Relationship advice. My wife seems angry often & we have 2 kids.

[Dogman927]

Well my daughter is both of our biological child & our son is my Step Son but i had plans of adoption. Well for starters I am intermediate fasting & working out trying to better myself I'm getting more fit yet. My wife of 4 years seems...to get upset easily. We fight more easily now & sex barely happens because of the kids mostly taking up most of our awake time. It's becoming more & more apparent that I'm the one that always trys to work things out. My fault or not I always try to work things out....my wife seems to continue to hold grudges! Its becoming exhausting:( I'm not sure what to do next! I'm 28 & she is 25. She gets upset over so many things & never fights to work things out. She becomes distant & expects me to do the work usually....I need somebody to talk to..my kids are wonderful but I need an adult and have no friends really anymore. I'm just so frustrated:(

You have time to work out. Nice.
What time does she have child free for herself? Parenting small children is mind numbing.

What sort of things is it you're fighting over? When you say holding grudges, what do you mean? Bringing old arguments up constantly?

I know it's taken a lot for you to post, but what you've written doesn't really give me a great idea of what the actual root cause of your problems are.

How old are your kids? How was your wife before she became pregnant with your youngest?

Personally we decided before I had our second to put any arguments on hold until our youngest turned 1 yr old (oldest 2.5 yrs) as no good ever came of having the I'm more tired than you, I do more etc arguments when one or both of you is exhausted and stressed out. Those early yrs were about both pulling together to keep every one OK and fed, our jobs ticking over, house liveable etc with the expectation that nothing would be perfect and no one will be that well rested.

Not enough information.

How old are the DC? Do they have any additional needs or emotional concerns? What is your division of paid work, domestic work and parenting? Your wife and the eldest DC’s relationships with DC’s father.

Have you asked her what she is angry about?

You could try couples counselling with someone BACP qualified.

“Well for starters I am intermediate fasting & working out trying to better myself I'm getting more fit yet“

Why is that relevant to your relationship issues?

I only go to the gym once everybody is asleep sometimes at 1am or very early in the morning. I also am the stay at home parent I own a business so I'm able to stay home and watch the kids.

I only mentioned fasting & fitness to show I am taking care of myself but despite that I still feel as if issues are occurring more than they should. Maybe that was something I could have left out.

What are the issues? It's impossible to give any kind of helpful advice without knowing That.

The best thing I can suggest on such little info is that you invest in the relationship more than the gym. Organise time away from your kids for the two of you. not necessarily to talk but to do something fun, something that makes you feel connected as a couple.

It may make it easier for your wife to share what is really bothering her.

Forget about sex for a while. Focus on strengthening the other aspects of your relationship.

Good luck

My (step) son is 6 my daughter is 2. I own a business which allows me to be a stay at home dad with my wonderful children. There is no communication between my step sons dad he is 100% out of the picture and has been our whole relationship. I am a full time dad to both kids, happily. Well just like If I get frustrated and am having a hard day she will Usually be unsupportive and if I have a long shower or seem flustered with the kids she expects me to always be Happy & come to her to start conversations. She will stay watching beauty videos for hours and not say a word to me unless I start it first. Just a in general attitude shift and it has been making me depressed. I have mentioned how it would make me feel better if she tried to work things out because its always me trying to figure things out. She doesn't really ever respond. When I mention my depression she acts as if I am being over dramatic and even if I'm crying will push it to the side as if I'm making up being depressed for her attention I suppose. She doesn't even like when I talk to my sisters or family. Like honestly who else am I supposed to talk to if she doesn't communicate well? :/ I limited my friendships once we started dating and now we have been married 4 years and I have no strong friendships. She on the other hand will hangout with her co workers , she puts her family first even above my feelings usually. I'm sorry if I'm not communicating very well on here about my situation.

Well I am a stay at home dad due to my good fortune of owning my own business which allows me to. Working out is a new thing that I've been doing to help myself stay happy and I was getting a little over weight which was not helping me be very positive about myself. I usually go around 12am or very early in the morning when my wife & kids are asleep. I am home, working or helping my sick grandmother the majority of my time. My wife comes home from work and seems very frustrated with our 2 year old the terrible 2s I'm more patient with my daughter but my wife gets frustrated and she does spend time with her but not way to much, she will just give her cartoons and watch beauty videos. I do my best trying to help with money, being a dad & a friend but lately I feel as if I will come kiss my wife and she isn't enjoying jf like she once was. It's difficult to really Express the issues online because I've never really talked about it. Mostly its communication & her not seeming interested in working out 99% of any general issue. Where I will try to talk it out, she won't talk and still continue to stay upset which is depressing me. I wish so badly to hear her come to me & let me know how important it is to work things out...It never happens. Never. Its always me

What is the split of your earnings? Eg 50/50, you 25% her 75%? How are you managing your business if in sole charge of a toddler all day?

Attending the gym in the middle of the night to the detriment of sleep won’t be good for your health.

You say you’re depressed: suggest seeking help for that.

Could you try writing to each other, ask her to write down what she is happy and unhappy with both in your relationship, the family situation, paid work, housework, wife work (organising the family tasks), split of free time etc and then try to go from there.

Is she happy that you are at home and her at work, would she prefer a 50/50 split and is that doable?

With the beauty videos - is she down about her looks, want to loose preg weight etc? Does she have time to do that?

Are you on medication for your depression? Have you spoken to your GP?

As others have said it is hard to give advice as a lot isn't that clear.

What are the issues?

Bullet point them as your posts are hard to understand.

@Loopytiles. I wont disclose my business but it operates without me needing to be there daily, like I said I'm blessed & if I dont workout late or early I won't be able to at all. The issues happened before I started taking of my self. I was getting over weight and now I feel much better

I’m trying to understand what rough proportion of the family income your business contributes, ie is it important financially, a small contribution to family funds, or actually a hobby that makes only small amounts.