I feel useless

[YummySushi]

I have a 5 months old infant, an organised clean enough house yet an overwhelming to do list and I feel so useless I never end up doing any of it ...

I’m overwhelmed

I guess my real question is, how can I get my 5 month old to be less clingy so I can feel lessons useless

What is in your to do list? Is there anything on there that can be delegated to dh/dp/a professional? Is there anything on there that can wait?

Take it 30 mins at a time. Sometimes it's all you can do. Don't be so hard on yourself and ask for help.

It’s a tough age- brain going sooo fast, ability to move not matching this, growing, all that developmental stuff. It doesn’t last for ever.
What’s on the list? Can your partner help? Hammer a couple of jobs when they are home and can take little one?

Honestly, we have periods where we live by ‘all fed, not dead’. And that’s enough.
Enjoy the time- you’ll never get it back.

I have nearly 6 month old, I tried desperately to keep on top of my to-do list, I found it mentally destructive and it nearly broke me feeling like I was failing every day.

I've binned it, and just try to enjoy my time with DD. I think along the line i forgot my DD was the most important thing on my to-do.
I did speak to DH, and he was very supportive and is quite happy for the house to "go to shit" as long as she and I are happy.

If by some miracle I get some time I do a couple of bits, great! But never expect to, so I don't get bogged down by it

You are certainly not useless x

@toohotandbothered has given the best advice.

This phase doesn’t last long. It’s difficult and we can’t get bugger all done - but it passes and you can be less useless after! It’s true, it’s like being glued to somebody. You put them down for a nap and go get your cleaning stuff out and... they’re awake again! don’t worry about it. It won’t last forever

Thanks everyone

I slept better today so hopefully I’m more productive

Glad you're feeling a bit better today OP,
Have you spoken to anyone who can help share the things you want to get done?

I feel very sensitive when my DH critisizes the things I did not do in the day/week.. because I already feel im exerting myself to the limit.

Toohotandbothered.. I feel insecure to make anyone realize that I’m not coping I don’t know why.. I feel I will be judged

A simple criticism from my husband about why I didn’t change the bins for 2 days makes me go very mad because there isn’t a day that goes by that I work my best when baby is asleep to keep on top...

He works long hours far away and comes home also tired , so leaves the house for me.

Sling
And get your DH to do more!

Nope bins is a two minute job he could have done it in the time he took to moan!

Waddle yes that’s how I feel... I was crumbling down with tiredness and he had a day off yesterday and still wouldn’t cooperate with me but instead just critisized me

I feel deep down he feels he does more work than I do ,

He keeps saying to me “ I wish I can be sitting at home chilling with the baby like you”. It makes me feel that he doesn’t appreciate the hard work I put in

I feel very sensitive when my DH critisizes the things I did not do in the day/week.. because I already feel im exerting myself to the limit.

I know that feel. Its really early days and it's going to take a while for both of you (but especially him because he isn't there all day) to really understand how hard it is to get things done. And sad to say it gets worse (toddlers) before it gets better.

Make sure he has a whole day sometime with the baby on his own as soon as is practical - this will give him some perspective on how hard it is to manage baby AND housework.

Have a list that he knows about of must do jobs - it's vitally important this list is short - it should be no more than 5 items, something like "dishes, 1 load of laundry, make beds, make bottles, put nappies in outdoor bin". Then if he ever bitches say "I did the important things, the rest can wait till tomorrow, I was taking care of our child!" and he can't argue because he knew that was the plan beforehand. If he tries adding to your to do list say you know how to manage the house and you will get to it in your own time (maybe not today, depending how it goes).

This is exactly what i was going to say
Make sure he has a whole day sometime with the baby on his own as soon as is practical - this will give him some perspective on how hard it is to manage baby AND housework.

If he has never been responsible for a baby he will have no idea how little time there actually is.

Also can you look at your to do list to see what really needs done - how much could be left for a weekend when one can watch baby & other do chores or tag team?

It will be easier once baby can sit up then sooo much worse once they can get about

Your DH is useless. And entirely to blame. Not the 5 month old who is behaving as 5 month olds do.
When I had a newborn (twice) DH would do this in the morning:
Get ready. Make tea and toast. Do the laundry. Put away old laundry. Make me a sandwich for lunch.
Take the baby (and get DS ready for school when we had two). I would shower, eat the tea and toast.
I would then tidy up anything that needed doing.
Hand baby back to me and I would get ready for the school run.
DH would empty the dishwasher, tidy up from breakfast etc.

During the day I would make dinner and do one load of laundry.

In the evening he would come in and take the baby so I could have dinner. Then i would hold the baby while he ate. Then he would tidy up downstairs if it wasn’t tidy. And do a quick 10 mins whizz with the hoover.

When the boys were older he always tried to make it in time for bath.

On the weekends he does more laundry, all the ironing for the week and batch cooks.

I do most of the cooking and staying on top of daily tasks.

THIS is what an equal parent does. Your DH has not a clue.

Ok ladies I had a talk —fight— with my husband and I think I concluding that there is a huge element of miscommunication.

He said to me that when he asks me to do something like prepare the bun to take out, I could easily respond by saying I’m too tired to do it and want him to do it instead of saying ok. That way I don’t have to build up frustration,

To me it was more like why do u ask me in the first place . But to him he doesn’t put thought into it because I’m the one usually doing housework stuff as he comes home late and so a simple please I can’t or please take away the baby might work better

I admit I’m terrible at communicating my feelings .. any advice ?

I think what he said falls In line with a P.P that mentioned to inform him what I do in a day because it’s true I’m a bit offended that he thinks it’s not much .

Make a list of chores and make sure he does it. Without fail. Not the odd bit of help.

@YummySushi
Your dh needs to stop assuming things are your job but... what about making a list of things thst need done daily together (weekly can be done at w/e). If you manage to squeeze any in between being solely responsible for the care & protection of a helpless dependent baby then go ahead & tick them off then your DH can do the rest

I have found it helpful in the past to consider how much free time we each have & adjust chores etc to attempt to make it more even...