't imagine him being very attentive when hung over the next day.
Unfortunately some people don't look at it the same way.
At least DS will be with someone who loves him and will enjoy the time with him.
Good luck OP X

Agree it's a shame and can see that you are just trying to do the right thing for your DS (and are very fair to be offering to swap or take on extra), but better to stick to the arrangement. Your DS is old enough to enjoy building a relationship with his grandparents, and it's always good for a child to have more loving relationships in their lives - especially when it sounds like his dad is maybe not mature or interested enough to play a properly involved role himself.

If it becomes a regular pattern or if you genuinely think that the grandparents are unsuitable carers then that is the time to make a fuss - better to be positive / helpful for now and keep good relations.

You just need to stick to the EOW arrangement, that's the way it works I'm afraid.

It will be good for DS to get to know his grandmother very well, as it seems she will be called on a lot in the future for childcare (as your ex sounds a bit shit tbh)

If you have expressed your willingness to be flexible that's really all you can do.

What is your relationship like with ex's mum? Perhaps you could let her know you are always willing to swap weekends or be a support when she has your DS and that you value and appreciate her presence in your DS life. An amicable relationship with her would serve you well.

Omg, absolutely no excuses., I don't gaf about relationships with Gramps.... You can arrange that yourself....if this loser wants time with his child then he better deliver.... No night out can constitute for time with your child... imagine being that child....left with the gramps , saying dad went out! .... absolutely not acceptable.... you either care or don't