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Please - need advice! Overwhelmed

9 replies

Leighmarie123 · 07/07/2018 23:28

I have 2 boys aged 4.5 and 2.5. My eldest has Autism and is hard work on his own. He is his brother have a terrible relationship, constantly hurting each other, screaming at each other etc. My eldest is 18-24 months delayed emotionally and has limited vocabulary - it’s like having twins in many ways. My OH works 6 day’s a week, I’m an only child and my parents have passed away, I have no close family. I am feeling increasingly overwhelmed with the kids and finding it’s getting harder instead of easier. I feel like I can’t take much more of the screaming and throwing things etc. Some days I lose my temper and hit them and scream at them and tell them to go away. They’re becoming wary of me and sometimes when I get angry they cower and flinch- thinking I’m going to hit them. I don’t want to be this horrible Mum. I always thought I’d be a good Mum and have great times with my kids but everything is so stressful. Even a trip to the park ends in disaster because my eldest can’t accept anything coming to an end. I can’t get what i need in the shops because they kick off and scream- and I get looks. I’m exhausted all the time, I’ve had them constantly every day since they were born. I feel I need a break before I lose my mind, but I have no where to go. My friends all work and have kids so are busy with their own family lives (they all have siblings and parents who help with childcare). I can’t use a babysitter because of my sons autism. When my OH is home I can’t even go upstairs because my eldest will scream at the stair gate and hit his head. I have NO break. I’m just not being a good Mum. Spent all day crying today because I feel so overwhelmed.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/07/2018 23:30

Go to the GP. Tell the HV

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/07/2018 23:32

Is there a support network for parents of autistic children? Best research and make contacts.

Fanjango · 07/07/2018 23:34

Have you looked under the Local Offer site in your local authorities webpage? They list charities and support you may be able to access locally. Contact your local branch of NAS. Do your local college do a childcare course? If they do they often require the students to act as a mums help as part of the training, you may be able to at least get a second pair of hands that way

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Failingat40 · 07/07/2018 23:36

Does your eldest boy go to nursery?

Can you speak to the nursery teachers and let them know you're struggling, see if they can suggest anything to help?

Why does your husband have to work 6 days a week? Is it away from home or is he there in the evening?

You need to hand over the reins to him completely at least one evening a week to allow you to recharge.

Yacka · 07/07/2018 23:39

Go and speak to the health visitor asap and/or gp. You are in a situation that needs someone to help ease the day to day issues first. And that includes your own health and mental well being.

There will be help out there. A local one to me is a company called homestart they can help with practical day to day help.

You are not a not a horrible mum as you are aware that you need help and support. You need to find out what you can get to help you and the family. But please remember unless you get help and support network the issues will keep on.
Flowers

Leighmarie123 · 07/07/2018 23:39

My son is under Phoenix Children’s Centre but they are understaffed and appts are very few and far between. I did join an autism support group but to be honest hardly anyone posts in there, so not what I’d hoped. After diagnosis we were pretty much left to get on with it.

OP posts:
Fanjango · 07/07/2018 23:46

Are you on Facebook? There are a few good support sites.. https://www.facebook.com/groups/853469681387771/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/526341694047625/
To name but two.

Leighmarie123 · 07/07/2018 23:48

My eldest goes to pre school 2 mornings a week. I have hinted about to them about it being hard at home but I’m a bit embarrassed to say I can’t cope.
My OH has to work 6 days as I’m not at work. He’s rarely home before 6.30 so I’ve already done most of the work (feeding, bath). My eldest just gets so distraught if I don’t stay downstairs. My OH tried taking them out last Sunday but my eldest got so upset he had to bring them back. Feel like I’m being suffocated.

OP posts:
Yacka · 08/07/2018 00:11

Don't feel embarrassed. There will be places and networks that can help both you and your dc
If you even have sure start still in your area that may be a link to other services avaliable. Health visitor and gp may be the first step plus local autism Facebook pages as suggested above even a national site should be able to direct you to local area help.

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