New mum, feeling a bit down

[Sallymummy99]

Anyone else love their child/children to bits but find they are missing their old life? I’ve been off work with my daughter for almost 11 months now and Although my daughter is easier to manage now than she was, she can still be quite needy and demanding. I just find myself feeling quite low sometimes. I’m just wondering if anyone else felt like this? Im due back at work in three weeks and wondering whether this might do me some good, something else to focus on. I know I am so lucky to have a beautiful happy baby but I’m just finding it hard to get used to such a big change in my life. People have babies all the time I just didn’t know it was goi to be this hard. I just feel a bit lost sometime like I’ve lost my identity or something.

Yes I think every Mum feels like that at some point. It does get easier as they get older . I think going back to work definitely helps. As you will actually get to talk to adults and you get a bit of the old you back.

It's so normal to feel like that , my monkey is 9 months old and I'm only just starting to enjoy her! You think how it's going to be when baby comes along, and as I've learnt, it's completely different! I have PND and was advised to find time for myself now and again, even if it's work! And I find it really does help, that's my bit of 'normality'. Plus I get excited to come home and hear what she's been up to! Please talk to a gp if your finding it tough, it's so common, I was in a fog for so long and was so disinterested in my baby, since help from gp I'm getting better!

Thanks for your kind words and advice. From what u have said I think going back to work will help. But of adult conversation and something else to focus on. Just hoping she gets on at nursery ok as she is going through a bit of separation anxiety so really clingy with me at the moment and difficult with others. And you’re right, you do think it’s going to be a certain way but is totally different. U do t want to wish their life away but I do think it gets easier as they get older x

I am on maternity with a four month old and a 2.5yr old and I have some rubbish moments. I am loving being off with my babies, but my patience gets frequently tested by them (mostly the older one). I live for nursery days for my eldest (he does two a week) and I totally feel sad that I can’t just leave for a day and do something I want. Be really kind to yourself and be selfish. My OH had a weeks holiday and we had only some day trips planned so I left him with the youngest so I could go off to the cinema on my own and go and have lunch without making sure a two year old is behaving.

Pretty normal I think.

DD is great but boy can looking after her get exhausting.

I returned to work when she was 6 months old and it really helped me balance out (and appreciate) the time I spent with her.

10 to 14 months is the most miserable I have ever been with my kids. They are old enough to be demanding, but they are super frustrated and whingy. You have had broken sleep for nearly a year, you never get a break as hey are still high maintenance m but people don't ask so much or notice you as much any more. Newborns are cute. Toddlers are generally considered annoying. You used to be able to go to coffee shops and chat to friends, now the babies run around and want food and to tip everything over.

It is tough, but it does get better. I promise.

Hi Sally, I have been a sahm now for several years - I have 3 dc eldest 12 youngest a baby and a dc about to start school in September.
I know I found it difficult with first and second dc and unfortunately developed pnd. My elder dcs found their feet around 10 months and were into everything and I found that the hardest part. At around 3 they started pre-school and it was a sheer relief to drop them off because we have absolutely no family support etc. It is really tough when you cant get the bit of me time you crave. There are a couple of things that I like to do - write and walk, and I try to do a bit of these activities every day to feel like I'm getting some kind of balance even if it is 20 minutes but the truth is...there is hardly any balance at all. When dc3 starts to walk etc. I think I am going to have to grab a half day at the weekend (dh works full-time) to try and at least keep myself on an even keel and possibly look into employing a childminder for a couple of mornings a week. I love my children to bits...but this is hard work...my 12 year old is great and it does get easier but there are still issues they just change x

Thanks ladies it's good to hear I'm not on my own feeling like this and being worried about her starting nursery. It's thought when u live and breathe your baby 24/7. Did get it for a run Monday though after she went to bed and I'm going to try and keep that up and go at least once a week to get a bit of me time and make me feel better.

I remember the early days with DS1 were great but also really lonely - I would be desperate for adult company by the weekend as DH worked long hours. I went back to work part time when DS1 was 6 months old and it made a big difference to how I felt, like I was a bit more myself again. Also at that stage I had to start pumping milk for when I was at work, so also pumped milk so I could sometimes go out again in the evenings. Are you going back to work full time or part time? If part time could you go to play groups to meet other mums if you don't already? Knowing other mums already is making maternity leave much easier the second time around, and going to play groups or new mums groups first time around was the only thing that kept me sane I think seeing other adults!

I'm going back to work four full days a week. I have met a few mums while I have been off and it's been a godsend being able to meet up with them for lunch or at the park. I really value having adult time and being able to talk about the good and the bad of being a parent. I've found good for walks a good thing. I found a good podcast I like and find that a good half hour walk helps to kill some time and give me a bit of time in my own little word listening to my podcast. It's also helped me lose a bit of weight and keep it off too as I've still been able to enjoy a few ice creams and glasses of wine in the lovely weather. I get made redundant at the end of the year too so I need to start looking for a new job in the next few months. It's a worry about money but I'm hoping I can get something a little closer to home and something I enjoy a bit more too.