"me" time

[Mumoftwokiddy]

Hi all;
I have two daughters with a 7 year age gap. One being just 5 weeks old today. I'm not sure what the best way to ask this so am just going to bullet point a few questions I have in the hope responses will be clear.

1. My 7 year old seems to be coping well and isn't jelouse at all, how do I make sure she actually is ok? (Might just be my own anxiety that is making me think she isn't)

1. Any ideas on what activities I can do with both but that my 7 year old will have fun. Especially with summer holidays approaching?

1. Has anyone any suggestions on how I can have some "me time".

1. Am I selfish by maybe just wanting a day child free every now and then to catch up with friends maybe in the pub garden .

5.what do you do in your "me" time and how often ?

I love ok forward to your responses.

Xx

You’re not being selfish but possibly unrealistic depending if you have anybody who could have your children.

Sorry forgot to mention. My boyfriend of 4 years is very helpful and supportive. However, his circle of friends are always available for a quick drink after work whereas mine I need to plan to meet them.

Me time isn’t unreasonable as long as you have someone to look after the children while you do it... your boyfriend?
In terms of activities, just do whatever you and your 7 year old wants to do and the baby tags along in a sling or pram! They’re pretty portable.

Wanting a whole day to myself is ok?

Ok. For me time you need either paid childcare or a partner who will look after your baby.
It’s fine to have me time.
I have a 5 year gap. DS1 adores his siblings. ADORES him. We have never had a moment of jealousy. And DS2 is now 18mo. They have started to argue but I leave them to it. I read to DS1 every night just as I have always done. And we have kept his life and routine as regular as possible.

Why wouldn’t it be ok? I couldn’t have a whole day for a while as I was Bf-ing but if you’re not, of course it’s fine.

What are you worried about if you request a day for yourself?

1. Trust that she’s ok, and make time to have 1:1 with her if you can.

1. To be honest, anything that you can take your 7 yo to your new baby can go too, either in a sling or pram. You might just need to time things around feeds or naps?

1. Do you have a partner or family around? That will massively impact on your ability to take ‘me time’. If you gave a partner, it’s important I think to set a precedent that you both get some child free time pretty much from the get-go. At first, use it to have a bath or catch up on sleep. You could go for a walk or a swim?

1. No, you’re not selfish at all.

1. I go running. My youngest Ds is now 2y9m and I have been running since January. I go first thing in the morning if I can, or at weekends I go for a longer run, sometimes an hour. I love it so much now. I can’t believe how little time I allowed myself before, and that half hour/40 mins makes all the difference.

I suffered with depression prior to falling to pregnant so during pregnancy I came off my medication and have been doing cognital behaviour therapy which has helped loads!
I'm not on any medication now but when I last saw my couscellor I said I just feel like I'm being a selfish person /s* mum by wanting some time to myself . She recommended I asked other parents... So that's what I'm doing :)

Ok, I was just wondering if there was someone around you who was making you feel guilty.
Honestly it’s fine!

As mentioned I suffered from depressing prior to falling pregnant so I guesS it's probably just My anxiety that I shouldn't allow time for myself. I feel other will judge if I asked for a day alone or family will think I'm not coping... When actually I am! I just feel like all I'm being is a "mum" is it bad that I miss my time.
My partner often goes for a day fishing which im fine with... Guess I just worry that I should be the typical "happy" "love every minute" etc

There will always be some mums that don’t want or need time to themselves, and sadly those who do want it, but who are unable to get it , but I think it’s normal to want some time without your kids

Assuming you have a partner or family or trusted babysitter who will be happy to watch the baby, and you are happy to leave them, then go for it! My DH and I try to give the other one a few hours each weekend where we take both the kids and the other one can do whatever they like.

Of course you are allowed a day to yourself! If it's good enough for your partner it's good enough for you (and it's amazing for their relationship, BTW, to have that time together).

I don't know anybody who loves every minute and if I did meet somebody who claimed to I would worry about them TBH. It's wonderful but it is also hard work and people appreciate that.

Personally I think at 5 weeks old your role is to be there 100% of the time at what age do you want this time to yourself?

I'm have a 1 year old and 6 year old we are lucky to get some time occasionally but yes most of time we are home and impromptu pub trips and even cinema is nigh on impossible

Personally I think at 5 weeks old your role is to be there 100% of the time

Why? The baby has a father? She’s not suggesting leaving the baby for a week, just a day to herself every now and then.

I think 5 weeks is a bit young to be away from their mum for a day to be honest but at 6 months then yeah, why not?
And you can go wherever your 7yo wants to go and just tag baby along, they do pretty well when out and about (usually better than being at home!)

Thank you
SoyDora.

Each to their own but Agreed father should agree to reciprocate time off if necessary

Does that make me a selfish/shit mum then frantically peaceful and figgygal?
Not getting arsey just wondered why you think this? 😊

Absolutely ask for some me time!
I meet friends, go to the cinema, sometimes just sit on a bench with a book.
If baby can be with Dad or other trusted caregiver, having a break and coming back to your children refreshed and ready to parent is great for all of you.

Nope not at all. If that’s what you need then do it, especially if you suffered from depression and think that too much time with your baby would make depression worse but then it’s only logical and you don’t need other people’s opinion.
I wouldn’t do it but if I thought that I’d be depressed if I wasn’t away from them then yeah I would. Whatever helps you be a better mother!

As I said I just think it’s a little early, babies need their mothers, but that means they need their mothers healthy and sound of mind - if a day away makes you better then it’s the best choice for you personally, and so others can’t answer for you!

Sorry if this is a bit scatty. Typing whilst rocking a baby

I do sometimes think the constant crying does get to me then the constant homework and making sure my 7 old is having equal attention is getting to me abit. I do feel maybe a day to myself will make me have more patience and be a happy mummy :)

As much as we love our children I think it's important to have time without them
It's better that they learn to be comfortable with other people for when you go back to work etc but also it's bloody exhausting being a mum!
I've got an almost 7 month, she is my world but sometimes it's so nice to leave her with my mum and just be me!
X