My daughter isn't getting any Birthday Invitation!!

[Me49n9]

I moved from London to this beautiful city Durham last year March 2017, with our three daughters and had a baby boy last November here. I love this city and beautiful town, have no problems with people or neighbours.
Now, a year has gone by and my 10 year old daughter hasn't received a single birthday invitation from her friends. I didn't thought about it much before, but today an incident happened that one of her friend told her, "why you putting sun cream? You are already Black!" ( We are Asian and my daughter has tan skin). Now that got me thinking about her not receiving any invitation.. and made me really worried.
Am I just being paranoid or it's normal that some children don't get invites at all??? When I ask her about friends, she is friend with everyone. So what could be the deal? I just can't stop thinking
over and over again. Have I made a mistake moving out of London? Is this Racism?

I'm in the Durham area. I love the area and have found it to be very friendly.

I don't think your child's friend intended to be racist. I think sometimes the children are not used to seeing people from different ethnicities. I guess it depends whereabouts in Durham you are, the city is more multicultural but the surrounding villages less so.

My children have not been invited to many parties either. Do you know that there are parties happening and you are not invited? It could be maybe they are not having parties so much. Do your children have play dates or get invited to friends houses after school?

Have you tried inviting other children to play at your house? That sometimes helps. I have moved around quite a lot and it can sometimes take awhile to settle.

Just to add also I think it's quite common to think that someone with tanned skin might not need sun cream.

I have very very pale skin, I can get sunburnt on a cloudy day and I need much more sun cream than the average white person to not get burnt. I have friends with olive skin who rarely apply suncream and never burn. So it's a reasonable assumption.

Thank you so much, at least I have someone to share this. It was killing me. I am in [redacted] and my daughter goes to [redacted]. I have tired to invite few friends of her and they didn't show up, next day had their own reasons. May be you are rite they are not celebrating their birthdays with many friends. I am not even concerned about parties, I am only worried if I get this question from my daughter then how to answer.

About sun cream thanks for making it clear but I thought all the skin type needed to be protected from UVs. And you are again rite they are only children. Thanks a lot.

I worry about my daughter not getting invites now but it seems that all the parties are the younger years at school when people think they need to have the best party. As they get older and because of the cost of parties they ebb off a bit. My eldest daughter, (who is Asian mixed white has the the sunCream comment too it's mainly out of curiosity), she way more popular then my youngest so it can be worrying. I tend to invite round now again making play dates. I would talk to the other parents or even teachers if you are really concerned but that's me and I know not everyone is the same. I hope that's helpful.

Thanks lilly! I think I am going to do the same, talk to her teachers just to see how she is doing and invite few close friends to have a play date. I hope that will improve things.

It was really helpful and sharing. We mothers have thousand things to consider but at the end we are just safeguarding our children. My daughter is very friendly and caring, it's to my surprise this thing happened.
Cheers!

Don't worry about your daughter I am sure she will make that space within friends as they grow.

Sorry to see that your DD might be having friendship issues

If you invite friends to your house IMHO and IME I would only invite 1 at a time

If you invite 2 or more then they might play together and ignore your DD

OP I apologise but I have reported one of your posts as I think it could identify your family and especially your daughter as it names her school .

No no I don't want any trouble, I just wanted to share it to see if other parents face these kinds of situations. How can I delete it now??

Can you see where it says report in blue writing over each reply? THat will take you to mumsnet, you can aske them to delete the post or take out the identifying bits.

Thanks

Hi there everyone - we think this thread would get more responses in parenting so we'll be moving it there shortly.

DD2 didn't really get party invitations past about y3. It wasn't that she was disliked, just that she wasn't in anyone's group of 3 closest friends. By y4 onwards people often did sleepovers or cinema with just a few, and DD missed out.