Regulate MN user, but namechange for this. This could probably fit in a few categories, but this seemed most fitting.
My wife and I are struggling at the moment, and perhaps some advice wouldn't go amiss.
For full background, in 2015 we had a daughter, who due to some sudden complications near birth, died shortly after she was born. It was a tough time, however we have got through it together, and I'd like to think as a couple we're stronger than ever. My wife has had MH issues in the past, and is currently on medication for this. Although coming off the medication isn't proving as easy as hoped, she's stable and we have made good progress in our lives since 2015 rather than sitting still.
Since then, we've basically thrown ourselves into work, and we've bought probably our "forever home", whereas previously we were renting. It's almost renovated now and we've spent a good deal of time and money on making it into a lovely home. Jobs are as secure as you're normally likely to get, we both now earn much better money than we did 3 years ago.
So on paper, this is a no brainer.
Previously, we had decided to start our family, however, after what happened, we spent some time just recovering, and took some holidays and travelled a little.
Now I'm unsure of where to go. I don't know whether I want to have a child, or not, which sounds ridiculous since we'd previously made our minds up. The reality is perhaps that the birth was quite traumatic and I was close to losing my wife as well as my daughter, although thankfully my wife recovered, and we are able to have children again, although it would be treat as a high risk pregnancy. Maybe this is making me cautious where I wasn't previously.
The thing is, I feel, and from talking with my wife I feel she is in the same place, neither of us are actually sure if we want to try again, but we're also petrified of getting to 65-70 and regretting not having a family. So how do you know??
We have friends who have kids, and in all honesty after a few hours it's a relief to get away, but then people say it's different when they're yours. But then don't they have to?
I think in my heart of hearts, my wife would like to try again, and I feel like she'd be an amazing mum and perhaps find "her place", but at the same time I'm worried about it being too much stress and her not managing it. Then again I'd be heartbroken if she got to retirement and had huge regrets about not going for it.
Urgh.
Someone throw me some advice, my head is utterly battered.