School made referel to Social services

[melse2964]

Hi
So anyway i’ll just get straight to the point a few weeks ago my sons school (son is 5) made a referel to S/s.. because apparantly they are concerned about him displaying sexual behaviour. Well his teacher told me once or twice he has been saying comments to the girls in his class like ‘i want to get sexy’ & ‘lets get naked’ ...I dont have any clue why or where it has come from because i have never heard him say anything like that... Anyway now the school have refered him because they’ve been watching him and he ‘knows’ what sex is and what it means because they’ve linked it to the things hes been saying...
How would you feel what would you do ?? just a bit hacked off...
thannks
melissa

I'd feel very concerned that my son had been exposed to sexual material without my knowledge, and I'd want to work with SS in figuring out how and, if relevant, who.

I think that the absoloute right thing to do is to work with social services. If you haven't ever heard him say these things or use this sort of language then I would really want to know where or how he had learned this.

I would be concerned as to how he has learnt about sex in that way?
Does he have older brothers or friends ?

They're referring him for his protection not to get at you but I can see how you will feel judged and defensive.
If I were you I'd be doing everything to work with them in dealing with this.

I agree with PP.

They’ve acted correctly. If he hasn’t learnt these things from you, who else has taught him?

My dd is 7 and I’ve heard her say a few things like she called me sexy lady once I was rather shocked. Being “naked” is funny to young kids too.

How it happens is my dd has heard another child saying some things that they’d heard from an older sibling.

Perhaps just ask your son where he heard it? Who’s told him or whatever.

Ss will close case once they know it’s innocent as I said he’s probably heard it from another child who’s heard things from older siblings and are repeating

I’d try to work out where your ds has heard things like that at 5.

Baby sitters, relatives, unsupervised access to tv or other media? And then come up with a plan how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The sooner you show them you have taken action to protect your ds from inappropriate stuff like that, the sooner they will go away and leave you alone.

Well you definitely need to work closely with SS and the school to figure out where this has come from. Is he ever alone with any other adults or older children? I would be very concerned about the possibility of sexual abuse. If not then I would be questioning the school as to what exactly he has been up to while he is at school and who he spends time with there.

Oh and from my experience some parents allow there very young children play games on Xbox and the likes that are not age appropriate and they repeat things from that.

There was a mother at my dds school that allowed her 12 year old to play GTA watch whatever films etc he wanted and her younger dd who was around 5 at the time was repeating everything she had heard from the game and from her db.

My bets are he’s heard it from another child

When we were about 7 or 8 a boy in school told us all about sex that he’s learned from his older brother, and we used to run around the playground making ‘sexy noises’

I’m sure there is an innocent explanation and my advice would be to work with SS to find out what it is

Even if he has not learnt it from home there may be others - friends, siblings, adults - who have exposed him to it , perhaps inadvertently, and may indeed be vulnerable and in need of support themselves. Try to be less defensive and work with school and ss.

Knowing about sex in an abstract way isn’t a concern but acting in a way that mimics sexual attraction in a child that age definitely is. It’s a massive red flag for abuse (I used to work with vulnerable children and made several such referrals myself). It’s sounds like it’s possible he’s just repeating something he’s heard somewhere, but it’s a gray area, very much depends on the context and the behaviour that went along with it and how other children were affected. They’ve done the right thing though. If it’s nothing, SS can help you to talk to him about it. If it’s something to be worried about, then you’ll be grateful for the intervention. I have a 5 year old and she definitely wouldn’t be using language like that at school and if she was, I would want something done about it.

I see to be alone in viewing this as innocent behaviour. My three year old whips her clothes off the minute she gets in our garden and to go in the paddling pool and will often shout 'let's get naked' to her sister who is 21 months and they then run around the garden naked together laughing their heads off. She has got the phrase 'let's get naked' from us because when she first started taking everything off to get in the paddling pool we told her she loves being naked!

It might be you've said something in passing without realising that he's picked up on and is repeating.

It sounds picked up from media/films or a song - some dreadful, inappropriate bilge passes for music these days and is presumably played on radio, MTV etc.

Have a think about his and your media/phone use.

Lostalldirection a 3 year old shouting ‘let’s get naked’ in the garden/paddling pool is different to a 5 year old saying ‘I want to get sexy’ to girls in his class at school.

The school have done the right thing and if your son is being exposed to such things you will be grateful they flagged it. My DD bff from the age of 6 has come out with some very inappropriate things and actions that she learnt from watching songs on the music channels so it doesn't always mean anything terrible.

@Lostalldirection I don't think people are ruling it out as innocent it's just that if a 5 yo starts saying these things and mums adamant it isn't from her it's at least
Worth looking into. For them to make a referral I'm guessing it's been more than one comment or behaviour that's made them wonder.

Op it's scary but you need to
Work with social services either to show you're taking it seriously and protecting him from adult material or anyone being inappropriate.

In all likelihood they will meet you and him, the school etc and close the case

As a victim of child abuse myself, I’d be really concerned if my children started displaying knowledge of these things at such a young age and I’d be grateful for social services help to get to the bottom of it.

It’s not an attack on you. It’s something that needs to be looked into. I recently had to go through something called an Early Help Assessment for my son who’s having complex medical and developmental issues and I was a bit nervous as it covers things like domestic violence, drugs and alcohol, housing and finances etc but I really needn’t have worried - they made it clear they had no such concerns and marked those things as no risk.

It could be nothing at all but I’m really glad to hear they take things like this seriously now. There were plenty of clues about what was happening to me when I was at school but they were ignored.