Am I doing this wrong? DC friend related

[MoonFacesMum]

DD is 5 yo and just finishing P1 (Scotland). She still don’t really have a close friend or little group of friends after a year in P1 and a year and a half in the school’s nursery. She isn’t lonely, she is happy to play with anyone and seems reasonably popular with other children, they chat and play with her. We went a long time this year without any party invites but have now had 3 in the past two weeks. No offers of play dates, but then, I haven’t invited anyone round here either. Nursery and school have always said she gets on well with everyone, includes others and rarely plays alone.

I am worried that I haven’t ‘managed’ social situations very well for her. I am an introvert, I work in the school she goes to and I’m not in with the main clique of mums in her class, in fact I’m not friends with any mums in her class. The mums in her class seem lovely though, I’m just not great in the playground drop off situation. I thought that her own personality and friendship choices would ensure she made a group of friends, but it hasn’t materialised yet and I’m worried it’s because I’m —socially inept— not friends with the mums.

I can now see the same situation repeating with 4 yo DS. Probably to a greater extent because he is a quieter character than his sister and socially less mature than his sister was at that age. He has been in nursery for a year now and not invited to one party. No reports of problems from nursery, he gets along with others nicely and is always so enthusiastic to see children from nursery. This isn’t always reciprocated though. He hasn’t noticed this yet.

Is my DC’s lack of friendship my fault? Will they grow into friendships more as they get older? Should I be doing something differently. Feel so guilty.

I should add, neither child seems to notice or be bothered by this. But I’m worried DD in particular is going to start feeling left out.

hi. didn't want to read and run. I think it's normal to worry about your dc and whether they're happy and have friends. I think or if it's really worrying you then make more effort within the limits you think you could cope with. invite someone over for a play date or arrange a party for your dc at a soft play or something. but they seem happy they probably are. most children are quite transparent at that age.

I feel very much the same as you. But Jenny figured they go to school to learn. Friends are just an added bonuses. And I try to make sure she’s has friends and social interactions outside of school x

I think you will probably notice a difference from next year as then children start to suggest playdates more themselves rather than it being driven by the mums. If you don't then maybe try initiating one or two, by age 6 the playdates are easier anyway as they are more likely to disappoint to her room!

It took me a while to understand that people "do" friendships differently. My eldest 'moved around' like this. All through Primary school and into secondary school. He's graduated now, and on the surface you could say he is still the same - I couldn't start to guess who he is going out with on any one night. However, it's not because he doesn't have friends, it is because he has lots of friends.
It is very differnt from dc 2, who had a loyal band of friends that went right through Primary school together - surviving 2 years when all the classes were mixed up. She is quite selective who she goes out with. They are just different though. ds definitely isn't lonely the way he 'does' friends.

I honestly wouldn’t worry as long as he’s happy. A lot of children don’t settle into a friendship group and it’s no bad thing. They are usually independent children who chose what they want to do each day rather than do what their friends do. I say this after 10 years of working with primary children. Ask him to choose a friend to invite round for a play date, it’ll then probably be reciprocated.
Try not to be so hard on yourself

Weird to force your children to socialise imo. One of the main points of school is to foster a sense of independence. Friendships develop naturally and organically over time. My DS has one best friend and that’s pretty much it, I’m not worried about that as he has found someone with common ground and that’s what matters.

Thanks for the replies, they’ve made me feel a bit better. Going to try not to worry about it too much. It’s summer holidays here now and we’re always busy and they love playing with each other, so I should try not to worry that they’re lonely.

Did she have a birthday party that she invited some of the other children to OP?