Hi.
I'm the mummy of a very much wanted nearly 7 month old baby girl.
From birth everyone has commented on how alert she is. She's basically wide awake and is interested in everything. An ant could fart in the garden and she would clock it.
From birth she's never been a brill feeder. She's bf but has always snacked, all through the day and sometimes night too. Never had an every 3 hour long feed, I have tried not to mind.. I believe in bfing for comfort not just food.
She was and is a slim baby. Born on 50th percentile. At 8 weeks dropped to the 25th which panicked me. We were told she had a mild tongue tie at birth But didn't do anything about it, but the slow weight gain prompted me to get it cut. Just after this she started waking every hour at night to feed. But she went back up to 50th percentile.
From birth I could never put her down to sleep. Held for naps, slept next to me at night. I was genuinely going bonkers from sleep deprivation after 6 weeks of hourly wake ups, and then she started looking knackered. She no longer slept well on me so with a heavy heart we sleep trained in order to settle her in her own room. Because of her alertness we tried shush pat etc but it just stimulated her more. So we resorted to controlled crying. After 30 mins of checking she rolled on her front and went to sleep. That night she woke a few times but settled quickly. My goal was not for her to sleep through the night but just to sleep independently. She slept through and it panicked me as she is slim so I want to still feed her at night due to her snacking ways in the day. Over the next 2 weeks she slept well on her front and woke for 2 feeds. She also napped fairly well. After 2 weeks things got worse. She either cries on being put to bed or goes straight down then wakes after 45 minutes crying, that's even when we,he had a good day of naps so it's not overtiredness. She frequently doesn't feed for v long (few mins of coming off and on boob) before bed so what with her crying I felt perhaps she was hungry. So I would go back up to feed her if I felt the controlled crying wasn't working. Generally she would suck a bit, be put down then sleep until 1-2am. This has been going on for around 4 weeks and I can't bare bedtime. I dread the crying and not knowing how she will settle. I feel like I'm torturing her going through this crying when I know I'll go back to feed. But I try so hard to get her to feed properly before bed. Quiet room, sing to her to focus her rather than be distracted by a noise. My confidence in her feeding has gone so I worry she is crying due to hunger. My partner says it's because she wants to sleep but can't. But given we had a good few weeks first of all I know she can self soothe and she still does it for daytime naps so I do worry it's hunger.
She's also started to wake around 11-12 pm where it had been 1-2. If it's early then she tends to wake up a further 2 times and I feel we are creeping back to frequent wake ups. But as it's been so hot I worry she is thirsty so I feed rather than sleep train. She's also gone back down to the 25th percentile only putting on 140g in 4 weeks.
She's also alight sleeper so I can't have the window even ajar when its hot as the road noise wakes her, then I feel cruel for making her cry again as it's not her fault she's awake. I do run a fan though.
She also NEVER sleeps in the car longer than 30 mins even if it's naptime. I can get her sleeping 1.5 hours in her cot. In her pushchair she won't go at all! I think its because she hates being confined and wants to sleep on her tummy. So I'm feeling housebound. We try a travel cot if we go to family for the day but she's mostly unsettled and rarely sleeps long. Then I feel awful as she's tired and cranky and it feels selfish to put her through that knowing she would settle at home.
My anxiety is through the roof. I'm going through CBT for it. My main worries are her weight, the fact that controlled crying is still happening 6 weeks in when I thought it took 3 nights... But I don't want her to sleep through until she feels ready, but equally I can't go back to bedsharing and hourly wake ups. She sleeps on her front so I worry she will stop breathing. We have a monitor but it has gone off a few times although I think them false alarms as I can see her tummy moving up and down. She's a light sleeper despite sleep training, could this be because she is not settled or feels secure enough yet to deeply sleep ? I can't even open her door to check on her without her waking. The fact we can't really leave the house for long due to her not being able to sleep on the go. I see mums taking their 5 month old to the grand prix today or on long plane journeys and there is no way she would be happy doing that!
I just need someone who has been through similar to say it will be ok please! I know people have it harder but I just feel like all aspects of being a mummy is hard and I don't see how it gets better. I just feel I should be making her happy, secure and settled but it feels like she isn't. Sge does look happy although sges a fairky serious baby! She seems to meet her milestones so tgats goid but im just a worrier. Thank you.