******Please Please help/advise me - DS2 - 3 years********

[MellowMa]

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hey mellowma, just wanted to offer sympathy. no surefire solution, but have you tried scoop and dump while he's still light enough to csrry? csn he be shut in his room safely? or held like a tight hug for several minutes?

Sorry MellowMa. Don't know how much support I can offer, but I wanted to bump this for you.

This doesn't sound too great for you at the moment. Was he a difficult baby, or is this an extension of the 'terrible two's?

I was also wondering if his behaviour has worsened since you moved house?

Hi, didn't want to leave your thread unanswered. My dd1 is 3 and has a tantrum (big screaming lying on the floor and throwing things stylee) about 4 times a week now. Doesn't sound quite as bads as your ds though. Poor you.

If it's any help we have noticed tantrum frequence is directly linked to reduction in day time naps. If she has gone 3 or more days without a nap at lunchtime then I know that we are brewing up for a big one...or a series of big ones. Now I enforce a day time nap every 2 days whether she likes it or not. It really has helped.

The other thing DH and I did was try to think about frequent tantrum triggers (when they happened, and particular events that always will trigger them), and worked out various strategies to try and nip them in the bud. I know it's not a very MNPC option, but come 5pm dd has just about had it, so for genaral peace and tranquility we do use the tv to avoid tantrums. Other things we have done is a quick book read, super quick put this silly outfit on and have a little dance, lets go outside and look for something random etc etc.

We have had varying success with the naughty step. We don't use it now. We do time out in her bedroom...she has access to toys, books teddys etc but she is not allowed out until the tantrum stops. She undersatnds it well now and I actually feel is sometimes quite relieved to go up to her room, have a private rage, calm down and then come out. From reading toddler taming I always try to do Discipline, forgive, move on. It's really hard as I'm quite a natural stewer but I really really try to not mention bad behaviour or the tantrum once it is over and we have said sorry, made up.

HTH.

FWIW I feel ADHD tends to be bandied about much too frequently these days when there is a big spectrum of normal but extremely difficult toddler behaviour. If you are really concerned it might be ADHD then another chat with your HV or trip to your GP is probably your best first port of call.

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Sounds like tiredness could be a major factor.

As well as enforcing day time naps we also got bunny alarm clock. DD1 was habitually waking pre 6 am which was pure hell for all of us (and almost guarranteed a melt down pre lunch). The alarm clock ( with a lot of training and chocolate buttons used for if she succeeded in staying in bed until he woke up) has done wonders. She is now sleeping through until about 7am (although I think she is still waking at 5.30am, but settles herself back to sleep until he wakes up), so that has added at least another hour onto her sleep quota, and has transformed my parenting skills as well as I'm not such a tired grouchy old cowbag!

sorry the 'he' is obviously Mr Bunny.

He is my friend

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Amazon, or Jo Jo Maman.

took at least 3 weeks of using it plus treats for her to stay in bed until he woke up, but was SO worth it.

Sorry, rather ironically dd1 has just woken up AFTER her enforced lunch time nap and commenced a whopping tantrum. Has just kicked DH in the face.

Oh dear.....not text book these children are they!!

Better go and distract with a book

mellowma - I'm with slubberdegullion on this one - my ds (now 4 1/2) had major behavioural issues - all of which were more or less resolved by sorting out his sleeping.

And yes, the infamous bunny clock lives at our house too ... I got mine from www.gltc.co.uk

Friends of mine have also used the same thing with a light on a timer - not as easy to mess with as the bunny clock can be - ds soon learned that the wrath of the Gods descended upon him if he messed with it - but it was a bit of a struggle.

DS had a reward chart - a new one each week (you can print off nice ones at www.dltk-cards.com/chart/ ) - he had 4 categories:

1. sleeping through the bunny clock
2. staying in bed / room until clock wakes up
3. good behaviour at home
4. good behaviour at childminder's

For a certain number of smiley faces on the chart, he had a reward - a comic from the newsagent - that sort of thing.

Good luck!

What is his speech and language like? How does he comprehend things? If his understanding of stuff is different or not as advanced (even though he might use quite extensive vocabulary) then that will cause tantrums.

How does he react to certain textures, stimuli, noises, etc - some children have sensory intergration probs that you just don't realise and this causes them stress and anxiety which then, in a three year old, results in a paddy.

I found cranial osteopathy really helped my sprog1 who had Massively humungous tantrums.

Is it also worth testing for any other allergies. Are there any triggers with diet, drinks. One of mine (can't remember which!) went through a phase of being a bit loopy when he drank orange juice.

Sorry, loads of questions and not much support here. The tiredness thing must definately be a factor (it was and still is with my fellow but then he has a variety of SEN). How is he with other children? does he play and interact well or does he find it all a bit stressful which then results in a tantrum.

You have my absolute sympathy. Been there, still there on occasion (sometimes me having the tantrum) and the tee shirt is well and truely purchased several times over. My MIL suggested splashing cold water into faces when they are having an absolute screamer and they have gone past that point that they remember what they are screaming about. Kindof worked but the bathroom floor was awash once!

hiya, my dd2 was like this, her tantrums started around 18mths,
I had visited the hv quite a few times and she just said 'she will grow out of it' 'try using a reward chart' we tried the chart giving gold stars for good behavior and black spots over the gold stars for bad behavior and if at the end of the week she had 20 gold stars then she would have a comic, dd2 decided to colour it in black so she could be naughty. My dd2 also has no fear of danger, and if i go anywhere i tend to dress my 2 dd's the same so i know what she is wearing.

when my ds was born she was three and a half, and i couldn't take it any more. i went to see the gp and just started crying i couldn't stop i explained everything it had got to the point i would go through daily motions with her, feed, wash, dress, take to nursery, tried not to talk to her otherwise she would have a tantrum, i didnt like her and to admit that it makes me sound horrible, but she would scream (no tears) for anything from 1hour to 3 hours at a time, there was never anything that would calm her down, the gp, firstly tried to tell me it was because of the new baby, but it wasnt she was like it before he was born. They then referred her to a child psychologist, because she was like it in school aswell, we managed to get a cancellation appointment and was seen two weeks later, we were asked lots and lots of questions to which i answered, on the first visit they said that they could rule out adhd/autism, and to try for two weeks a new diet, taking out all processed food, sweets, pop, chocolate. I cooked all foods from scratch. and to be honest i found a difference within days. we went back to the psychologist and stated that we had seen a big change, they think it was all of the additives that were in processed food.

It has been 3 years and she is now 7 and we still have days where she is in a mood, especially after she has been to a friends and has had pop, or sweets. but life is alot better, calmer.

hope that helps, go and see your gp, or hv, and ask for advice you know your son, make sure they dont fob you off

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