Disappointment with grandparents (DP parents)

[Lostalldirection]

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this because I feel quite hurt and disappointed but maybe it's normal.

DP's parents didn't have any grandchildren despite having three children all in their mid/late 30's and they didn't think they would ever have any. They used to go on and on about wanting grandchildren. Three years ago we surprised them with a grandchild and 18 months later anther one, so now they have two. For the first two years they LOVED having grandchildren, loved seeing them, wanted them to stay etc but as the children have grown in to a three year old and two year old they see them less and less. If we ever ask them to babysit or have them overnight which is really rare, maybe once every 3 or 4 months, there's always some lame excuse like they need to go food shopping or do housework :( but we continue to hear from family members what devoted grandparents they are and how they're always looking after them!! We've just asked if they could have them saturday eve because we have a 50th birthday celebration to go to and they've said they can't because the football is on in the afternoon (it finishes at 6pm) and then they need to rest. For context they're both just 60. And yet I know at the next family occasion they'll be there playing the devoted grandparents and everyone will be telling us how wonderful they are and how lucky we are because they do so much for us. :(

I’m in my 30s and my whirlwind toddler has me absolutely knackered at the end of the day!

Do you see them and spend time all together, or are they only called upon for babysitting?

I'm 66, a bit overweight, and yes the DC are exhausting. Me and the other gm tend to have one each - I usually have the 5 year old dgs, and she has the 2 year old dgd wrecking machine. Two at a time is too much, and toddlers are hard work but the other gm is 8 years younger than me! My DS and Dil like to share the grandparenting duties out fairly, so no one feels left out, and no one feels over burdened!

I'd feel disappointed about this situation too - they can't have it both ways and if they don't want to be hands on they shouldn't be boasting about it.

^This is what would upset me most. Why are they boasting about being devoted and looking after your kids all the time when they are not.

Be grateful for what they do, not angry at what they don't. Our dd only has two grandparents one of which has never been to visit let alone babysit and our last visit to see them was a less than positive experience. The other babysits maybe 3/4 evenings (not overnight) a year.

I’d be annoyed at the boasting about how much they do too. If I were you the next time you are told how lucky you are I would be gushingly saying how grateful you are, this year they’ve watched the kids twice for you and you’ve really appreciated the break.

two children 18 months apart with the oldest 3 is tough on any age - I would not want to at my age (there is a reason I have a 3.5 year age gap)

My parents are devoted grandparents and do a lot of after school care when I work but have never had both of them overnight (they have them separately) because they like that and its good for them rather than babysitting

Every 3 to 4 months isnt rare and its not for them or your children but its for you - maybe see if they want to spend time one on one as that means both get one to one time

If we ever ask them to babysit or have them overnight which is really rare, maybe once every 3 or 4 months

That doesn't come across as "really rare" to me, quite the opposite, actually pretty entitled and pestering

TBH I am always quite surprised when I hear about people having grandparents who babysit as it's never been the case for us, and it wasn't what I experienced growing up either. I think it's a nice bonus if you have it!

I’m going to have to be extra nice to my parents as mine help me out (once a month they do afterschool care for 10,8,5 (two have autism) until 6pm). They currently do the school run (5 minute walk) as youngest isn’t able to attend school at same time as his siblings. But my mum does say it’s really hard work plus you’re making sure nothing happens to someone else kids. It’s not the same as looking after your own.

My in-laws are always going on about what devoted grandparents they are but actually do nothing at all. They don't even really take that much interest in them now they are a bit older. Our oldest is 12 and they don't know him at all. My 92 yr old gran knows them better.
I wouldn't mind if they just said "you know, we love them but we find them a bit tiring".

All talk, no action. I just ignore all the "we love them so much" chat now, it doesn't mean anything.

Frustrating op, insanely frustrating, but you can't change them. Expect nothing and you will not be disappointed.