Is it too militant to put 18m old on a feeding schedule?

[Countingcrossroads]

We're just hitting the 18m sleep regression and have decided to deal with it by having a fixed wake up. If he's not up at 7am we'll wake him. Bedtime has recently shunted from 6.30-7pm to 9pm. This morning he was up at 4.30am!

His food is now all over the place. A previously good eater. Very good, in fact. He's starting to refuse going in the highchair so I've ordered a booster seat for him in the hope it'll help. Have started sitting and eating with him for meal times now to see if that helps. His little brother often sits on our laps at dinner so I wonder if that doesn't help.

He's pretty much refused breakfast at 7 and I know he'll graze all morning and not eat lunch. I'm thinking snack at 9.30, lunch 12, snack 2.30 and dinner at 5. I hate the thought of him being hungry. He's already crabby (think he's tired) but he's also started refusing his cot and naps. He's currently laying on the floor crying and rubbing his eyes while I bf his brother

Of course it’s ok. My baby was on a feeding schedule at 18 weeks

Oh lord dd is currently going through this stage as well and my goodness it’s doing me in!

I’ve gone the opposite way, and very much following her lead. I honestly can’t be dealing with food battles after no sleep (yay regression!) so I do let her graze as and when. I tend to manage things like this with the mindset of everything is a phase. So she will return to actually sleeping and eating at mealtimes again.

Or it might not work at all and I’ve made a big hole for myself! Only time will tell which is the fun thing with toddlers!

It’s not a schedule. It’s mealtimes and perfectly normal. Children don’t need to be eating continually outside of mealtimes. Good eating habits need to begin early to become embedded for life. Much better for health including teeth to give the continual eating a miss.

Cherry you can’t force a child to eat when you decide is the appropriate time! If they’re not hungry for whatever reason it will more than likely set up a negative food association, because eating when not hungry isn’t good for anyone.

Good dental health is a given no matter what time of day they eat.

Put him in a booster at the table, all dc on there own chairs and babies in bouncers and sit at the table with them, if they eat they eat, if they dont, dont force it, mealtimes should not be stressful. Offer a snack mid morning and one mid afternoon as you have suggested, otherwise they will graze and not eat properly at mealtimes and then dc2 will probably follow suit.

But also if they still dont eat at mealtimes dont worry he wont starve himself!

Sounds absolutely fine. He will never have to go long before eating a snack, and if he continually grazes he won't be eating proper meals. Also, as pp says, not good for teeth to be constantly grazing.

I'm not paranoid about him going hungry. I also don't ever ask him to eat more. I just view it as my job to offer, his job to eat

My issue is that he tantrums as he wants our food even though it's the same or completely refuses and wants "nak" five minutes later

Pretty sure he's hungry. He keeps signing "eat" at me. Only 25 minutes to keep him going!

Does he have milk or cereal or something before bed. Nothing after 5, and expecting him to sleep through until 7 seems an awfully long time without food. Could he be waking up hungry?

Have I got this correct, you propose dinner at 5pm then nothing until breakfast at 7am?! Most adults couldn't do that!I don't know an adult who doesn't have snack at 8/10 if eating dinner early, or actually who doesn't have a pre - bed snack...
He sounds starving

He normally has breakfast around 8, lunch at 11 and dinner at 4 plus a morning and afternoon snack. He still has formula first thing and last thing. Last thing he has as much milk as he wants. 8, 11 and 4 seems to be the meal times he's settled on but I think morning milk messes with his breakfast. Snack he has at 9.30 and 3. 3 is normally a big snack but he's calling for dinner an hour later which is fine. I actually think he's not quite so hungry at the moment, hence his highchair refusal. He normally eats tonnes. He's pretty much eaten 3 bites of pair at 9.30 after having about two bites of scrambled egg and half a small mushroom for breakfast. Usually he's a two eggs scrambled egg boy plus a whole banana and more for breakfast

Honestly? It sounds like you are actually making more work for yourself than anything else. You have another baby and your little
One is still pretty much a baby as well. The weather has been unusually hot recently and I’m sure that plays havoc with eating/drinking as well as sleeping habits. You sound like you’re trying to take and keep control of everything going on and I never think that power struggles with toddlers ends well.
Normal relationships with eating and food are natural, and I don’t believe that eating little and often is necessarily a bad thing. Mealtimes are an invention due to work times rather than a naturally occurring time to eat in our lives.
I would relax and just look at healthy snacks and foods. Keep mealtimes stress free and enjoyable for all. And let your babies be babies.

