Life (or lack of) is ruled by 13 m.o. HELP

[TigerBubbles]

Dd (pfb) is 13 months old and from about 3 months we had her in a great routine. Bath, massage, bottle , book and bed at 7pm every night. She was also sleeping through. Oh how we laughed at the people who told us how much of a struggle we were in for.

Well, karma has well and truly come back to bite is on the arse. We moved house when dd was 8 months and I'm honestly convinced I left my child at the old place and picked up someone's devil child instead. Due to moving/teething/a couple of stomach bugs and my mental health her routine went out the window and no matter what we try, I cannot get it back. I'm a SAHM but looking to go back to work at the end of the summer (earliest available nursery slot) but I don't think I can wait til then for some normality.

There is no typical day anymore. Some days she eats everything in sight, other days she won't touch anything we give her. She wakes around 7 am and has at least one nap a day (sometimes 2) but she doesn't go asleep until gone 11 everynight. I've tried cutting naps down/out, changing the times, changed bath yimes , meal times, gone on walks/drives to try and settle her but she has so much energy. All this wouldn't be so bad but she still wakes 2-3 times a night and absolutely will not go back down in her cot. I've tried withholding bottles, giving water instead, controlled crying but in the end it's just easier to let her in our bed. She's suddenly became so clingy.

I feel like I have no life. I haven't ate a meal in peace or gone the toilet alone in months and my relationship is so strained as we're both exhausted so any kind of intimacy is a thing of the past.

So, any idea what else I can do? I really am at the end of my tether. I feel so guilty because she's such a little miracle (many miscarriages before) and I love her to bits but I am cracking up.

Thank you so much if you've read this to the end and sorry about the numerous typos that are probably there, I've had to write this while DD climbs on my head and tries to take phone/coffee off me.

We went with the flow, took it it turns to sleep in the spare bed with DS from the first wake up - I was back at work full time and on my knees with tiredness. From about 18 months he gradually started sleeping longer and then we did one hard week where he stayed in his cot, at 21 months he doesn’t sleep through but wakes less and settles quicker usually.
As to food, that sounds fine to me, she eats when she’s hungry and doesn’t when she isn’t, regulates her food intake, that’s a good thing. Look at what she eats over a week rather than a day or a meal - is that OK?
I think you need DH to give you a break at the weekend so you can at least go and eat lunch without having to feed a toddler. Otherwise sadly I think it may just be time - I’ve somehow blanked all that into a distant memory although I recall being so tired I wasn’t willing to drive at the time.

Sounds entirely normal to me - certainly mine were all waking up 2 times a night / in with us at that age (my 17 month old still is).

The one thing that’s changed between child one and child three is that I stress a lot less about it now. If I’d just gone with the flow first time around we would not have made it worse but we would all have got more sleep and all been happier for it.