I have 2 boys aged 4.5 and 2.5. My eldest has Autism and is hard work on his own. He is his brother have a terrible relationship, constantly hurting each other, screaming at each other etc. My eldest is 18-24 months delayed emotionally and has limited vocabulary - it’s like having twins in many ways. My OH works 6 day’s a week, I’m an only child and my parents have passed away, I have no close family. I am feeling increasingly overwhelmed with the kids and finding it’s getting harder instead of easier. I feel like I can’t take much more of the screaming and throwing things etc. Some days I lose my temper and hit them and scream at them and tell them to go away. They’re becoming wary of me and sometimes when I get angry they cower and flinch- thinking I’m going to hit them. I don’t want to be this horrible Mum. I always thought I’d be a good Mum and have great times with my kids but everything is so stressful. Even a trip to the park ends in disaster because my eldest can’t accept anything coming to an end. I can’t get what i need in the shops because they kick off and scream- and I get looks. I’m exhausted all the time, I’ve had them constantly every day since they were born. I feel I need a break before I lose my mind, but I have no where to go. My friends all work and have kids so are busy with their own family lives (they all have siblings and parents who help with childcare). I can’t use a babysitter because of my sons autism. When my OH is home I can’t even go upstairs because my eldest will scream at the stair gate and hit his head. I have NO break. I’m just not being a good Mum. Spent all day crying today because I feel so overwhelmed.