Maybe I am making work for myself. I don't know. He's doing ok this morning so I'll see how it goes. I'm just so run down with it all. The six month old is still up around four times a night

I can only imagine how tough two little ones are. That’s why I guess I’m suggesting you do what’s easiest even if just for a while. Be led by then both if you can. And maybe ask someone to let you have an afternoon nap?

Gosh special care baby unit had my twins on a feeding schedule from a day old so ywbu not to by 18 months. Dc need routine.

I have an awesome friendship group but no family help so no nap unfortunately. Big one has been such a good sleeper lately and always a fantastic eater so this is a shock to the system

IF his dinner is at 4/5pm then I am not surprised he is waking up at 430am. Give him a big snack later on.

he is not a tiny baby put him on whatever routine you want! Honestly I know how it feels I've been there but modern children/toddlers are just offered snacks all day long it's ludicrous and unnecessary.

I have been in your shoes. For us as soon as I cut out snacks and grazing she started eating properly again and very well. She also stopped being grumpy between meals and was much happier. As soon as she was eating decent size meals she started sleeping better too. If for any reason she'd had a smaller dinner than normal I got her down from the table and gave her some toast and banana to give her a full tummy for bedtime.

I also make sure to eat with her for all meals and as a family. It's by now means perfect and she does have her moments but it's a long term thing.

Have I got this correct, you propose dinner at 5pm then nothing until breakfast at 7am?!

This is what my DC do! Dinner is at 5, drink before bed at 7, they sleep through until 7 then breakfast at 7.30-8ish.

5pm is later than his dinner now. He usually eats around 4 and then has milk around six and sleeps 7-7. This last five days the pattern has changed

My son (20 months) is not really eating much during the day at the moment because of the heat, he was the same with bottles last year when it was warm.

If bedtime is 9pm and you wake him at 7 that doesn't seem like enough sleep unless he is having 2 good naps. Ds goes at 8 and doesn't wake until 8 (mainly) the bright sunshine seems to wake him at 4:30-5 some days but we just put back to bed until at least 6:30. Occasionally with a book to distract him.

You know your son best so do whatever routine you think he needs. Personally I don't have a real set food timetable because that allows us to get out easier without meltdowns because lunch is a bit late. But generally 8 ish breakfast, snack 11 ish, lunch 12-13, nap after lunch for 1-1.5 hours, snack 4ish, dinner 6ish. Milk in beaker as soon as he is up whilst I'm making breakfast drinking tea bottle as we go to bed at 10 (he doesn't drink much if it's any earlier so a dream feed works for us)

but he's also started refusing his cot and naps

This is likely to be the primary problem. Not hunger, given that he already eats 5 times a day.

Children thrive with routine and predictability. This includes sleep time as well as food.

At 18 months I would suggest either (2 naps):

7am wake if not already awake
7.30-8am breakfast
9.30am milk drink then nap
12pm lunch
1pm milk drink then nap (2h min)
3-4pm (when waking) Drink. Not a snack
5.30pm Dinner with the family
7.30 bedtime routine to be asleep by 8pm

Or (1 nap)

7am wake if not already awake
7.30am breakfast
10am drink. Milk if hungry.
11-11.30am lunch
12pm milk drink then nap (2h30m min)
3pm (when waking) Drink, milk if hungry.
5.30pm Dinner with the family
7-7.30pm bedtime routine to be asleep by 7.30-8pm

I forgot to add. If you absolutely can't move dinner later than 4pm (how will you eat all as a family, long term?) Then I would add in porriage as supper at 6.30pm.

My DS is 3 and DD is 8 months. DS has had the same mealtimes since he was about 6 months old, and DD is slotting in there too. Breakfast around 7, snack around 9/10, lunch around 12, snack around 3 and dinner around 5/6. I’m not militant about it, weekends and holidays it gets moved about, sometimes he is much hungrier one day than another and I don’t deny him, but I don’t encourage constant grazing.

Most people I know with toddlers have a similar routine and most toddlers seem to do well on it